Wednesday, December 24, 2008

RCR Season Tickets are available

Teq "Kill" Ya helpfully points us to the long-awaited 2009 Rose City Rollers Season Tickets page and notes,

"Some pretty creative offers that fans should like. If you're looking for the most last minute gift ever, or know somebody who is, let them know."

photo by Mark Narlene

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


Whilst being amazed by the talent at WFTDA nationals, I made the acquaintance of one Fighty Almighty (a friend of my friend Maxxx, but that is another story of serendipity.) I happened to mention that I didn't like my roller derby name Ginger Binger and that the name I had always wanted, Ruby Bruiseday, was taken. Fighty goes on to tell me that she is registered under the name, but that she never really used it and wanted to get rid of it. She wanted to give it to someone, not just open it to the masses. After a brief existential derby crisis, I decided to make the change.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

A Glimpse at Next Year's Season

A little heartbreak and a little glory from last night: The Wheels of Justice fell to the Texecutioners 113 to 60. Meanwhile in Bend, the Axles of Annihilation blew out Lava City in a 185 to 50 match. Huzzah to both of our traveling teams for their efforts.

The schedule below appeared overnight at the Rose City Rollers site. My guess (informed by a conversation with Nader) is that the January 24th opener, and the June 27th Championship bout will be held at the Expo Center, with the other bouts (possibly excepting March's Wheels of Justice bout) to be smaller, shorter events at the Oaks Park Hangar. It will be an interesting season, indeed.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Scratcher in the Eye, the Cliffs Notes Edition

Skater Name: Scratcher in the Eye
Age: 31
Neighborhood: NoPo
Beverage of choice: Jamesons
Heartless Heather for 3 years

THE CORONER: Let's start where we always start: how did you get mixed up with the Rose City Rollers?

SCRATCHER: Sol Train. She is good friends with my father. My dad invited me to go out to drinks with Miss Sol. She told me how fun it was. It seemed the perfect mix of athleticism with violence. I've always been an athlete. I played soccer from age 5 – 18. I could have played in college but decided an education was more important. Prior to roller derby I had been training and performing on the trapeze.

When Sol Train first told me about derby, the RCR dues were $40 a month, and at that point there was no way I could afford it. I had just moved back to Portland and didn't have a job yet. A couple months later I got my first pair of skates and went to Oaks to give it a try. I was hooked immediately.

Did you skate a lot growing up? What's your skating history?

As any child of the 80's I did go to the roller rink on the weekends for fun. The roller rink is still around, Golden Skate in Vancouver, Washington. I didn't go there very often but I had fun when I did. My favorite part of the night would be staying out on the rink for the fast skate. I would go as fast as I could to the "(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party!)".

You put forth a heroic effort in the championship bout against the Breakneck Betties, then ended up getting brutally tackled. What's it like having all 800 pounds of Ava Skatrix come crashing down on you?

It was unfortunate. I tore my MCL. As I was falling I was thinking get up quick then I felt someone on me and I thought to pull my knees in but it was too late. I heard a loud pop. It didn't even hurt that bad, but I knew it was bad. All that was flashing through my mind was there goes my chance to play at regionals and nationals for WoJ.

If you saw my face, it wasn't screaming F%&K out of pain, it was frustration cause I knew I wasn't going to get to continue on to play at the national level. It was disappointing to have all the hard work I put into training be useless and my dreams disappear. I'm still recovering. I am back on skates but it will be a few more months before I can play like I used to.

The local season is so competitive and cut-throat at times, yet you have skated alongside your RCR opponents on both the Axles of Annihilation and the Wheels of Justice. Have you ever found it difficult to put old rivalries or animosities aside and roll with a traveling team with former enemies? Do you think that maybe rabid Heathers fans overestimate the intra-league animosity?

I don't have enemies,... that I know of. There are individuals that I don't necessarily get along with. These are people I probably wouldn't get along with out side of derby or anywhere. These people are few and far between. For the most part I can let things go in order to accomplish what is more important (WINNING). One thing I think I've learned is that I can't change people and I'm not responsible for their behavior. This helps me to appreciate the positive things in people and let the negative roll off.

How has your team evolved since those early days, and how has your own game evolved?

Wow,... so much has changed in the 3, almost 4 years, I've been playing derby. For the first 4 months I didn't even know there was an out-of-bounds. I remember the first bout I played. It was the first season and the second bout we played against the GnR. We thought we didn't have chance to beat them. I played in 4 jams and in my first jam I remember riding Death Trish out into the audience. I thought I was so cool. It wasn't until after the bout that someone explained to me that I was hitting out of bounds.

For the first 2 years of derby I was known for playing kinda dirty. I always figured I didn't have that much skill so I had to make up for it with tenacity. Now I play a lot more cleanly. I will take an intentional foul when it's necessary, but I don't dive bomb people any more.

As a whole, derby requires a lot more strategy than it did when I started. It used to be every player out for themselves. Now we have to work more as a team. The 20-foot rule changed everything. We do a lot more pack drills and specific plays for specific scenarios. Also as players have gotten better and there is less of a divide in play level between players; we can trust each other more. There is so much more teamwork.

Did you grow up around here? If not, where, and how did you get here?

I grew up here. My mom and step-dad live in Vancouver, Wa. My dad and step-mom live in Portland. I spent many a night at the X-Ray Cafe and the old La Luna listening to local bands. After high school I went to Seattle to go to college. After college I moved to Boston for 4 years. Some where in there I also backpacked hitch-hiked and train-hopped around the country, Europe, and Latin America.

What are you occupied with outside of derby?

Right now I'm in grad school at the Oregon College of Oriental Medicine working on my masters degree. I'm studying to be an acupuncturist, and herbalist. It is a challenging program and its hard to balance between it and derby.

I also love to ride my bike. Whenever I'm on break from school and derby I try to take a bike touring trip. I road to Ashland this summer and I took another trip to Coos Bay. I like traveling by myself. I don't have to wait for anyone and I can go my own pace. It gives me time to catch up on my thoughts.

Before starting school I worked in construction and landscaping.

How did you choose your derby name? Do you have a special fondness for JD Salinger?

Catcher in the Rye was my favorite book when I was 13. I can't say that I really love it now. Holden Caufield is really a bit immature and spoiled, if you ask me, though I certainly could identify with his angst when I was a kid. Mainly I choose it cause I thought it was funny and I could use a lot of references from the book to build a character.

Scratcher's favorite move is Holdin'. Then there is that photo of me throwing children off the cliff. The catcher in the rye is what Caufield wanted to be when he grew up. To catch children playing in the rye. Instead of catching children I toss em'.

How do you find time for it all?

I don't. Well I do but sometimes things slip through the cracks. Like most people in derby, I live a pretty busy life. I'm pretty good at time management and I fit everything in a tight schedule. An average week day for me is get up at 5:30 am and bike 10 miles to school. After school I bike home another 10 miles then study for three hours take a 20 min nap and go to practice. I skate for 2-3 hrs. Then I come home and cook food for dinner and lunch the next day and study for another hour. I go to sleep some where around midnight.

I spend the weekends trying to catch up on sleep and school work. I pretty much have one speed and its full boar until I hit a wall and have to take a break. Sometimes that break is 2 weeks of sleeping 14 hours a night and skipping practice.

In what ways does national-level play differ from intra-league play?

It's different. There is less show and more athleticism. At our home bouts we get to play around and perform for the crowd. When your competing nationally you don't have time to show off, nor is it worth it. There aren't as many individuals on a team that stand out cause there are so many good players. In general, it's harder, tougher, and faster, with better strategy.

What are you looking forward to in 2009, inside or outside of derby?

I want to go to nationals. I don't want to watch, I want to play. It's pretty much my main goal in life. Then I can retire and go back to the trapeze. It's a much healthier sport.

I also want to bike tour Cuba. One can bike the whole island in 3 weeks. I was going to do it this Christmas but the up coming Texecutioners bout got in the way. Hopefully next Christmas I can spend biking, camping on the beach and drinking mojitos.

What are you looking forward to in that match-up against the Texecutioners this weekend?

I'm a bit nervous. I'm not in quite the shape I was when I got injured. I'm excited to skate against the mothers of our sport but I wish I was at full capacity. I am looking forward to learning and getting my ass kicked. Unfortunately it's the weekend before my finals so I'm just flying in skating and flying back out. No partying or sight seeing for Scratcher. Just studying on the plane and getting beat up.

Your family were big derby supporters from the get-go. Are they still big fans? Do they still get out there and support you?

My parents love derby. They have been super-supportive. I think its the first thing I've done in my adult life that they were both proud of. I've been such a radical, anarchist, krusty, punk/hippy for so long that they see my participation in derby as me becoming more normal. derby is a lot safer than organizing protests and getting arrested for civil disobedience; plus I bathe more. Heck I'm even off the no-fly list now.

You can definitely see my parents at the bouts. They are always jumping up and screaming. I think my mom has been told to sit down multiple times. Clearly she hasn't been sitting in the Ice Box. She has season tickets and is usually in the VIP section. You can identify her by her Mama Scratch hoodie. My dad sits on corner two and yells at the refs. He used to host a tailgate party out of his motor home in the parking lot before every bout but Expo nixed it. I imagine we might see it return next season at the Hangar.

Is there anything you would like derby fans to know that you think we might be oblivious to?

I think the most amazing thing to me is that WFTDA is probably the largest women's cooperative in the world. Member leagues of the national association cannot be privately owned but must be skater owned. Its a great structure for businesses and organizations. It allows all of us to have a voice in the development of the sport.

An example of how awesome our national organization is is the development of our own insurance company. Before we were forced to pay to an insurance company to be able to play, and that gave us a deductible of $10,000. Here we are putting our health on the line, and our insurance deductible is $10,000. The ladies of derby saw how ridiculous it was and started their own insurance company. Now I pay less for insurance and my deductible is 3,000. Its a huge difference.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Sunday Heathers Googling

Titania, The Mad Nader, and Dennis Culver have a comic book coming out from Oni in January TRUE TALES OF THE ROLLER DERBY: DOPPELGANGER AT THE HANGAR in which "Goodie Two-Skates is missing! And who are these new skaters–the freakishly perfect freshies that have suddenly shown up? The Wheels of Justice have to find Goodie and get to the bottom of this mystery before Nationals, or the Icy Blonde will succeed in corrupting the team forever!" This as a warm-up to the larger, graphic novel-sized project Nader and Titania are putting together for 2009. More on that soon.

Meanwhile, everybody's looking really good in the Flat Track Revolution shirts they bought at nationals, featuring the Che-like visage of Goodie Two Skates on a fine garment produced by your own Izabell Ringer and Slaybia Majora. We look forward to wearing more of their fine designs in the near future. Stay tuned!

Rocko Billy has a nice post at his blog about the recently completed national women's flat-track derby tournament. He has some good photo links as well as an embedded, extended series of nationals interviews from Moose at Derby News Network.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Roller Derby is NOT a Sport...

That was the bulletin headline I read on myspace yesterday, which required that I click in and read.

The post read as follows:
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Oly Rollers
Date: Nov 18, 2008 11:54 AM

according to the Oregonian that is.

Apparently a friend called the paper to ask why the WFTDA Nationals were not covered and she was told "because roller derby is not a sport."

How insulting to every skater, fan, volunteer out there.

PLEASE call and/or email the Oregonian and voice your displeasure and maybe even challenge the douche bags to a bout:


I put in a call this morning to the sports editor to get answers for myself. No word yet...

Please repost this and spread the word.

Now rarely do I trust a story that includes "a friend" in the set up but given my personal loathing of the Oregonian I bought in and launched my email to the editor.

This morning the response to my email salvo arrived.


> -----Original Message-----

> From: Sports MailBox []

> Sent: Wednesday, November 19, 2008 10:18 AM

> Subject: Roller derby


> Roller derby players, supporters and enthusiasts,


> Thank you for your concern regarding The Oregonian's coverage of roller

> derby. In what appears to have been a misunderstanding, here is a

> statement from our Sports Editor, Mark Hester:


> "What I said is that 'roller derby is not a sport The Oregonian covers.'

> There are a lot of sports we don't cover. We cover those with the most

> interest with the most emphasis - by far - on football, basketball,

> baseball, soccer, track and cycling. The last three don't receive much

> coverage in most newspapers, but we cover them because interest in Oregon

> is much higher than in most parts of the U.S."


> - Mark Hester, Sports Editor


> Sincerely,

> Marshall Mills

> Sports Editorial Assistant

> The Oregonian

> p: 503-221-8161

> f: 503-221-8168

> e:


So now we know...

Our lack of interest is why the sport section is not covering Roller Derby. It's
our fault. Of course my thought is maybe they don't know how many people DO have interest in the sport.

So, I leave it to you, Heartless ones...Let the Oregonian know there are Oregonians that love this sport and would like a simple mention, especially when the local league is hosting a MAJOR event like Nationals.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Gotham takes the title

- The Coroner

Championship Day

A rematch of the Eastern Regionals final, with New York and Chicago chasing the national crown, and Philly vs. Texas for the thirds place spot.

See y'all there after some biscuits and gravy at Podnah's.

- The Coroner.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

how does this keep happening

how does this keep happening to me? I have 3 sexist derby virgins sittin behind me making inappropriate comments. I may have to educate

- MercGirl

some of PDX's finest. Love them

- MercGirl

that was the craziest ending

that was the craziest ending to a bout ever.

- MercGirl

WTF! I cannot beleive thid

WTF! I cannot beleive thid

- MercGirl

my goodness Rice Rocket can

my goodness Rice Rocket can skate!

- MercGirl

Ringer with South City Shiner from St. Louis

- The Coroner

Now we are in the

Now we are in the bleachers with WCR fans behin and Texas parents in front. The Chicago fans are something else. Intense.

- MercGirl

I am surrounded by BAD

I am surrounded by BAD Girl fans. They are within 20 points now and these guys are going nuts!

- MercGirl

trying to understand this official's outfit

- MercGirl

Another first-round blow-out?

Kinda looks that way with Chicago currently leading Seattle by nearly 60 points.

- The Coroner

the native grow restless. the

the native grow restless. the refs are obviously vision inpared and possibly brain damanged.

- MercGirl

Hanner sittting on the foul line

- MercGirl

Lumber Jill

- MercGirl

Oh, substance

via DNN:

Nationals quarterfinals continue at 1pm Pacific time Saturday with (2e) Windy City vs. (3w) Rat City

WFTDA Nationals Friday: (1w) Texas Defeats (4e) Carolina in opening-round bout, 125-61 -- Texas advances to semifinals

WFTDA Nationals Friday: (1e) Gotham Dominates (4w) Duke City, 182-25 -- Gotham advances to semifinals

Aitch can't quit talking about the moment Miss E Vil put Beyonslay to the floor.

The dead-looking Coroner and the very-much-alive JeLLtPiG

- The Coroner

Intensive Scare and Sol Train @ Nats

- The Coroner

Friday, November 14, 2008


- MercGirl

3 derby virgins behind me

3 derby virgins behind me must be from NYC and keep dis'ing Miss E. I may have to educate them.

- MercGirl

Heathers sighting. Goodie standing behind

Heathers sighting. Goodie standing behind the Duke Cith team area drinking tea out of a real tea cup with saucer.

- MercGirl

there are three guys behind

there are three guys behind me that I really do not understand. they came in really late. at least 2 of the 3 seem to not get derby.

- MercGirl

I have a growing appreciation

I have a growing appreciation for our anouncers. Rocco looks like Dan Rather compared to one of these guys. Was that too bitchy?

- MercGirl

Sump Pump is funny and smart

- The Coroner

Megahurtz and Rhea from BNB at Nats

- The Coroner

Noz at Nats

- The Coroner

Scott, who loves them High Rollers

- The Coroner

Mobi-Wan-Kanobi @ Nats

- The Coroner

Scratcher, Aitch, Ringer at Nats

- The Coroner

so I took this great

so I took this great picture of Kanna and didn't save it. I have quite a good grip on the technologies. Bout 1 is starting.

- MercGirl

Last regiment again

- MercGirl

last regiment

- MercGirl

Oh, hey, Nationals start today

DNN has this preview of the first round bouts, plus a pic of one a lot of us want to see in action, Beyonslay:

Take loads of pictures and blog like mofos. I'll see if I can't get this mobile blogger thing workin'.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Sunday Heathers Googling

Sunday before the Northwest Knockdown, aka WFTDA Nationals - hope to see all of you there:

A now-iconic photo of Izabell Ringer makes Jezebel illustrating, of all things, a blurb on New Jersey derby:

Several Heathers tagged in Championship Party Photos at Viagrrra Falls' MySpace outpost. Apparently there's a larger cache of these snappies behind lock and key somewhere:

Fun party. Got to see everybody and even talk to a few people. Yes, Aitch drove us home.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Roller Derby National Championship, Portland, Ore., Nov 14-16

From the Ministry of Information:

Portland, Ore. (Oct 29, 2008) – On Friday, Nov 14th the top eight flat-track roller derby teams in the nation will descend on Portland, Ore., for the 2008 Women's Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA) National Championship: The Northwest Knockdown. Seattle's Rat City Rollergirls and Portland's Rose City Rollers will co-host the tournament featuring the hardest hitting, fastest derby teams in the country as they battle for the national title at the Portland Expo Center before an audience of 3,000 fans.

The Knockdown will highlight the volatility and unpredictable excitement inherent in the nation's fastest growing all-female sport, flat track roller derby. Tournament participants include a west coast Cinderella story (Duke City, NM), the east coast's year-long dominators (Gotham, NY), and the godmothers of modern derby who are dead set on regaining their place at the top (Texecutioners, Texas).

Texas Rollergirls (Austin, TX)
Gotham Girls Roller Derby (New York, NY)
Duke City Derby (Albuquerque, NM)
Philly Roller Girls (Philadelphia, PA)
Rat City Rollergirls (Seattle, WA)
B.ay A.rea D.erby Girls (San Francisco, CA)
Carolina Rollergirls (Raleigh, NC)
Windy City Rollers (Chicago, IL)

Tickets: 3-Day and Single Day Tickets available through TicketsWest
Doors Friday at 5:00 pm, Saturday Noon, and Sunday 1:00 pm
The Knockdown Party Tour: $33 for three nights of after parties at 13 venues featuring the best bands, DJs, grub and brew in Portland, OR (includes charter buses for Friday and Saturday nights)
For complete tournament details, please visit

About the Women's Flat Track Derby Association
Founded in 2004, the WFTDA promotes and fosters the sport of women's flat track derby by facilitating the development of athletic ability, sportswomanship, and goodwill among member leagues. The governing philosophy is "by the skaters, for the skaters." Women skaters are primary owners, managers, and operators of each member league and of the association. Operational tasks include setting standards for rules, seasons, and safety, and determining guidelines for the national and international athletic competitions of member leagues. All member leagues have a voice in the decision-making process, and agree to comply with the governing body's policies.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Docket

Here's the doin's:


9pm - 1am
The Crown Room
205 NW 4th ave, Portland, Oregon, USA
DJ AM Gold spinning funky-assed hits from the 30's to the 70's
Video replay of the championship bout!

Show up and shine out strong for the Heathers, just like they have done for their fans for three years!

That is all ye know on earth and all ye need to know.

Until Northwest Knockdown, Derby Nationals, November 14 - 16 at Portland's Expo Center. Hit that linked site! Very exciting mega-event.

Okay, then, see you Saturday!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Vom shows some art this Saturday at Branx, SE PDX

From the woman behind the lens at Delusional Photography:
I will be hanging some of my work up at a party this Saturday.Swing by and check it out and hang out with me :)
Where: Branx 320 SE 2nd
When: Saturday Oct 18th
Time: 10pm - bar close
Cost: $5
Theme: Drag so dress to impress

Monday, October 13, 2008

Gotham beats Chicago for Eastern Title

Archived bout coverage over at DNN.

Can't wait to see Beyonslay at Nationals, me.

Friday, October 10, 2008

The Big Bash for the Heathers Championship is Saturday, October 25

Spread the word, patriot. See you there -

Heartless Heathers 08 Championship Party
Saturday, Oct 25, 9pm - 1am
The Crown Room
205 NW 4th ave, Portland, Oregon, USA

Monday, October 6, 2008

West Regionals done. East Regionals next weekend. Northwest Knockdown next month.

Well, by now I'm sure you all know that, after suffering a bitter loss to the dreaded B.A.D. Girls, WoJ went on to destroy the Rocky Mtn Fight Club - a team that WoJ has OWNED the last couple times they've played.

After watching HOURS of live bout feeds, and getting frequent (and at some times constant) text updates from Noz who was at the Battle Royale live and in person, here are some of my takeaways.

1)The Texecutioners are back! The struggled through a tough, chippy battle with Rat City, then completely dominated B.A.D. in every way. Texas seemed to have been in a slump, dating back to last year's tourneys, but really getting scary this year. Let the Western Regionals serve notice that they have figured it out and are right back in the hunt as the #1 seed from the West going into next months Northwest Knockdown here in Pdx.

2. Rat City is truly one of the ELITE teams in the WFTDA. Dating back to before the Bumberbout in 2006 they have beaten just about every top quality team they've faced, and though they've fallen short of winning it all at Nationals, they are always right in the mix. Might this be their year?

3. Duke City's Munecas Muertas, long one of my favorite derby teams, played the the Cinderella role at this year's Western Regionals ball. Much like KCRW last year, they stormed into the top 4 and earned a Nationals berth from the lower seeds. Could they duplicate KC's dark horse run all the way to the championship?

4. B.A.D. has been making a lot of noise all year, schooling our Wheels of Justice twice. But their meltdown in the Regional championship bout vs the Texecutioners shows they still have some things to figure out before they're ready to take home the gold. Can they work out the kinks in time to challenge for the National championship next month?

5. Colorado has become an amazing hotbed of derby talent. Fielding TWO teams from Denver (Denver Roller Dolls and Rocky Mountain), and one from the nearby Colorado Springs (Pikes Peak Derby Dames), Colorado teams made up 25% of those invited to Regionals. Imagine how tough they'd be if those 3 leagues were merged into 1.

6. KCRW seems to have imploded after their phenomenal 2007 championship year. Even after their loss last month to Windy City I still thought they'd be back to defend their crown at Nationals. But Duke City stunned them in the 2nd round this weekend, sending KC packing early. With the impending retirement of Snot Rocket (currently the WFTDA co-record holder, along with Kamikaze Kim of Duke City, of the most points scored in a single-jam) the future looks to be a little rough for the Roller Warriors.

7. RCR's Wheels of Justice...what can you say about this team? I guess ultimately they finished last weekend's tourney right about where they should have given their ranking going in. Yeah, it would have been SWEET for them to skate in front of their home crowd in the Northwest Knockdown, but despite their hard-fought bouts, they just didn't have enough to break into the top 4. But they've taken some strides in the right direction this past year, and if they can find a way to finally win those close games, and get some more experience skating against quality opponents, they might be ready to make their first serious run at a National championship next year.

So there you have it. Entering the Northwest Knockdown from the West we have the TXRollergirls, B.A.D.Girls, Rat City, and Duke City. We'll have to wait until next weekend to find out who will make it from the East.

I'll be pulling for Charm City to follow Duke's lead and make it out of the lower seeds into the top 4, but that means they'll have to get past Cincinnati in the opening round and Windy City on day two.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

No Joy in Mudville.

I'll spare you the Mighty Casey bullshit. Nothing hidden in that headline. This morning our heroes, the WoJ, fell to the BAD girls from the B.ay A.rea D.erby, in a 120 to 95 ugly bout.

BAD established a lead quickly, WoJ did get within five in the first half. BAD had answers for whatever the Wheels threw at them. It was not pretty, the bout was sloppy, the feed kept crapping out, DNN was slow to update scoring and it was damn early. I'd love to offer some insight to the action but it took all my faculties just to process what I was seeing and keep things working on my end. Rhea added some much needed numbers, Blood Clottia played as amazing as yesterday, but much of the first half was Jammerless Jams. By half time the score had gone to BAD 55, Wheels of Justice 37.

The second half didn't get much better though the Wheels would pull with in 3.There were great jams by Rhea, Bumps, Clottia and Goodie. BAD did a great job controlling the pack and thus controlling the bout. They have a cast of creative jammers and the WoJ jammers just had no answer for getting through the pack. The WoJ struggled against a tough team and we lost, no excuses. BAD displayed great teamwork and that is a defining element to success in this sport.

The Wheels of Jusice started the year in some struggling bouts on the road, but did serve it up against Rat City and AZRD prior to the Battle Royale and have shown some elevation of their game. Though it's tough to lose they did play hard. Their tournament isn't over since they have at least one consolation bout.

The party is still on in November as the Rose City Rollers and Rat City play host to Nationals. I'm hoping to see my East favs, the Windy City Rollers here in Portland, but that will play out next weekend in Madison, WI. If you love the game you can't miss it.

Speaking of the Rats...

No surprises in Rat City's (2w) victory over Tucson (7w) yesterday. This was Rat City's opening bout in this Battle Royale but that's not why they won. Rat City won because they are a dominating team and that is just what they did to Tucson. Tucson was skating their second bout of the day, but frankly showed no spark from the beginning of the bout. Tuscon required ten minutes to post a point, which meant Rat City had already racked up 40! This was the turning point of this bout...

Between the four quick beers (after 5pm...Mom) on the empty stomach and the fact I had been OD'ed on online derby action, I lost interest. Not because I don't love Rat City, in the same way that any freaky Northwest native doesn't secrectly love the Mariners (....and all the great teams they bring out West that we can see). Frankly Rat City had this one, 113 to 22 at the half, and 170 to 81 at the buzzer. (Okay not a buzzer because of the stupid "jam on" rule but you know what I mean.) I'm gonna guess Rat City saved some energy in the second half for the Semi Finals tonight and who ever they face in game 16.

That opponent depends on who ever wins the bout that is on now, Rocky Mountain versus the Texas Roller Girls. The babbling chat box on the live feed from the bouts has loads of comments about "Austin what's the title". Well the title will have to go through Rat City first...

Check it out yourself

You can read all the action live at DNN boutcast.

Checkout the streaming video .

Friday, October 3, 2008

Round one and the Wheels are rolling in TeXaS!

Our beloved Wheels of Justice (5w) served it up 114 to 61 over the Denver Roller Dolls (12w) to advance to next round of the WFTDA Western Regional Tournament. Highlights include a 10-0 jam by Blood Clottia in the first half, Vom turning in 12 before being sent to the box midway through the first half. Denver did rally a bit towards the end of he first half, turning in single digit jams along with some tough defense from the monster Boo Boo Radley and Jersey Trouble dou to bring the first half to a Rose City 60, Denver 28 close.

The second half started with a full 2 minute 12-0 jam by Rose City."
DNN - Hurt Reynolds: After a careful scientific poll, 3 out of 3 DNN staffers agree that we don't know who jammed the first jam of this half". Shortly after our Vom pulled out of the pack and was soon after...sent to box for a Jammerless Jam. That doesn't put points on the board V !. But "In the Box" was regular occurrence for both sides in the second half as fouls stacked up. Rhea turned in a 9-0 jam before being sent to the sin bin bringing the score to 98 to 41 with 14:38 to go in the second half. Firecrotch jamming against Jersey Trouble crossed the century mark for the Rose City for a 101-43 lead. D. Konstructor then turned in a 5-0 jam to build on the Rose City lead. And "time in the box" continued with several Jammerless jams as the bout wound down.

The victory earns the WoJ the balance of the day off from play, they will face the B.ay A.rea D.erby Girls at 8am CMT, tomorrow morning. (Damn, up at 6 on a Saturday...)

B.A.D. has the 4th seed position in this tournament and is stocked with all star players that are self proclaimed "Douchebags", it won't be a pretty or an easy morning for our WoJ. A win against B.A.D. would mean a place in the Semi Finals and a spot at National, here in the lovely Rose City this November. It also means a second bout Saturday night, but being roller derby superheroes is not an easy job. A lose means they are done...well not really there are a crapload of consolation games to this event but the season as the locals know it is over. So tomorrow is the most important game if they are to have a season that continues past this tournament.

Also advancing from round one thus far:

Duke City (9w) held off a second half rally by Pike Peaks(8w) for a 138 to 99 final. Duke City now has to play against Kansas City(1w) in Game 7, later today. Have fun Duke City...

Despite a tight first few minutes, Tucson (7w) handed Dallas(10w) a lose in a 112 to 52 win. Tucson played the bout very smart towards the end to save some gas, since they face Rat City(2w) in Game 8, as the last bout for this evenings play.

There is still one more first round bout to be played today, which pits Rocky Mountain against the home town heroes Houston.

You can read all the action live at DNN boutcast.

Watch the silly stream at:

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Heartless Heathers Championship Celebration, Saturday, Oct. 25

via the Ministry of Information:

The Official Heartless Heathers Championship Celebration will be at The Crown Room on Saturday, October 25th from 9:30-1:30 AM. The Crown Room is a swanky lounge setting with oversized booths, a dance floor and stage located at 205 NW 4th Ave in Old Town (next to Magic Gardens). Fun, funky music from the 1930's-70's will be provided by DJ AM Gold (who played the league championship after-party). All fans and friends are invited to this fun event!

No parking on the dance floor.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Docket

Heathers Por Vida insignia by Aitch, chalk on sidewalk, Corvallis OR, 08/23/2008

Here's the doin's:

New derby league in Corvallis, OR kicks off with a fundraiser, this Friday night at 8, at 126 SW 4th St, in Corvallis, oddly enough. I guess that club is called Platinum. Bands will play. Merry will be made. Funds will be raised.


Oct 3rd-6th WOJ at Western Regionals in Houston Texas.

WFTDA Western Regional Tournament in Houston, Texas, featuring our own Wheels of Justice battling their way toward the National Championships right here in Portland, Oregon in November.

RCR Tryout Stuff:

Tryout clinics, where you learn things down there at Oaks Park, about trying out and stuff, presumably at the hangar:

First One - Oct 4th 2008, 3pm - 5pm
Second One - Oct. 11th 2008, 3pm - 5pm

Lots of info at the link above on what to bring, who not to bring, etc.

Actual tryouts, where you try out:

Tuesday October 14th 6:45 - 8:45pm

Go try out. It's a tryout, after all.

Monday, September 22, 2008

WOJ/Axles Recap is up over at ABD

Elwood has the dope, now with stats!

Oh, and say, I think when JeLLyPiG makes it back to these parts, he might be writing a lot about rules, strategy, technique, and all that technical type of snurfle that I rarely pay much attention to because I'm so smitten with the stars and the fans. So gird your loins to fend off his penetrating questions, coaches, captains, and stars of derby.

One more thing, if I may. This is quite a pile-up (and Skippy Steve has started uploading):

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Well, that was fun: WOJ and Axles both roll to victory

Axles huddle to hear Scratcher out. Photo via Jason Van Orden's flickr stream.

You may have heard by now that the Wheels of Justice pretty well smooshed Arizona's Tent City Terrors 124 - 34, and that the Axles of Annihilation did in their foes from Sacramento in a much tighter 58-36 battle.

Loved seeing such champion Heathers as Fire Crotch, Goodie 2 Skates, Sol Train, and Vominatrix give it to 'em, in a sweet-assed Coda to the Heathers' RCR championship last month (sad that Scratcher was still on the injured list, but maybe she'll be ready to go by the time of Western Regionals).

And for the Axles, the performance and focus displayed by Ginger Binger, Mobi-Wan-Kanobi, Sump Pump, Titania, and Viagrra Falls were impressive.

I wish I were able to do a decent recap, but I usually just get so revved up yelling that by the time an evening of derby is over, I have forgotten most of what has happened. So unless somebody has anything particularly recappy to say, we'll just wait for ol' Elwood to write one as soon as he gets over having a maliciously dropped brick smash into his windshield. But I will say that it was a particular delight to see Fire Crotch on the jam.

On the social circuit, I burdened the following stalwarts with short bursts of my company: the Mad Nader, MercGirl, Kanna, and George. I also enjoyed hellos and hugs from HRMF's Intensive Scare and Dee Cap-A-Skater, and a beery chat (on both sides) with The Harmacist. D-Day escaped having to shake my sweaty paw by running off in the nick of time.

Speaking of the social circuit, one runs into the damnedest people on Alberta Street. Clearly, I need to quit wasting all my time blogging and devote my energies to portrait photography, my natural gift:

That's all I got. What you got?

Sunday, September 14, 2008

The Docket

Vominatrix lays some keister into Rat City's Carmen Getsome. Photo by Axle Adams, aka Jules Doyle.

Bad blogger, I know. Late August through early September was a blur of weddings, bashes, bicycle wrecks, and other such stuff that kept me from my keybo ard duties, but on this beautiful Sunday of what promises to be a great week of roller derby, we hereinbelow present the doin's:

Cheap Ticket Night is Wednesday, September 17, from 7 - 10 p.m. or so at Rogue, Beulahland, Night Light Lounge, Kay’s Bar and Oaks Park Skating rink. Go have a booze with some skaters, get some merchandise, and get your cheap tickets for . . .

Saturday night's Wheels of Justice revenge match against the Arizona Terrors, with the Axles of Annihilation facing down Sacred City. Last known home bout until Nationals, so get with the program. Watch those fab Wheels try to follow last week's Rat City-whompin' act to further glory. Bask in that reflected glory.

Oh and say, they're still raffling that Harley courtesy of Heathers sponsor Team Latus Harley Davidson.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

DNN: #10 Rose City shuts down #3 Rat City, 154-63

Derby News Network is reporting that Rose City Rollers demolished Rat City tonight.

Congratumalations, RCR.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Wednesday Heathers Googling

Sol Train and D-Day (furry booties!) just like old times, only better. Photo by Steven L. Price

Rocko Billy discusses the championship bout at his blog. Go give him some love in the comments section.

Chrissy loved the bout too. Go give her some love in the comments section.

If you're new to this blog, have a look at three favorite older posts and meet some very interesting Heathers:




Ginger Binger

Go give 'em some love in the comments section.

More Heather and Cadaver profiles in the hopper.

Monday, August 25, 2008

The Docket

Here's the doin's:

Saturday, Sept. 6 - RCR's Wheels of Justice vs. Seattle's Rat City Rollergirls All-Stars, the Hangar at Oaks Park, doors open at 5:30, bout at 6:00. Go see Fire Crotch, Goodie, Vominatrix, Sol Train (Scratcher is still injured, sad to say), and the other Wheels take on Seattle in this one-of-a-kind WFTDA-sanctioned bout in the intimate setting of the hangar.

Ticket info is a bit different this time around - only 400 $25 tickets are available, and only 200 are in the hands of the Rose City Rollers.

Time is tight for these two, who are practicing during every free minute, so you might try the method suggested by RCR's MySpace mistress:

"Okay, here's what you need to do since we're doing things a little differently for this bout....

Get in touch w/ your derby girl buddies, tell them how many tickets you want, and then give them the ticket money up front ($25/ea). They will take your cash to the appropriate person(s) holding tickets for this bout and get them for you. Tickets are VERY LIMITED for this bout, so get yours fast!

p.s. This bout is also a fund raiser for both all-star teams (Portland and Seattle) to get to Western Regionals in Houston, TX. Thanks for your support!

Fire Crotch would like to further emphasize:

"We will likely NOT have will-call nor sales at the door, so I'd like to (as tactfully as possible) keep people from showing up without a ticket thinking thatthey can get in. I'm also trying to make sure that every single person who gets a ticket knows not to go to the Expo Center, just in case people don't read on the ticket that the bout is at the hangar at Oaks Park!

Got it? Good!

Saturday, Sept. 20 - RCR's Wheels of Justice vs. Phoenix's Tent City Terrors, and RCR's Axles of Annihilation against Sacramento's Sacred City Roller Girls. We're back at the Expo Center for this double-header. Look for Mobi-Wan Kenobi, Ginger Binger, Titania, and Viagrrra Falls on the Axles.

Get your ass some tickets here.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Identify Yourself

Photo by Jules Doyle

Clicking on the image above will take you to a larger view of the photo. I can identify a few cadavers: sitting on the floor at the far left of the shot is Greg with the red lei, then Wendy in the yellow top, me with the water bottle and that permanent dumbass look on my face, Andrew behind me looking pensive, Aitch in the Heathers shirt, laughing, Max behind Aitch's left elbow in the white lei, Alex in the horizontal center of the frame, smiling and applauding. Then there's Chrissy up there in the bleachers on the left side of the pic, in a black shirt, applauding with her hands above her head. Robin and Natalie may have gone for beers or merch at this point, and Nick may have as well, but maybe I'm just not seeing him.

Can you identify anybody in this photo? Yourself?

Monday, August 18, 2008

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Heathers done and skating off in to the sunset?

NEVER!  They're out there till the sun goes down getting ready for the 2009 season!

Have no fear, the celebrations haven't even kicked into full swing yet.  More congratulations, more parties, more fists in the air are to follow.  Stay tuned for info.
Heathers starting the long trek to the 2009 Championship!
Thanks to each and everyone... 


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

More Championship Ruminations

Photo via Kat Cole's Flickr stream

Kanna checks in:

The Heartless Heathers hit the track at the Championship bout focused and ready to kick some Bettie booty. There can be no excuses, no what ifs, no coulda shoulda wouldas, it was a resounding defeat of forty two points and it was beautiful! A few things come to mind that were quite memorable, and of course, these are in no particular order.

1. Having a seven point lead going into half time. Not a big lead but I believe a huge mental advantage. If not for the team, it sure was for some fans! I knew my halftime Bushmills went down easier with that halftime score.

2. The Heathers playing as a team. Communication and fantastic teamwork by the blockers and pivots. It helped slow down the Betties’ jammers frustrating them over and over again.

3. Sitting on the jam line and the view of the Ice Box. Especially when the Cadavers would go wild! The sea of Heather signs, Nurse Ratched leading the fracas with her bull horn and the chant “Heaaaaaaaaaaaathers Heaaaaaaathers” filling the giant hall. The HRMFs were going ape shit in their corner cheering the Heathers during the second half. I could see New Seasons Matt across from me yelling away. Mr. Barfly and Mr. D-Day with his cowbell. The visuals! The sounds!
Too freaking cool

4. Incredible jamming by each person who stepped up to the line. Especially Sump Pump who would consistently come up to the jam line and rack up the points. The Betties just could not put a body on Sump Pump to even slow her down!

5. One jam in the second half where Ringer was lead jammer and there were three Betties sitting in the box. Going insane knowing we had a freaking speed skater out there just doing what she does best and we had a four on two advantage on the track. I think that jam put the nail on coffin of the Betties undefeated season.

6. Scratcher going down right in front of me. What a warrior! WhaBam she goes down hard, pounded even harder into the ground with Ava Sk8trix on her back yet she composes herself to skate off the track. She’s my new hero. Seriously

7. I swore off champagne the morning after my high school graduation back in 1859. I have pretended to sip champagne at so many weddings, graduations and other celebratory events since that time; however this night, the Heartless Heathers just took the 2008 championship trophy. Decisively to boot. So, at the Kenton Club, this drunk happy gal drank herself some champagne!

Thank you Heathers for all your hard work and dedication this season. Ringer and Slaybia, great job coaching! To each and every one of you Heartless Heathers and your entire support crew, bravo! I am so happy and proud to be a Cadaver.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Collective Debriefing (Installment One)

Photo: Aitch gives some Betties the Ice Box treatment on bout day.

Just Out and "The Möndäy Rëpört" (paragraph four is where the action starts) offer differing perspectives on the Heathers' defeat of the Betties. MORE: GinGer Kat has some photos up. Skippy Steve seems on the verge of doing some uploading.

UPDATE: Elwood has his jam-by-jam recap up.

Meanwhile and foremost, Cadavers are continuing to report back:

It was a very exciting bout, which, when you think about it, is amazing considering the 42 point spread. The Heathers shut those Betties down!

I admire all of the skaters -- but I love to watch Sump Pump. It's the way she just glides on through the pack even when it's super scrappy in there.

My favorite moment of the bout was when the Heathers broke 100. I thought "ohmigod they're really going to win this thing!!"

That was a great night! I really wanted the Heathers to win the championship, and they delivered! Sump Pump was really impressive jam after jam. Viagrrra and Vominatrix kicked some Bettie ass and raked in some major points, too. Of course I always love to see Sol Train out there, and she didn't disappoint me (as if she ever could). Ringer was the fastest skater in the building! All of the Heathers looked to be in top form, and I definitely saw their "A" game that night. I like the fact that they pulled ahead early and went into the half being up by seven points. That really lowered my stress level during halftime. I saw some great derby that night, and I couldn't be happier that they're the 2008 Season Champions! Thank you Heathers!!!

George offers his view from the jamline:

The Heathers had an outstanding bout, and showcased why they are the best damn team in the league.

The Betties didn't get to the championship bout by accident. I'm not a fan of the Betties, but I have to admit they have worked their joyless mojo with some success this year. It was sooo satisfying to seem them taken apart and schooled.

The Heathers outplayed them as a team. The Betties usual discipline was broken early on, and the Heathers controlled the front, the middle, and the back of the

Time after time blood thirsty Betties engaged 20ft in front of the pack. And lo, the scales were lifted from the eyes of the refs and the Betties finally got called on their crap. Megahurtz, is usually a vicious attack dog in the back of the pack, but Heather's blockers had her locked down. Likewise the Betties' jammers were shut down by great defense. The Heathers just looked good all around.

The Heathers offense was in great form too. Goodie was focused and put on a clinic for the Betties. Vominatrix showed off some dazzling moves, and racked up a bevy of points. I'm the guy in stands with the bell. Did you hear me ring that sucker like crazy as Ringer was sticking it to the Betties? Her speed put up 14 unanswered points in a penalty situation.

So many great moments. Slaybia assisting Vominatrix around turn #2 past three Betties. D-day and Firecrotch owning any part of the track they wanted. Rhoda Killa with some punishing hits. Viagra, Mobiwan, X2Z, Titania, were all solid. Every Heather looked great - I can't wait for the highlights video.

It was a good night to be a Heathers fan, congratulations Heathers!

Captain Slaybia's Reflections on the Championship

Izabell Ringer, the championship trophy, and Slaybia Majora

We asked Heartless Heathers Captain Slaybia Majora for her thoughts on winning the championship, and she graciously responded:

Champions - the word keeps echoing in my mind and I have had a dopey grin on my face since Saturday. That was probably the single most amazing game I have played in since I started skating 3 years ago.

I admit going into the game I was a little worried and by the end of the 1st half I was ready to puke. A 7 point lead in derby is negligible and nothing to be relied upon. I knew the game was going to be close and that we would have to fight tooth and nail for it the entire time.

Looking at the team during the break I saw smiles and laughter and felt a relaxed attitude which made me a wee bit dubious. We were getting ready for the fight of our lives/derby careers and the Heathers are having a good time, not the typical reaction to a high stress situation. We had a quick meeting before going out again saying to step up the intensity, get mean, play harder, this is the last 30 minutes of your life and so on and still they were smiling. It was starting to freak me out. But, of course, the Heathers are the red-headed step-children of the league so I should have known the mood would be the opposite of typical.

In the 1st half there was a slow building of intensity and teamwork that helped us hammer away at the Betties. During the 2nd half that slow progression was upped tenfold by each and every Heather pushing herself and her teammates to the next level. The team was looking like a well oiled machine out there with players rotating, recovering and hitting the crap out of opposing jammers. Our bench was cool and collected and not a single player looked over played or tired. I think this is what really won us the game. Our bench is deep so we could basically throw any blocker or jammer out there and we didn't have to put all the strain on the top players. Players felt confident working with their teammates and thus everyone's self-confidence was heightened and we played an extremely smart game.

I'm not saying the 2nd half was an easy one. There were moments that made me feel like my insides wanted to be outside and that reminded me of our game against the Betties earlier this season. We always seemed to manage to pull ourselves together though and then rally for another jam.

I was truly amazed by our performance on Saturday. All that we had worked on as a team came together beautifully. Every single player brought their best game to the track and brought home this victory. I was a Heather during the 06 Championship and can tell you this one felt so much better. The Heathers, our support staff, and our awesome fans have my undying love, affection and gratitude. This past year has been a hard one for me and winning this Championship is the first time I've felt genuinely happy in a while. Thank you to everyone for helping with this win. HPV!!!!!

Slaybia Majora

Sunday, August 10, 2008

A Very Nice Photo of the 2008 Champions

photo by Axle Adams

Heartless Heathers 125, Breakneck Betties 83

See here, and especially here (i.e., Noz' metaphysical, numerological post directly below), you whippersnappers.

What's the answer to life the Universe, and everything??

Well, it just so happens to be the same number as the number of points the Heathers BEAT the Betties by.


Captains Ringer and Slaybia holding the RCR Championship Trophy, very disappointed it wasn't 142.