Saturday, July 19, 2008

Hellooooo Nurse!

A few months ago, I was riding my bike around the neighborhood and almost had a wreck when I spied a familiar white uniform hanging up in the window of a vehicle about a block from my house. “Holy crap!! That is Nurse Ratched’s uniform!”

I couldn’t believe that she could actually be my neighbor, so I rode by again a few days later. Same vehicle, Heartless Heather’s sticker on the window and the uniform hanging up in the back, it was true, she lived in my neighborhood. The Nurse Ratched is my neighbor.

Of course this didn’t mean I actually did something “normal” and “neighborly” and introduce myself. I chose to semi-stalk her. I would drive by and notice if her vehicle was there and hope for an actual Nurse Ratched sighting. Not that I would know what she would look like in street clothes, I guess in my twisted little mind she hung out around the hood in the white uniform.

Very recently (last bout) I got up the nerve to introduce my lame-ass self to my famous neighbor and was delighted to discover she was also named Heather. (I swear the COOLEST girls ever are named Heather!) I had the pleasure of hanging out with her recently and between derby decorating ideas, I got a chance to get to know her for real.

The first burning question in my mind was if she was really a nurse? Well, no, but she does work in the medical field as an ER Tech so she sees all sorts of fabulous goo, guts and gore. As a complete medical blog junkie, I was thrilled to find this out and begged for a juicy ER story. I won’t EVEN attempt to retell it but will say it involved catheterization and bodily fluids that didn’t belong to the body in question. EWWWWW!! I was in creepy-medical-story heaven!

We also talked about music. Holy crap! I was completely agog at her summer schedule!
The girl does some traveling! Heather is a major music supporter, “girl and guitar” being her genre of choice. She opened my ears up to some great music I had been missing out on. Brandi Carlile and Adele are definitely finding their way onto my iTunes now.

Another fascinating feature (I had a hard time not staring) is her gorgeous tattoo of Saint Benedict. I thought it was Saint Francis, but no Saint Benedict, patron saint of a happy death. I have a bit of an odd obsession with saints. It is an odd obsession because I am not catholic, not religious at all. I am just fascinated by the lives and histories of the saints, so this tattoo was particularly fascinating to me. I really wanted to ask more questions about it, but it seemed too forward for a first “date.” I looked him up though and he is also the patron saint of kidney disease, nettle rash, school children and spelunkers.

We talked about my car and her Vesper, the Silver Bullet. She did a cross-country trip on it. Literally coast to coast, Pacific City, OR to Coney Island, NY. We talked about my kid and my husband. We talked about the neighbor’s barky damn dogs and the traffic noise on Woodstock. We laughed about aging hipsters at punk-rock-come-back-shows (OMG I am one of those aging hipsters! SIGH!) It was an evening spent hanging out with a kindred spirit.

Sadly Nurse Ratched and I will not be neighbors for much longer, she is leaving Felony Flats for another hood. At least we will always have the Ice Box.


The Coroner said...

Nurse Ratched is an inspiration. I trust her fully to tell me what to do when I'm in the Ice Box.

Ringer said...

We love you Nurse Ratched, thank you for leading our fans all the way to the championship 3 amazing years in a row!

Mercgirl said...

We have many treats and surprises in store for good little cadavers on the 9th. We must all obey her orders!