Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Another Reason Not to Drink My Water

Marriage appears to be contagious on the Heartless Heathers (and in the league in general) this season, with three Heathers tying the proverbial knot between May and August.

Tara Heartout was the first to go. She married Mr. Heartout (Keith) in Chicago on May 17th before returning to Portland for a second reception with the Heathers. According to Ms. Heartout, it didn't feel official until she had celebrated with her team. Tara's lovely reception at McMenamin's Edgefield included a rented photo booth that printed any and all obscene photos that the Heathers posed for.

On July 19th, Rhoda Killer will marry longtime boyfriend Mr. Killer (Eric) in Stevenson, Washington. One of Ms. Killer's three bridesmaids will be best friend and teammate Apocalipstick, who is also providing the wedding cupcakes with generous help from Mobi-Wan Kenobi. Unfortunately, the league scheduled a travel team bout in Philadelphia the very same day, so a few Heathers will be unable to attend, but they will surely be there in spirit.

Apocalipstick is set to marry Mr. Apoc (better known as DJ Bobby) the weekend after the Championship Bout, because, well, the date seemed like a good idea at the time. Due to its proximity to the bout, the bride has a tendency to respond, "black and blue" when guests inquire about the wedding colors. Apoc's wedding will be officiated by league photographer Skippy Steve, with flowers provided by close friend and ex-High Roller Wetback Attack, and makeup provided by teammate Viagrrra Falls.

I assure you, dear reader, that while we hit hard and sweat harder on the track, we clean up nice.


The Coroner said...

My, quite a summer for the Heathers. Congratulations to all.

Lovely post, by the way.

Miss Conduct PDX said...

Three reasons to party!

I'm starting a list of things that won't exist at Apoc!'s wedding:

1. Unity candles (or any other type of unity anything).

2. Pink roses.

4. Non-alcoholic punch.

5. Groomsmen wearing matching cumberbunds.

6. The ceremonial lifting of the veil (like Bobby doesn't know what you frickin' look like already!).

There must be others. Come on, people! Help me out.


Apoc said...

Oh let's see, there won't be any bridesmaids at my wedding, nor will we be expressing emotion in public. It'll be something like "Bang! You're married! Everybody drink!"

Miss Conduct PDX said...

You might not express emotion in public, but even "bang! You're married" will make me cry.

I'm just a frickin' softie.