Saturday, February 26, 2011

Sudden Death in Seattle

Snaps to YouTuber StillFlame.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Tuesday Heathers Googling

A gentleman named Dave Hammargren enjoyed his night of derby at the Rose/Rat bouts, as he describes at The Blog Without a Name:

The bout of the night turned out to be the third match-up where Grave Danger took on the Heartless Heathers. Thirty minutes of derby action wasn’t enough for this one and “sudden death” was needed tied 82 all as regulation ended. The Heartless Heathers forced the overtime period with a miracle final jam and rode the momentum to another big jam in the “sudden death” to claim a hard fought victory. All in all, quite an exciting night of derby action.

Over at YouTube, emilybee1 uploaded a nice little clip of White Flight jamming against Carmen Getsome in the aforementioned match-up. Carmen takes a beating from Sol Train and Mercy before finally taking lead. Whitey is a joy to watch as always, leaping off the line, tailing Carmen closely and forcing a call with barely a pass.

And lest we forget, it's damn near party time.

Go show the Heathers all your hot monkey love.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Monday, February 7, 2011

If you go to one party this year,

make it this one:

From the Heathers' FB:

Love 'em or leave 'em with a night hosted by your favorite cold hearted ladies - The Heartless Heathers! Complete with full bar, music, dancing, skate-able floor, and the notorious games and attractions that have made these parties go down in infamy over the last six years. Don't miss the spanking booth, Human Wheel of MISfortune, Anti-Valetine's video studio, and much more!

$7 suggested donation at the door. 21 and over.

Sounds promising.

The action happens Saturday, February 26 at 9:00pm - February 27 at 3:00am at DUMHO Space (SE 2nd & Hawthorne). Very convenient by bus, by the way.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Big ol’ Betty Victory

Okay, I’m finally getting caught up on my blogging. Sorry for being so far behind…

Well, unfortunately I was unable to make it to last Friday’s Heathers’ scrimmage, but I hear that it was the total blowout that I was expecting. So I don’t feel too bad about missing it, but I did catch the Bettie vs. G’nR bout the following evening. This was yet another massive blowout. I wasn’t surprised, as that was what I was expecting. G’nR has been gutted of its star players by the Travel Team Only option that has also claimed our beloved JeLLyPiG and my lovely derby wife Kanna this season (or at least for the past weekend). Therefore I didn’t expect much from G’nR when I showed up at the hangar on Saturday. My expectations were confirmed soon after the first whistle blew. And man, did it ever blow!

I’ve been hearing MASSIVE amounts of hype surrounding Scald Eagle, so I was really curious to see what she was all about. Apparently Scald Eagle was originally on the Betties, but then switched to the Guns and Rollers amid some drama that derby girls are so well noted for. What I noticed was that Scald Eagle, much like her team G’nR, never misses an opportunity to miss an opportunity. What I mean by that is that there were so many times that she got lead jammer, yet failed to score a single point. Twice I saw her trip over what appeared to be her own skates, and once she fell after bumping into one of her own teammates (jam #13). All of those incidents took place after she established lead jammer status. Also, she receives way too many penalties to begin to live up to the hype that I hear people saying about her. Sorry, but in my opinion I don’t think that Scald Eagle is the magic bullet that G’nR needs this season.

The Betties defense was awesome (oh my god, am I saying a second nice thing about the Betties in the same day??? WTF?!?!). Even when G’nR would find themselves in a powerjam situation, the Betties would keep them from scoring. Take jam #15 for example – Harajuke Girl found herself in a powerjam situation with all four of her blockers. The Betties only had two blockers on the track. Yet the Betties kept G’nR from scoring that entire jam. And that didn’t just happen in Jam #15, either.

I’ll save you the pain of going through my notes jam-by-jam and describing how G’nR missed opportunity after opportunity. There’s no reason to beat a dead, smelly horse. Couple that that with the fact that the Betties were on fire that evening, and you have the makings of another epic G’nR ass whipping. Final score was Betties 209 to G’nR 73 (no, that’s NOT a typo). I chatted with a cool, calm, and collective coach Mr. DeRange briefly in the parking lot after the bout. He nonchalantly mentioned as he rolled a cigarette “George, I tried to hold back and take it easy on them and tried not to score so many points, but I can only do so much!”

So this Friday at the hangar we have our very own WOJ taking on the Detroit Derby Girls (8:00 PM), followed by the Heathers vs. the High Rollers the following evening (6:00 PM). I may let my lovely derby wife Kanna use my season pass for Friday, but you better bet your bottom dollar that I’ll be there on Saturday to see the Heathers take on the High Rollers. I have a shirt picked out for that evening already!

Heathers Por Vida!

What a season opener!

Okay, I know I’m a little bit late with this recap, but it’s just a busy time of year for me. The season opener at the Coliseum was phenomenal, in my opinion! I loved everything about it. If you were a photographer, you were singing the blues, but if you’re a volunteer you loved not having to set up the lights. Also, the location couldn’t be beat. I can stagger home drunk from there no problem. Anyway, on to the bout recap(s).

The first of the mini-bouts was the much anticipated matchup between the Heartless Heathers and the Guns 'n Rollers. G’nR is looking really bad this season (and I don’t mean “bad” in a good way), while the Heathers are looking great. So this bout was the total blowout that I was predicting. It started off with each team gaining a few points each jam, but G’nR trailing behind slightly. Then, as early as jam #5 the Blast Unicorn found herself in a powerjam situation and gained 20 points for the Heathers. What ensued after that was an ass kicking of epic proportions. The Heathers have such strong jammers and such effective blockers, that they made G’nR look like the Rosebuds out there.

When the Heathers say that they have successfully combined the new talent with the old, they’re not just feeding you a line of bullshit. It’s the truth! D-Day, TeqKillYa, and Sol Train are as effective as ever. Even the not-so-new-yet-not-so-old Heathers really shined. Blast Unicorn, Butcher Block, White Flight, and She Rex all looked strong. Some of our newest team members really impressed me that evening. Mercy had no problem getting lead jam again and again. She makes it look easy out there, and I expect her to emerge from this season as one of the Heathers’ shining stars.

The second mini-bout of the evening was the Breakneck Bettie vs. the High Rollers. This was a much more evenly matched bout. The Betties are looking really good this season. Mr. DeRange is their coach and in my opinion is doing an excellent job of honing the Betties’ skills on the track. This was a close bout with several lead changes. I need to mention that Layla Smackdown of the High Rollers was on fire that night! Her blocking was amazing! If she plays like that all season, she’s going to be tough to get around. Finally the High Rollers managed to win by two points in the final jam. It was a real crowd pleaser.

The third bout hardly even warrants mentioning. It matched the champion High Rollers against the sorry-looking Guns 'n Rollers. The final score was High Rollers 327 to G’nR 2 (and no, that’s NOT a typo). I felt that the High Rollers should have given G’nR a fighting chance by strapping skates on me and Kanna and sending us out there. We still would have won, but at least the score wouldn’t have been so lopsided.

The final mini-bout of the evening was the most exciting for me personally. It was our beloved Heartless Heathers vs. the Breakneck Betties. Sol Train is as amazing as ever. As early as jam #2 she was wielding her amazing ass and blocking like nobody’s business. But alas, the Betties were looking really strong that evening and pulled ahead early in the bout. There were a few lead changes and the score was close, which is always a great thing for a fan. The pace of this bout was much faster that the first bout that the Heathers played that evening. I felt as if the Betties were luring the Heathers into a speed skating game. Sol Train was tossed out in jam #15, but it wasn’t for anything “fun”. Just some boring technical reason like she had too many fouls or some crap like that. The Blast Unicorn was sent to box for elbowing (which I honestly don’t think that she did) in jam #18, and that really sealed the fate for the Heathers. I have to hand it to the Betties this season, they’re looking good (did I actually just say that??).

So there you have it, Heathers fans - an exciting season opener at a great new venue. Unfortunately these were just mini-bouts that have no bearing on the season standings. But it was great to see what the teams are going to look like this season. And I have to say once again – I LOVE THE COLISEUM!

Heathers Por Vida