Meet the Cadaver: MercGirl

Cadaver Name: MercGirl
Age: 39 and 10/12ths
Neighborhood: Felony Flats
Beverage of Choice: Metro Mint Chocolate Mint Water
Misc: Driver of the coolest big pink car ever. Cubicle slave M-F.
Cadaver for 2 Years

Q.You actually tried out for Roller Derby way back when it was starting, didn't you? What are your memories of all that, and what derailed your plans?

I actually planned to try out last winter. I had wanted to try out since the very beginning and it took me that long to work up the guts to do it. I was unemployed last winter and spent several days a week skating at Oaks getting ready to try out.

When the January pre-tryout clinic rolled around, I felt pretty good about my basic skating skills and endurance. I showed up at the hanger, nervous as HELL with all the proper gear. I managed to do about two laps around the track before I fell hard on my ass. I hurt BAD. I got up fast and refused to show any reaction to the pain. I kept skating through the entire clinic (about 2 hours) learning to fall and stuff. When it was nearly over I told Judge Mental what had happened. I was hurting bad by that point. She advised that I take some time off, ice my butt and possibly see a doctor.

I drove home in excruciating pain. My husband was not too happy with the state of me when I got home and tried to get me to take my sorry ass to the hospital. I refused to go, of course. (I am an idiot.) I did see my doctor later and she confirmed that my tail bone was cracked and the only thing to do was let it heal and sit on a donut pillow. I had already had to have fluid drained off my knee from falling down at Oaks one too many times, my back is not the greatest, now my butt was broken. I was starting to get the idea that maybe I was a better Cadaver than skater.

It was hard to accept at first, but I am okay with it now. I have hopes of helping Nurse Ratchet (my neighbor) decorate for the Championship Bout and make signs. I still have to sit on the donut pillow in the Ice Box (the bleachers suck.) I made a stylish skull print cover for it.

Q.How did you start as a Heathers fan, and what keeps you coming back to the Ice Box?

I am a Heather, it was a given at first, but I stay because I LOVE the team. Everyone Heather I have met has been wonderful, beautiful and gracious. I am enamored with each and every one of them.

Q. Do you have any favorite moments from bouts past?

Most recently it was seeing the Heathers come back and beat G-n-R at the last bout. That new rule was maddening and I was really sweating that score first half.

Q.Which Heather do you revere most, and why?

Got to be Goodie. We are a couple of months apart in age and she was my major inspiration for finally trying to try out. We seem to have many things in common. Oh, and holy hell can that woman skate.

Q.You and your daughter Hannah (bassist for Portland's own Monster-Sized Monsters), usually attend pretty well decked out in Heathers colors and gear. And you do a lot of skating together. Does Hannah have a derby future?

We do plan our derby outfits. Gotta sport the team colors. I own more blue items now than I have ever in my lifetime. Sadly Hannah will not be at the Championship bout with me, her band is going on tour. I will be lost with out her, but I will send her text updates of the score. We do skate together quite often. Not as much as we would like. Life gets in the way of fun. She is actually working at Oaks this summer as a ride operator.

Hannah is determined to try out as soon as she is old enough. She just turned 19. The Rosebuds starting this year kinda bummed her out because she is too old for them and too your for RCR. Only 2 more years.

Q.You're also a big High Rollers fan. How do you cope with the inevitable inner turmoil when the Heathers and the High Rollers face one another?

I stress, I toss, I turn. I just have to know that the HRMF know that I love them and deal with the inner turmoil. I own a LOT of green too.

Q. Any words of wisdom or inspiration for the Heathers in the run-up to their epic championship battle with the Breakneck Betties?

Kick their prissy asses.