Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Wednesday Heathers Googling

Sol Train and D-Day (furry booties!) just like old times, only better. Photo by Steven L. Price

Rocko Billy discusses the championship bout at his blog. Go give him some love in the comments section.

Chrissy loved the bout too. Go give her some love in the comments section.

If you're new to this blog, have a look at three favorite older posts and meet some very interesting Heathers:




Ginger Binger

Go give 'em some love in the comments section.

More Heather and Cadaver profiles in the hopper.

Monday, August 25, 2008

The Docket

Here's the doin's:

Saturday, Sept. 6 - RCR's Wheels of Justice vs. Seattle's Rat City Rollergirls All-Stars, the Hangar at Oaks Park, doors open at 5:30, bout at 6:00. Go see Fire Crotch, Goodie, Vominatrix, Sol Train (Scratcher is still injured, sad to say), and the other Wheels take on Seattle in this one-of-a-kind WFTDA-sanctioned bout in the intimate setting of the hangar.

Ticket info is a bit different this time around - only 400 $25 tickets are available, and only 200 are in the hands of the Rose City Rollers.

Time is tight for these two, who are practicing during every free minute, so you might try the method suggested by RCR's MySpace mistress:

"Okay, here's what you need to do since we're doing things a little differently for this bout....

Get in touch w/ your derby girl buddies, tell them how many tickets you want, and then give them the ticket money up front ($25/ea). They will take your cash to the appropriate person(s) holding tickets for this bout and get them for you. Tickets are VERY LIMITED for this bout, so get yours fast!

p.s. This bout is also a fund raiser for both all-star teams (Portland and Seattle) to get to Western Regionals in Houston, TX. Thanks for your support!

Fire Crotch would like to further emphasize:

"We will likely NOT have will-call nor sales at the door, so I'd like to (as tactfully as possible) keep people from showing up without a ticket thinking thatthey can get in. I'm also trying to make sure that every single person who gets a ticket knows not to go to the Expo Center, just in case people don't read on the ticket that the bout is at the hangar at Oaks Park!

Got it? Good!

Saturday, Sept. 20 - RCR's Wheels of Justice vs. Phoenix's Tent City Terrors, and RCR's Axles of Annihilation against Sacramento's Sacred City Roller Girls. We're back at the Expo Center for this double-header. Look for Mobi-Wan Kenobi, Ginger Binger, Titania, and Viagrrra Falls on the Axles.

Get your ass some tickets here.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Identify Yourself

Photo by Jules Doyle

Clicking on the image above will take you to a larger view of the photo. I can identify a few cadavers: sitting on the floor at the far left of the shot is Greg with the red lei, then Wendy in the yellow top, me with the water bottle and that permanent dumbass look on my face, Andrew behind me looking pensive, Aitch in the Heathers shirt, laughing, Max behind Aitch's left elbow in the white lei, Alex in the horizontal center of the frame, smiling and applauding. Then there's Chrissy up there in the bleachers on the left side of the pic, in a black shirt, applauding with her hands above her head. Robin and Natalie may have gone for beers or merch at this point, and Nick may have as well, but maybe I'm just not seeing him.

Can you identify anybody in this photo? Yourself?

Monday, August 18, 2008

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Heathers done and skating off in to the sunset?

NEVER!  They're out there till the sun goes down getting ready for the 2009 season!

Have no fear, the celebrations haven't even kicked into full swing yet.  More congratulations, more parties, more fists in the air are to follow.  Stay tuned for info.
Heathers starting the long trek to the 2009 Championship!
Thanks to each and everyone... 


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

More Championship Ruminations

Photo via Kat Cole's Flickr stream

Kanna checks in:

The Heartless Heathers hit the track at the Championship bout focused and ready to kick some Bettie booty. There can be no excuses, no what ifs, no coulda shoulda wouldas, it was a resounding defeat of forty two points and it was beautiful! A few things come to mind that were quite memorable, and of course, these are in no particular order.

1. Having a seven point lead going into half time. Not a big lead but I believe a huge mental advantage. If not for the team, it sure was for some fans! I knew my halftime Bushmills went down easier with that halftime score.

2. The Heathers playing as a team. Communication and fantastic teamwork by the blockers and pivots. It helped slow down the Betties’ jammers frustrating them over and over again.

3. Sitting on the jam line and the view of the Ice Box. Especially when the Cadavers would go wild! The sea of Heather signs, Nurse Ratched leading the fracas with her bull horn and the chant “Heaaaaaaaaaaaathers Heaaaaaaathers” filling the giant hall. The HRMFs were going ape shit in their corner cheering the Heathers during the second half. I could see New Seasons Matt across from me yelling away. Mr. Barfly and Mr. D-Day with his cowbell. The visuals! The sounds!
Too freaking cool

4. Incredible jamming by each person who stepped up to the line. Especially Sump Pump who would consistently come up to the jam line and rack up the points. The Betties just could not put a body on Sump Pump to even slow her down!

5. One jam in the second half where Ringer was lead jammer and there were three Betties sitting in the box. Going insane knowing we had a freaking speed skater out there just doing what she does best and we had a four on two advantage on the track. I think that jam put the nail on coffin of the Betties undefeated season.

6. Scratcher going down right in front of me. What a warrior! WhaBam she goes down hard, pounded even harder into the ground with Ava Sk8trix on her back yet she composes herself to skate off the track. She’s my new hero. Seriously

7. I swore off champagne the morning after my high school graduation back in 1859. I have pretended to sip champagne at so many weddings, graduations and other celebratory events since that time; however this night, the Heartless Heathers just took the 2008 championship trophy. Decisively to boot. So, at the Kenton Club, this drunk happy gal drank herself some champagne!

Thank you Heathers for all your hard work and dedication this season. Ringer and Slaybia, great job coaching! To each and every one of you Heartless Heathers and your entire support crew, bravo! I am so happy and proud to be a Cadaver.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Collective Debriefing (Installment One)

Photo: Aitch gives some Betties the Ice Box treatment on bout day.

Just Out and "The Möndäy Rëpört" (paragraph four is where the action starts) offer differing perspectives on the Heathers' defeat of the Betties. MORE: GinGer Kat has some photos up. Skippy Steve seems on the verge of doing some uploading.

UPDATE: Elwood has his jam-by-jam recap up.

Meanwhile and foremost, Cadavers are continuing to report back:

It was a very exciting bout, which, when you think about it, is amazing considering the 42 point spread. The Heathers shut those Betties down!

I admire all of the skaters -- but I love to watch Sump Pump. It's the way she just glides on through the pack even when it's super scrappy in there.

My favorite moment of the bout was when the Heathers broke 100. I thought "ohmigod they're really going to win this thing!!"

That was a great night! I really wanted the Heathers to win the championship, and they delivered! Sump Pump was really impressive jam after jam. Viagrrra and Vominatrix kicked some Bettie ass and raked in some major points, too. Of course I always love to see Sol Train out there, and she didn't disappoint me (as if she ever could). Ringer was the fastest skater in the building! All of the Heathers looked to be in top form, and I definitely saw their "A" game that night. I like the fact that they pulled ahead early and went into the half being up by seven points. That really lowered my stress level during halftime. I saw some great derby that night, and I couldn't be happier that they're the 2008 Season Champions! Thank you Heathers!!!

George offers his view from the jamline:

The Heathers had an outstanding bout, and showcased why they are the best damn team in the league.

The Betties didn't get to the championship bout by accident. I'm not a fan of the Betties, but I have to admit they have worked their joyless mojo with some success this year. It was sooo satisfying to seem them taken apart and schooled.

The Heathers outplayed them as a team. The Betties usual discipline was broken early on, and the Heathers controlled the front, the middle, and the back of the

Time after time blood thirsty Betties engaged 20ft in front of the pack. And lo, the scales were lifted from the eyes of the refs and the Betties finally got called on their crap. Megahurtz, is usually a vicious attack dog in the back of the pack, but Heather's blockers had her locked down. Likewise the Betties' jammers were shut down by great defense. The Heathers just looked good all around.

The Heathers offense was in great form too. Goodie was focused and put on a clinic for the Betties. Vominatrix showed off some dazzling moves, and racked up a bevy of points. I'm the guy in stands with the bell. Did you hear me ring that sucker like crazy as Ringer was sticking it to the Betties? Her speed put up 14 unanswered points in a penalty situation.

So many great moments. Slaybia assisting Vominatrix around turn #2 past three Betties. D-day and Firecrotch owning any part of the track they wanted. Rhoda Killa with some punishing hits. Viagra, Mobiwan, X2Z, Titania, were all solid. Every Heather looked great - I can't wait for the highlights video.

It was a good night to be a Heathers fan, congratulations Heathers!

Captain Slaybia's Reflections on the Championship

Izabell Ringer, the championship trophy, and Slaybia Majora

We asked Heartless Heathers Captain Slaybia Majora for her thoughts on winning the championship, and she graciously responded:

Champions - the word keeps echoing in my mind and I have had a dopey grin on my face since Saturday. That was probably the single most amazing game I have played in since I started skating 3 years ago.

I admit going into the game I was a little worried and by the end of the 1st half I was ready to puke. A 7 point lead in derby is negligible and nothing to be relied upon. I knew the game was going to be close and that we would have to fight tooth and nail for it the entire time.

Looking at the team during the break I saw smiles and laughter and felt a relaxed attitude which made me a wee bit dubious. We were getting ready for the fight of our lives/derby careers and the Heathers are having a good time, not the typical reaction to a high stress situation. We had a quick meeting before going out again saying to step up the intensity, get mean, play harder, this is the last 30 minutes of your life and so on and still they were smiling. It was starting to freak me out. But, of course, the Heathers are the red-headed step-children of the league so I should have known the mood would be the opposite of typical.

In the 1st half there was a slow building of intensity and teamwork that helped us hammer away at the Betties. During the 2nd half that slow progression was upped tenfold by each and every Heather pushing herself and her teammates to the next level. The team was looking like a well oiled machine out there with players rotating, recovering and hitting the crap out of opposing jammers. Our bench was cool and collected and not a single player looked over played or tired. I think this is what really won us the game. Our bench is deep so we could basically throw any blocker or jammer out there and we didn't have to put all the strain on the top players. Players felt confident working with their teammates and thus everyone's self-confidence was heightened and we played an extremely smart game.

I'm not saying the 2nd half was an easy one. There were moments that made me feel like my insides wanted to be outside and that reminded me of our game against the Betties earlier this season. We always seemed to manage to pull ourselves together though and then rally for another jam.

I was truly amazed by our performance on Saturday. All that we had worked on as a team came together beautifully. Every single player brought their best game to the track and brought home this victory. I was a Heather during the 06 Championship and can tell you this one felt so much better. The Heathers, our support staff, and our awesome fans have my undying love, affection and gratitude. This past year has been a hard one for me and winning this Championship is the first time I've felt genuinely happy in a while. Thank you to everyone for helping with this win. HPV!!!!!

Slaybia Majora

Sunday, August 10, 2008

A Very Nice Photo of the 2008 Champions

photo by Axle Adams

Heartless Heathers 125, Breakneck Betties 83

See here, and especially here (i.e., Noz' metaphysical, numerological post directly below), you whippersnappers.

What's the answer to life the Universe, and everything??

Well, it just so happens to be the same number as the number of points the Heathers BEAT the Betties by.


Captains Ringer and Slaybia holding the RCR Championship Trophy, very disappointed it wasn't 142.


Saturday, August 9, 2008

So I slept in this morning and it was FABULOUS!  When I finally did wake up at the crack of 9:30, I stretched luxuriously and paused to think about what I needed to accomplish in the day ahead.  

"Hmm, need to do some laundry, vacuuming, should go wash the car, yeah I should really go wash the MERCURY CAUSE I AM GONNA DRIVE IT TO DERBY TONIGHT!  HOT DAMN IT'S DERRBY DAY!"

I don't get to drive my beloved car too often cause it takes too much damn fossil fuel.  It has a big old 390 with a 4 barrel carb and really needs a rebuild on the engine but it runs no matter what.  Seriously, nothing will take down this car.  She is the toughest bitch on the road.  She represents everything I love about The Heathers in car form and as one more way of giving good juju I am going to drive her to the bout tonight (also because I LOVE HER and she needs a night out.)  So my fellow cadavers, look for my big pink monster in the lot and feel free to rub her fender for good luck.  

For Old Times' Sake; For New Times' Sake

Friday, August 8, 2008

How I spent my Friday evening. By MercGirl

So after a grueling 9 hours at the office, I headed down to the Expo Center to decorate the Ice Box. It took me a long time, I guess because I was alone. But anyhow there are lights and sparkly stuff and balloons and the glittery signs. I hope you all enjoy it. There will also be prizes for loud Cadavers.   See you all tomorrow!


Hasta Mañana

photo by Chris Barnes

Cadaver prefunctions abound around town tomorrow. The Vernon Neighborhood and Auxiliary Contingent of Cadavers will probably be carb-loading and imbibing (safe amounts, mais bien sur), at Pause Kitchen and Bar (Hey look! I found the review of Pause right here! Damn straight about those sliders, fella).

Of course we used to go to Fire on the Mountain, for our derby pre-funks until it became too overrun by (you guessed it) other Cadavers for us to have a good sit-down.

Some will doubtless continue the honored tradition of quaffing some pints at The Worlds Famous Kenton Club before heading on up to Expo, for the big bout.

How about you? Where are you pre-funking?

Kenton Club (2025 N Kilpatrick, very close to Expo) will also be hosting a post-funk of sorts this time around, as that esteemed Heathers sponsor toasts the ladies after the big event (and after a little lag for floor tear-down at Expo) with champagne in celebration of the team's third straight championship bout. Though cadavers will have to buy their own beverages, they are invited by the Heathers to join in the revelry before heading off after-party at Plan B (1305 SE 8th), where admission will free with proof of bout admission.

It's going to be a great derby day.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Abra Cadaver - The Zeal of Them Fans

The other day, we asked a few Cadavers if they had any words of advice or encouragement for the Heartless Heathers as that team prepares to face the Breakneck Betties in the big ol' 2008 RCR champsionship.

From those who have responded thus far:

Kurt says:


Aitch says:

"An Exhortation to the Heartless Heathers:

The Betties can be defeated in 2 easy steps!

1. Remember how the Betties consistently win. The Betties jammer sprints ahead first and the rest of the Betties attack the trailing jammer, just like a murder of crows attacking a helpless trash bag. The rest of all youse is up ahead saying what the fu? Do NOT let this happen!

2. If a certain Bettie troubles you, write her name on a piece of paper and put it in the freezer. Get your friends and family to do the same. This works like a charm."

JeLLyPiG says:

"Aw, hell you knew I'd have to chime in. Besides I'm stuck in Salt Lake City and have to "join" a club just to get a decent here are my sober thoughts.

I have already rambled at length on what I think it takes to win this bout against the BB'eez and the Heathers already know what they need to do but the top priority needs to be teamwork.I have this great dvd of Joanie Weston bustin Bill Hill's balls because he coaches "players" and she coaches a Roller Derby "Team" and her record and hall of fame status proves she is right.(Yes my derby sickness now has me amassing a collection of old bout dvds) The more I think about this bout the more I think, whether it's a slow brutal grind,or the speed game the better TEAM is going to win, beating them will require the same thing it requires to beat the Heathers,top notch, focused, teamwork. If the Heathers hit the rink with one collective plan and execute as one collective team...they can't be beaten, they have already proven that fact time and time again. I would amend my earlier advise to : Skate smart, skate tough, skate as a team and leave a wake of red in your trail!

See you there...


UPDATE: Friday Night

Tamz Check in:

"Skate hard, bitches, and kick some Betty Booty while you're at it!!"

A Mighty Fortress is Our Noz

Photo: Seen at the Mash Tun brewpub, August 2007

We asked Coach Noz for his perspectives on Saturday's championship bout. He kindly obliged us with these words:

"Heathers are pumped!!!

I know it's been said, but fans really can't fathom the amount of time that goes into training. They have their eye on the prize, and on the rest that comes after it all. With last year's screwy bout schedule, and this year starting off in January, the ladies have been full tilt for over 18 months with nary a break. But they want it so bad, they aren't holding back. Its really impressive.

What has changed from the last bout is determination, drive, and a stronger base of fundamentals. We study the bout videos, look at what worked and didn't amongst all the teams then tailor practice and scrimmages to those skills. We've added in lots of new drills to specifically work on HH weaknesses, but its quickly becoming hard to find any.

There was a great emphasis from Ringer and Slay this year to bring up each player. "No Heather Left Behind" was what is was called (after a few too many Yorgo's pour cocktails). The difference now between those being benched for the upcoming bout and those starting is so slight, it's silly. There is no one on the team that can't turn in a performance as good as any of their teammates. Win or lose, the Heathers succeeded in their vision for the 2008 team.

Having been a long standing Cadaver, and a vocal proponent of the Ice Box's distinguishing auditory features, I expect nothing less than deafening volume from each and every cold, blue hearted fan.


And come on down to the floor at the end of the bout. Congratulate the victors or console the defeated. They don't bite... hard.


Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Proposed Cadaver Meetup

So I've been thinking about having a little pre-Championship Cadaver Meetup, to have a drink, socialize, and get to hear what all our voices sound like when they're not raised to vocal cord shredding volume.

And the fine examples set by MercGirl and Kanna in creating signs has really got me inspired. So to that end, I'm going to suggest we gather at the Buffalo Gap, proud sponsor of our Heartless Heathers, this Thursday evening starting around 6pm or whenever you can get there (I probably won't arrive until 6:30 or so), and lasting until whenever; this is unofficial, and since I don't know if I may be the only person able to show on such late notice, I'm not even going to bother trying to reserve tables. Maybe a few Heathers will even stop by after 8pm when their Thursday night practice ends to give us even more inspiration.

I'll try to bring some sign making supplies, and anyone who wants to join in should bring sign boards, sharpies, poster paints, and/or just their creativity.

Nurse's Orders

Photo by Delusional Photography

One cannot revere Nurse Ratched enough, if only because she always knows exactly what we should do. Her orders for Saturday:

Here is my message to Cadavers for the bout:

1) Keep it LOUD!!!

2) Obey Nurse Ratched's instructions. If she says "Stand and yell!!" then you better stand and yell!!

3) Be prepared to lose your voice and quite possibly your mind.

4) There will be special treats (provided by MercGirl) for those who are the loudest.

5) NO MERCY!!!!

That is all. Nurse Ratched eagerly awaits hanging out in the Ice Box with the Cadavers.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The Docket (Championship Week)

Photo of the magnificent TeqKillYa by Chris Barnes

Here's the doin's:

Tues, Aug 5: RCR Victory Lap: Chris Barnes, Steve Price & Douglas Remington photos

Photographs of The Rose City Rollers, by Douglas Remington, Steve Price and Chris Barnes, as well as memorabilia from teams will be on display in the main gallery. Come revel in the glory of victory and the agony of defeat as seen through the eyes of three amazing photographers.

Opening reception 6-8 p.m. Tue, Aug. 5; Aug. 5-27, at Glenn and Viola Walters Cultural Arts Center: 527 E. Main St., Hillsboro (503-615-3485).

Many press articles linked below in the blog. Selah.
Wed, Aug 6,

Cheap Ticket Night for Saturday's championship bout. $14 tickets at the following alcohol-serving locations from 7-9 PM:

Rogue Brew Pub
1339 NW Flanders

118 NE 28th

Nightlight Lounge
2100 SE Clinton

Kay's Bar
6903 SE Milwaukie

For once, they're holding this before my bedtime. I'll be able to buy cheap tickets and make it to my liver massage appointment. No really, I already bought all my cheap tickets, so all the more for you. Have a pint at the pub, pet.
Something else. Oh yes.

Saturday August 9, the
Rose City Rollers Championship Bout. The High Rollers (HRMF!) vs. the Guns & Rollers for third place, and the Breakneck Betties vs. the Heartless Heathers for the RCR Championship.

I done heard about that. Toot them train-whistles and ring them bells.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Meet the Cadaver: Kanna

cadaver name: Kanna
age: 43 going on 32
neighborhood: SE a couple miles from the hangar
beverage of choice: shots of Bushmills or a good room temperature stout
Heathers fan for 2 years and counting
: Always sitting on the jam line

CORONER: How did you get started going to Portland Roller Derby?

Kanna: There was a front page article in the Oregonian’s entertainment section back in February 2006 that talked about a local women’s roller derby league. I remember watching roller derby as a kid so when I first read about a team in Portland I was pretty excited and wanted to check it out. The story talked about a rag-tag group of diverse women who had come together to revamp roller derby. How could I not be interested?

My first bout wasn’t until the final match of the 2006 season. I went with my buddy George and we had an absolute blast; there were times I felt as if I was on a psychedelic acid trip. Walking back to the car that night we vowed that we could easily be season ticket holders if ONLY they sold season tickets. Voila, the season ticket program was launched the following year and both George and I have been season ticket holders ever since. In fact, this year, we are season ticket holders #1 and #2. Something I’m very dorkingly proud of!

Now I’m totally addicted to derby. Whereas in the 80s and 90s I was a Deadhead traveling around the west coast and the U.S. experiencing as much music as I could I’ve now transitioned into being a Derbyhead. I can be found down at the hanger on scrimmage nights watching the gals practice and I plan on being in Houston to watch the Wheels of Justice skate in the Western Regionals in October. In fact, I enjoy derby so much that my family thinks I’m downright crazy but I really don’t care!

You're a great fan, and that you and your man bust ass as volunteers for the team. Why did you become a Heathers fan and what keeps you coming back to for the team?

Why did I become a Heather’s fan? They are freaking Heartless and we hate the Betties! My man and I love the Heathers and we have been faithful fans from the very beginning. It was just luck that George and I sat in the Ice Box for our first bout and I don’t know if there was one thing that I found fascinating with the Heathers; they are too multi-faceted to have just one single attraction, you know?

The lovely WMC, wicked Nurse Ratched and some Heather cheerleaders were pumping up the cadavers in the crowd and the pre-bout energy was infectious. Then the bout began! Women with amazing skating prowess had names such as Vominatrix, Goodie Two-Skates, Sol Train, Slaybia Majora, Teqkillya and Scratcher in the Eye, with crazy personalities that matched their athletic intensity. How could I not be attracted to such an awesome team? The fan base, the support crew and the skaters themselves are all a bunch of freaks and I fit into that dysfunctionality perfectly.

Now, what’s this volunteer thing you are asking me about? Wrench from the Guns and Rollers sold my man George and I these ticket packages for "Roller Derby Fantasy Camp" (RDFC) that takes place the Friday before each bout. We each gave Wrench $100.00 because she told us if we sign up together we can save $50 per person and she gave us promises of "rubbing elbows with roller girls" and maybe getting a free beer or two if there’s any left over at the end of the day. What a farce!

Seriously though, George and I volunteer because we simply want to give back to the derby community by showing our appreciation for all that the Rose City Rollers organization does. We had no idea about the magnitude of energy that goes into each and every bout set up/tear down coupled with the commitment and dedication of all the skaters and the entire support crew; so why not volunteer some of our time to help the organization that we love flourish? I’ve also started to volunteer in other aspects other then just bout set up. This past spring I started to sit on the events committee, I’m helping out with the Northwest Knock Down after party committee and recently joined the new merch committee.

And who is this guy George? He’s a great guy who’s my "man" in derby speak only. I have known George for over ten years and we decided last year to mimic the derby girls who take on derby wives and become "derby hitched" ourselves. I guess it was at Derby Days at Oaks Park last year when George and I decided to make that "commitment" and since then he’s been my derby hubby. He’s the best. Love ya hubby!

Do you have any favorite moments from bouts past?

Favorite moments are hard to chronicle on paper. There are many from the past two years but a few do need mentioning. I believe a lot of my favorite moments are more gestaltian (if I can make up a word) then a specific jam or block from a bout. For example, I enjoy the plethora of costumes worn by both Vominatrix and Goodie Two-Skates whose derby personalities are expressed through fashion statements. I have also had a lot of fun traveling up to Washington to watch Axels of Annihilation play at the Rust Riot tournament and recently against Jet City in Lynnwood. There’s something about being in "enemy territory" and cheering for the out of town underdogs.

If I must pick a specific bout moment, I would say the last bout between the High Rollers and the Betties was by far one of the most exciting roller derby matches I have ever watched. The last jam between Licker-N-Split and Rhea DeRange was intense with the outcome of the bout resting on this one last jam. I think every derby fan in attendance had to have loved that moment.

Describe some favorite non-bout moments with the Heathers.

There are many favorite moments; some I can remember and some I am reminded of!
I think my first non-bout activity was Derby Days last year at Oaks Park. Being a previous beer snob, Derby Days was my inauguration into consuming massive amounts of PBR. One of my fondest memories that day was watching my plastered hubby George try to hit the target on the dunk tank whenever a Heather took a seat in the tank.

Speaking of George, the Heathers’ Anti-Valentine’s Day party 2008 was another fine time, or what I can remember of the party. This time a little too much Dead Guy Pale Ale was consumed. . .but I do remember watching Viagrra pull George’s pants down at the spanking booth exposing his "tidy whities" and laughing hysterically while both Viagrra and Skyotica spanked the bad boy.

Some other fun moments that come to mind is a night drinking "tea" with Sol Train’s brother at Plan B. Ha Ha Hahaha, tea! The "Coup de Ebay" when George won Vominatrix’s silver bikini at a recent Wheels of Justice fundraiser. Or something as laid back as eating dinner with Goodie, Edie Disorder from the Betties and a couple other folks at Cha Cha Cha’s on Hawthorne.

Confess: do you have a favorite Heather? Many favorites? Who and why?

I have several favorite Heathers. The team is full of women with great character and skating skills. I already brought up Vominatrix and Goodie’s ability to change costumes and skater personalities but they are both great athletic skaters as well. Sol Train must also be mentioned to round out the Heathers’ triumvirate. Sol Train is just crazy fun to watch. I have too many favorites and too much to say about each of them. Cheesy but true. I do want to say quickly that I love watching Ringer, Viagrra and Scratcher jam; all have improved so much this year.

A recent addition to the Heathers Mobi-Wan Kenobi deserves a quick shout out though. I was happy to see the Heathers draft her earlier this year. George first met Mo last year at RDFC and I remember watching her skate as Fresh Meat and I’ve spoken to her a few times at RDFC too. Mo has unselfishly shaved her head twice this year for the sake of others - that says a lot about someone’s character in my book. I look forward to watching Mo and the other two newest Heathers - Ginger Binger and SheRex during the 2009 season.

What words of inspiration or advice do you have to offer to the Heathers as they prepare for their upcoming epic battle with the Breakneck Betties?

The Betties can be beaten. Snap their undefeated streak August 9 and take back the championship trophy! Stay focused and out of the penalty box. Be mentally strong and take each two minute jam as another opportunity to put those Betties in their place. . .SECOND PLACE.

I will lose my voice cheering you guys on and George is already working on signs to pass out to the crowd. I have even made a "death wager" that hinges on your victory. I have made a bet with a certain Bettie that the loser has to drink a shot of straight absinthe - that’s 140 proof alcohol people. That’s how much I love my Heartless Heathers. It’s very bitter and did I mention 140 proof? It’s really strong, as in corroding the esophagus strong. So, please selfishly, win so I can make the Bettie sprout hair on her chest when she takes that shot of unadulterated absinthe.


Sunday, August 3, 2008

Sunday Heathers Googling

Photo from Honathon's Flickr photostream

YouTube unsatisfying thus far on the Funky Four front, but we'll keep poking around.

Update: Haven't had time to sift through these YouTubes yet, but our heroines and hero may be represented somewhere therein.

Later Update: at 05:21 into this clip, F4+1M makes a brief appearance:

YouTube Clip

Looks like the glider design was sound.

Late Late Update: Ringer has found a definitive Funky 4 Plus One More vid:


Just in time for Championship Week, Rose City Rollers -- Victory Lap" with photographs by Douglas Remington, Steve Price and Chris Barnes. Opening reception 6-8 p.m. Tue, Aug. 5; Aug. 5-27, at Glenn and Viola Walters Cultural Arts Center: 527 E. Main St., Hillsboro (503-615-3485).

From the Hillsboro Argus:

Price first photographed the Rose City Rollers in March 2005, when the skaters allowed him to photograph a practice. He brought them prints and has has photographed the league continuously since then, including the first official bout in October 2005. He continues to photograph practices, bouts and social occasions for the league, and recently was elected the only male on the league board of directors.He is a Washington County Circuit Court judge. More of his work can be viewed at

Remington is a professional photographer from the Hillsboro area who can often be found working behind the counter at Main Street Home Brew Supply in downtown Hillsboro.

"I started photographing the Rose City Rollers when my friend, Steve Price, asked me to fill in for him for the Aug. 18, 2007, bout. I was not sure how I would do because I have had limited experience shooting sports, being a landscape/nature photographer primarily. I enjoyed that encounter and the challenge that roller derby offers me. It has helped me to sharpen my camera skills," said Remington, whose work can be seen at .

Barnes is a Seattle based photographer. "I've been an amateur photographer since the 1980s, but never really had the sports fan gene inside me. When a friend invited me to a roller derby event in 2003, and casually mentioned you could take photos of the games, I had no idea where it would go," Barnes said. "It's been a privilege to document the seasons as they unfold, providing me not only with a place to explore different photographic styles, but connecting me with the roots of any sport - the evolution of powerful rivalries, the dedication of the players to improve their game, and the excitement of the spectators that return month after month to support their favorite team."

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Teh Awesome


And the story itself is actually quite good.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Sol Train Drives the Big Skate into the Drink Tomorrow

Here's what to do right now: send a text message reading "team 29" to 72855. By doing so, you will be casting a vote for the The Funky 4 Plus 1 More's magnificent Flugtag craft.

You're probably aware that a strange thing is happening down at the Willamette River waterfront tomorrow, wherein various teams are piloting crafts they have constructed off of a 30-foot high deck.

And you're probably also aware that the team to cheer on is The Funky 4 Plus 1 More, since their team includes TeqKillYa, Sol Train, and No Namey from the Heartless Heathers, Rectifier formerly of the High Rollers, and Kevlar Reinforcement who is his own man. They will be flying around 2 p.m., so go give a yell.

Fire Crotch was kind enough to point us to Kevlar's photo gallery of the construction of the flying skate, which Sol Train will ride to glory tomorrow.

See? Pretty cool. Good lookin' people too, huh?

Godspeed, Big Skate.

Tea Time with Vominatrix

Skater Name: Vominatrix
Age: 24
Neighborhood: NE
Beverage of choice: Whiskey, grape juice, or cheap champagne
Heartless Heather since day 1.

CORONER: I read that great old article from the Oregonian about the genesis of the league this morning. The writer describes you over the laptop with your teammates trying to come up with a team name.

How did the name "Heartless Heathers" finally come into being?

VOMINATRIX: We had lists and lists of names.

We had a general idea but nothing was really working for us as far as names go. Finally Bitchen Camaro (yes she was a Heather once upon a time) came up with Heartless Heathers. We all loved the movie and knew that the Heathers were the most Heartless bitches out there so we went with it. It has developed a lot over the years, though.

What started your illustrious career in roller derby?

I read a tiny little ad on the back page of the Mercury. I had just moved to town and didn't have much else to do. Plus they promised me free skates, I might not have gotten those but it was still worth it.

It seems as though you live on your roller skates nowadays. What's your skating history?

I used to sneak to the roller rink with my friends when I was about 10 yrs. old, my Mom didn't let me go to late night skate. But I hadn't skated since then. It took a while for it all to come back.

Did you grow up around here?

No I grew up in Iowa. Moved here 4 years ago, not really sure why or how but it was a good decision I know that.

You were quite skilled at all positions from early on in season one, but you were relied on quite a bit as a jammer. As the Heathers' jamming bench has deepened, how have you diversified your skills to help your team most?

I love playing all positions and I feel that by being able to do so I am stronger for my team. I really have grown into loving pivoting which is mostly what I do for Wheels of Justice. I like that the Heathers let me mix it up a bit more. I would like to see more people bouncing off of me when I hit them instead of me bouncing off of them . . . guess I should go eat some cheeseburgers, huh?

How is national play (with Portland's traveling all-star team the Wheels of Justice) different from playing local teams?

It is nice to play different skill levels, to play people that you know nothing about when you hit the track. You don't know who hits the hardest who is the best jammer, you have to figure it out as the game happens and I love that.

How did you come about your derby name?

It was suppose to be for a friend, actually, and then everyone just started calling me Vominatrix - it just sort of stuck. Check out the movie Vomitorium it was part of my inspiration.

What do you think about the new rules? Are you playing any differently?

It has been interesting switching to the new rules. It is a different game now, jammers are in the box much more then blockers it seems and minors are almost nonexistent, it's a lot of majors these days. I think my biggest struggle is working with different interpretations of the rules some I don't always agree with but you have to learn to skate with the way a game is being called.

What is your non-derby life?

I try to take photos as much as I can, I am working on going to school next year (hopefully), and I just try to get out and enjoy the summer while it is still here.

How do you find time for it all?

Haha, I don't but somehow it all works out. I have my weeks where I freak out and feel like I can't do it all but then I think about not doing it all and how bored I would be.

What should fans keep in mind as they watch the Heathers take on the Betties in the championship bout?

Stay Loud and Stay Proud. We are going to need all of your support for this one. No matter what is happening just stick with us and remember that the louder you scream the harder we skate.