Vicious bout

The Cherry City Derby Girls brought their "A”" game last night in a bout where they faced off against a mixed roster of High Rollers and Guns 'n Rollers newbies (called the Rolling Stoners). I expected stiff competition from Cherry City, but I wasn't expecting them to perform as well as they did. The first jam started off with Rose City veteran Edie Disorder getting a good block in for Cherry City and preventing Texine from getting lead jammer status. Cherry City obtained lead jammer and started the bout off with a 4-0 lead. They would hold the point lead for the rest of the bout. Defense was tight from both teams, and this was a low scoring bout. Texine, Napolian Blownapart, Kickassedy, and Havanna Good Time jammed for the Rolling Stoners, but had a tough time breaking through Cherry City's defense. At halftime the score was only 27 – 38 Cherry City.

Squid Vicious put in an amazing performance as Cherry City's star jammer for the evening. She definitely gets my nod for MVP. There were only a few high scoring jams last night. Most of the points were picked up little by little. But pouring through my notes, I notice that Squid Vicious scored the lion's share of Cherry City's points. She saw quite a bit of jammer time in the first half, and even more in the second half. In one of the rare high scoring jams of the evening (jam #30) Squid Vicious picked up 14 points to boost Cherry City to a 62 to 27 lead. Then Cherry City sent in Vavoom Vavette to pick up another 14 points in jam #31. Cherry City’s Curry Fury, Sybil Riots, and Skate Oddity also did an amazing job of jamming last night, and the second half saw Cherry City’s point lead steadily increase. After some minor confusion over the clock during the final jam, Cherry City stood victorious with a final score of 52 Rolling Stoners, 130 Cherry City.

So there you have it, RCR fans – your log awaited derby fix after the "dry spell". Tonight we see the new Heathers in action as they join the Breakneck Betties in a mixed roster bout against the Southern Oregon Roller Girls, followed by our champion High Rollers vs. Eugene’s Andromedolls. Also, there will be a special dedication to Bunny Lepowski. It all starts at 6:00 PM (doors open at 5:00 PM), so don’t be late!

Triple Header Weekend

Ah, I love it when there are two derby days in a row. After too long of a break from derby action, RCR fans finally have a chance to really get their fix this weekend! First off, on Friday we have the Rolling Stoners (mixed team of the High Rollers and the Guns 'n Rollers) vs. the Cherry City derby girls from Salem. I'm a Cherry City fan also, so it's going to be an interesting bout for me. The doors open at 7:00 PM, bout starts at 8:00 PM. So plan your pre-bout partying accordingly.

The next evening we have the Heartbreakers (mixed team of Heartless Heathers and the evil Breakneck Betties) vs. the Southern Oregon Rollergirls from Medford. This is going to be a great opportunity to get a look at our newly drafted Heathers, because the roster is heavily loaded with newbies. Then, in a second bout that evening, our champion High Rollers take on the Andromedolls from Eugene. I love the Andromedolls, and I love the High Rollers. Who am I going to root for? I don’t know! The doors open at 5:00 PM, bout starts at 6:00 PM, I'll probably be drunk by 6:15 PM.

There is also a rumor of a pick-up scrimmage at the hangar on Saturday from 11:00 AM – 2:00 PM ($5 admission). So if you're recovered from Friday’s afterparty early enough, you might want to check that out too and make it a "Quadruple Header Weekend"! See you there!

Drown Your Sorrows

Come watch the championships at Kay's and have a drink with your favorite WoJ team members this Sunday! There's nothing like drinking at noon. Like my father always said: boy, if you ain't drunk by noon, you just ain't tryin'.

Slay is B.A.D. Girl of the Month

Right over here.



Congratulations, and

Heathers Por Vida!

Giving Windy City the Full Shniz

For anyone not in the know, I'll give you the back story. On Sept. 20th, 2008, my schedule allowed me to blow off the Rose City home bout and be in Chicago where the Windy City Rollers were facing the Kansas City Roller Warriors, the WFTDA Champions at the time. They pummeled the big bruisers from Kansas City for a 155/39 win. This experience spawned three key changes in my life; I became obsessed with the All Star/National level of the sport and travelling to see more, I wrote my first derbyesque blog post and I became a WCR fan.

That being said, when you combine my personal frustrations with the current WFTDA Divisional system, with that "BAD day in SucKro", I was not a Windy fan in the crowd. In fact during the Half Time break at the AoA bout, the night before, I told Nepalm Beth & Layla F#@king Smackdown to kick some Windy @$$. "Send a message. Our Number 4 can kick your Number 1's ass."

When that first whistle blew with Rhea Deranged on the line against Shocka Conduit and I was all about "Do it!".

Okay, so that jam yielded no points and was sort of a quick "feeling things out" kind of jam, but you could see that the magic was all in the pack. So when Soulfearic Acid took the lead in the next jam against Beth Amphetamine and hit for 14/1, Wheels had their first points on the board, the lead and some positive momentum. Cadillac's next five point jam just fed that momentum and Sully's 16 point jam that followed seemed to seal the deal. WoJ was sitting with a 30/1 lead and had every lead jammer after four jams which took us to the top of the jammer rotation. Rhea popped out of the pack quickly but was not the lead jammer. JK put a sweet hit on Windy's Shocka Conduit and despite being drawn into a game of chase, the WoJ pack tied her up for over a minute before she got the lead and called the jam. Even without lead status, Rhea stuck it for five and it was 35/2 WoJ.

The WoJ's blocking is what got them through the next few point drought jams. They limited Windy's jammers to small single digit jams, but Windy was also making some blocking adjustments that hampered the success of the "Wall of Justice" and the game seemed to be speeding up. The ninth jam and top of the rotation again had Rhea facing off against Shocka, who popped through in under 30 sec but did not have lead jammer and was able to make two passes before Rhea got out. No lead jammer and after two minutes it was a 13/4 jam for Shocka bringing the score to 39/18 WoJ. The game was definitely speeding up, the blocking became Wheels in a front wall and Windy in a back wall. The next several jams were quick hit, single digits jams and WoJ changed up rotation and maintained their lead. In the 15th jam with Sully and Athena DeCrime on the line, WoJ forced a slow start to kill time for Mangles who was serving time for her low block penalty when Smacks did an awesome job drawing a back block on Athena giving Sully a powerjam. Unfortunately, Windy did an awesome job of tieing Sully up for over a minute and it was 57/20 WoJ after 15 jams.

The next jam was a 3/3 jam between Rhea and Shocka with the score 60/23. It really marked a shift in play. The packs had been getting faster, more strung out and that really plays more towards Windy's style of play. Though WoJ would fail to put up points over the next four quick jams and fail to get lead, they did limit productivity. Jackie Daniels first jam of the night against Soulfearic Acid was Windy's biggest jam of that series and she hit for five bring it to 60/38 Wheels, at the half.

Windy left that first half with momentum and certainly did a good job of shifting the style of play to their comfort zone. They were hard fought quick blast jams. They were setting up in the rear and keeping the WoJ jammers from popping through. They were driving the bout even though they were down.

The second half started with WoJ down in the pack 2x4 and Rhea on the line against Shocka, who popped through and picked up 3. Soulfearic Acid followed in rotation, WoJ starting to feel penalties and still short in the pack as Beth Amphetamine popped through, quickly taking lead jammer. Beth stuck for five before being called out for Track Cut major, leaving Acid with a powerjam and a tough Windy pack.She did manage to even things up with 5/5 jam. Cadillac brought her "We're Not Going To Take It" attitude to the next jam, which began as a powerjam and for the first time in several jams, Windy was down in the pack 4on3. With some excellent blocking Cadi popped through on her initial pass quickly and despite Windy's jammer coming out of the box she managed a second full pass and another two passes to bring it to 72/46 Wheels. Sully was up next against Jackie Daniels and again the pack numbers were not on our side. Jackie got lead and racked up 7 as Sully struggled against the Windy blockers.

Back to the top of the jammer rotation, so Rhea was on the line against Shocka. Rhea made it through for lead and Shocka took a pummeling from the WoJ pack monsters. Rhea got two clean passes before a battered Shocka even cleared the pack for a 13/0 jam and 85/53 lead for Wheels. Again penalties took their toll with 2on4 pack for Sully against Windy's Ruth Enasia. Ruth got lead and a 12/0 run for Windy, bringing them back to a 20 point differential. Over the next several jams, Shocka, Jackie and Beth would hit for points for Windy while our heroes struggled. Ten jams into the second half, Windy had eroded the lead down to 10, then 7. It was 90/83 with about 12 minutes on the clock.

Rhea took the line against Jackie Daniels with a 2on4 pack. Windy elects to drop knee start for a no pack whistle. (STUPID is the note I have written down). Despite some monster Mobi blocking, Jackie made it through but with out lead jammer, only to then back block and hit the box. Rhea was finally through as Windy skated quicker and quicker, finally racking up three points. Soulfearic then faced Shocka, with a full compliment of blockers for both teams. Shocka came up quick on the Wall of Justice in the front as Acid struggled with the Windy back wall. That darned Smacks had this great push out block on Shocka which somehow became a major low block for Shocka. WoJ Powerjam! After Acid's first five points, Smacks got a Windy goat, turned around and did that things she does so well. Despite Shocka reentering the pack, Acid had maxed the powerjam out for a 19/0 jam. Wheels had regained a more commanding 112/83 lead.

Blood made her first jammer appearance next against Beth Amphetamine with a scant 2on2 pack and with a 15 second pop out time, she took lead jammer for our Wheels as Beth was called to the box and yes, Powerjam! With the 2on2 pack and a patient, calculating Blood Clottia with the star, she took her time to take Windy apart.

As blockers came out of the box, eventually WoJ had trapped a Windy blocker, stopping the pack long enough for even Chuck Norris or his superior to swallow these bitter words "That is why it is perplexing to me that a team of such seemingly inteligent (sic) and talented skaters would resort to such a demeaning tactic in order to win.". Mmm, a PiG never forgets.

Blood had gained 15 points and it was 127/83 Wheels of Justice with 2:30 left in the game. At this point, I had seen nothing from Windy that would over come that point gap with that kind of time. The next jam yielded 2 for Windy followed by a quick 0/0 jam. Now in last jam with Rhea and Shocka on the line. They would get a 4/4 jam bring it to 131/89 Wheels of Justice. (Until the point correction anyway...)

So there you go kids, our last big bout of the season.Not a perfect ending but the best we could hope for given the parameters. There is no shame in being 4th the Western division and though I will miss seeing my purple pals in Chicago this year, I can't think of a more fitting season ender. Not to sounds like my Cubs Fan friends, but there is always next year. Next year might just be the perfect storm, you can pitch in to help Rose City get a nice fresh track and who knows, maybe WooF ta-Duh will let us host Regionals.

If you can't wait, you can always check out Sicktown this weekend as they host Cherry City .

Viagrra’s Last Stand

Last night the Axles of Annihilation took on the Slaughter County Roller Vixens in a hard fought bout. I was glad to be in attendance not only because it turned out to be a great bout, but it was also Viagrra Falls’ last time skating for RCR. She is one of the stalwarts of the league and will be sorely missed!

The first jam saw Minstrel Psycho get lead jammer status and three points, but Slaughter County’s jammer managed to slip through and even the score 3 to 3 right off the bat. By jam #3 Slaughter County had a 12 to 3 point lead. Minstrel Psycho, Twat Rocket, and Viagrra did a tight job of jamming, and by jam #9 the Axles saw their first point lead of the bout. That lead changed three jams later when Minstrel Psycho was sent to the penalty box, giving Slaughter County a power jam and a one point lead. The Axles fought back by adding Texine and White Flight in the jammer rotation. At halftime the Axles held a 73 to 56 point lead.

The second half started off with some stellar jamming from Twat Rocket, Viagrra Falls, and White Flight. The sixth jam of the second half saw a power jam opportunity for Viagrra, which gave the Axles a 95 to 80 point lead. But that lead was erased in the next jam when Twat was sent to the box and On’da Sligh evened the score 95 to 95. Slaughter County’s On’da Sligh was unstoppable! I swear that she literally floats through the air to get around the pack! There were four more nail-biting lead changes, but in the end Slaughter County gave the Axles their first defeat of the year with a final score of Slaughter County 137 to Axles 126.

All in all, it was a good, clean bout with few timeouts, good reffing, and not many skaters in the penalty box. In the end, we may have lost the bout, but we won the after party! (and the after-after party…ouch my head is still pounding!)

Tonight we have the Wheels of Justice taking on Windy City at 6:00 PM. Doors open at 5:00 PM, so get there early to get your seat. Just make sure you save JeLLyPiG a seat with a clear view of the track because I love reading his Windy City bout recaps!

Viaggra Falls Rolls On

Viaggra Falls has announced she's leaving roller derby. She will be ending a great career with Friday's match-up between the Axles of Annihilation and the Slaughter County Roller Vixens.

"It's kinda surreal, I'm trying not to think 'omg! what am I gonna do besides Derby!' (ok maybe I'm thinking that ;-}) I will be still sticking around to help coach or run practices for the Heathers, may even help out Freshies or Wreckers," she wrote in a message this morning.

"I am looking forward to having some time surfing more before it gets really crappy, snowboarding, hanging with my pets, my 'other friends' (Im surprised they are still around ;-}). Oh, and my friend has been trying to get me into motocross (we will see how that goes).

I am starting off my 'retirement' and traveling for a month starting in December into January. Going to Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam! So excited!"

A Heather since 2006, Viaggra developed into a prized jammer as well as a stalwart in the pack and a great derby personality, both on the Heathers and with the Axles. Last year she spoke about her derby history and other aspects of her life in this CI profile.

I cop to being a bit choked up typing this. As mentioned in last year's profile, Viaggra Falls was the first person I ever associated with Portland roller derby, and I have long considered her an iconic Heather. I salute her and reiterate that I will miss seeing her on the track.

Heathers Por Vida!

The Docket

photo by Jules Doyle

That rag-tag, mix 'n' match, tough-as-nails crew of roving rollers the Axles of Annihilation face off against Bremerton's Slaugter County Roller Vixens at the Oaks Hangar, Friday October 15, 8 pm (doors at 7).

Buy yourself some tickets. Take your daughter to the slaughter.

The very next night, Saturday October 16 at 6 pm (doors at 5), Portland's Wheels of Justice face WFTDA North Central Region champs the Windy City Rollers. Flippin' epic. They're selling tickets for that, too. Get some.

Speaking of tickets, 2011 Season Tickets go on sale November 1. When that happens, it will happen here.

As always, the RCR Newsletter is excellent. Investigate it soon. Lots going on.

Cheerio.

New Heathers, Old Heathers, Whiskers on Kittens

The Heathers scored in last night's RCR draft, pulling Uff-da and Shame Girl from Fresh Meat as well as ex-High Roller/WOJer White Flight and Heathers returnee Teqkillya (maybe this is the year we all agree on how to spell her name).

2011 is going to be another great year to be a Cadaver!




Heathers Por Vida!

Lucky number 13

My heart was in my throat during this entire bout. Oly is such a strong team, and they have been known to win by hundreds of points, so I was expecting a hard fight. What I wasn’t expecting was to see our Wheels perform so well against them! Oly started out to a strong lead, but in the 13th jam Sully Skullkicker obtained lead jammer status and had an amazing 29 point jam that gave the Wheels a 46 to 36 lead! The crowd went wild! Oly fought back hard, and our Wheels made them work for their 13 point lead that Oly held going into halftime.

Wheels kept the pressure on Oly during the second half. Rhea, Sully, Scratcher, and SoulFearic Acid worked hard to break through the Oly defense. The crowd was definitely on Rose City’s side. I’ve never seen or heard such a raucous fan section ever! (and I’ve seen, and been a part of, some really raucous fan groups) In the end, Oly had more points on the board than the Wheels did, but those numbers don’t even begn to tell the whole story. The fact that we did so damn well was enough to make this a victory in my book. Tomorrow we advance to play Bay Area. If we win that one, we go to the championships in Chicago!

Hopefully nobody dumped booze on JeLLyPiG’s notes this time, because I would really love to hear his take on this amazing bout!

Rollin' on the River

Our Wheels were Rollin' on the River this afternoon! In an exciting bout this afternoon, the Wheels of Justice advanced to the next bracket with a 122 to 104 win! The Wheels looked solid from the start. Scratcher, Rhea, Soulfearic Acid, and Caddi all did an awesome job of jamming and breaking through Rat City's defense. Smack Ya had a great block in jam 3 that helped Soulfearic Acid to an amazing 15 point jam that really put us in the lead. In the following jam, Scratcher gained 7 points. It just kept getting better and better. At halftime, RCR was ahead 68 to 27!

Rat City managed to stage a small comeback late in the second half, and they saw lead jammer status a few more times than they did during the first half. They chipped away at WOJ's lead, but it was too little too late. When the final whistle blew, it was 122 to 104! WOJ advances to play Oly tomorrow at 2:00 PM. That's about all I have time to post right now. I need to get back to the venue and catch the Oly vs. Tucson bout. JeLLyPiG is present, so maybe we can coax a more thorough bout recap from him at some future point.

Go Wheels!

Goodie Two Skates moves on...

It is with great sadness that I report that Goodie Two Skates has announced her retirement from RCR. Bringing about a third blow this month to seasoned Heathers fans, Goodie has accepted a job in Seattle and will be moving there (and the derby rumor on the street is that she'll be playing for Rat City, so she won't be totally gone from the world of derby). Oh, what words can I say about all of this? So many memories! Goodie was one of the personalities that originally drew me to roller derby. Her love of the sport, and her efforts to teach others about it, has always added to her list of attributes that defines her as a great resource for RCR. Good luck to you in Seattle, Goodie. You will be sorely missed.

Heathers Por Vida

People come and go. And forget to close the door, And leave their stains and cigarette butts trampled on the floor...

This here article implies that Ringer is gone from the Heathers for good, on to coaching Sick Town to get her derby ya-yas out. We salute her and revere her. Thanks for the great years, the speed, the championships, the leadership, the innovative tactics and strategies, the 35-point jams, the blood and guts.

On the flipside, via Facebook, we learn that TeqKillYa skates again. We're not sure if she's Fresh Meat yet, but we're told that there are drafts in October and December. If Boethius' Fortuna smiles upon us, TeqKillYa may again one day be a Heather.

Scratcher retires from the Heathers

Via Facebook, we have learned that Scratcher in the Eye retired from the Heartless Heathers last night, bringing to a close an amazing career. Given her performance last year, it's impossible to pretend that her exit won't be somewhat of a blow to the Heathers' 2011 prospects (though knowing our Heathers, their No Heather Left Behind tradition, and their depth of talent, we're not getting all super-pouty just yet).

Fortunately for us all, Scratch will be continuing with the Wheels of Justice.

We had the pleasure of interviewing this formidable athlete a couple years back, and are enjoying revisiting that discussion and remembering her time as a Heartless Heather.

Thanks for the memories, Scratcher!

In far less earth-shattering retirement news, The Coroner has come out of retirement and is delighted to be sharing space with George and JeLLyPiG.

Another GREAT Derby Daze under our belt!

I am still reeling from the great time that I had this year at Derby Daze! I did not fall once during the Friday night Jam Skate!!! That’s a personal best for me! But I guess I’m here to talk about the bouts, not about my personal achievements, so on to the recaps...

The first bout of the night featured the Lava City Roller Dolls vs. the Atomic City Rollergirls. Having only seen either of these teams play a handful of times, I had no idea what to expect going into this bout. It turned out to be a pretty exciting bout with a number of lead changes. Atomic City started off strong in jam #1 with a 15 – 0 lead. Sukie Smackhouse then grabbed another seven points for Atomic City in jam #2, but two jams later Lava City was making a comeback. The first lead change of the bout came in jam #13 when Dame Deviant managed to gain a one point lead for Lava City. They managed to increase that lead, and went into halftime with a 68 to 52 point advantage over Atomic City.

In jam #23, Atomic City staged a comeback during a power jam situation, coming to within one point of tying the game. They gained the lead during the following jam and held that lead for seven more jams, until Screamin’ Meanie had a power jam for Lava City and again brought the game to within one point of being tied. Dame Deviant got lead jammer and three points in the following jam to gain the lead once again for Lava City. Jam #29 saw the final lead change of the night, which was in favor of Atomic City. There were a lot of timeouts in this bout. More timeouts than a Rainy City bout, believe it or not! That only served to heighten the suspense of this match-up. In the end, Atomic City managed to pull ahead to see a 131 to 100 victory over Lava City.

On to the second bout of the evening…

I’d like to take a moment here to send out a special, albeit sarcastic, thanks to Texine for aiding greatly in getting me cut off from buying alcohol before the start of the second bout, thereby causing me to go the entire bout with no booze. As I was bellying up to the bar before the bout to purchase yet another glass of that Barefoot Vineyard pinot grigio, she skated between me and the bar. I wished her good luck in the bout, and her reply of “man, you look WASTED!” didn’t register too well with the bartender. Add to that the fact that I was seated next to Harmacist, which renders guilt by association, and BAM - no more alcohol for George! Just like that. Really, I wasn’t that wasted! But I digress…

The main featured bout of the night was our Axels of Annihilation vs. Derby Revolution of Bakersfield. I didn’t know too much about Bakersfield, so I was curious to see how this bout was going to turn out and didn’t know what to expect. Jam #1 saw Minstrel Psycho pitted against Ima Blowbya at the jammer line, and also a major penalty by Texine (which I racked up to karma over her getting me cut off from alcohol). The first couple of jams saw a 10 – 0 lead for Bakersfeild, but in jam #4 Viagrrra Falls gave us our lead. That lead would not be compromised for the rest of the evening. Minstrel Psycho and Viagrrra were on fire for our first half! Joyride was amazing and seemed at ease with the fast paced pack that was indicative of this bout. At halftime, AoA had a strong led of 92 to 26.

The second half saw Deva Destruxion, Frisky Sour, and Twat Rocket start off strong. They added immensely to our already hefty point lead. Viagrrra was still on fire in the second half and adding to our point tally also!

Puke on the Flat Track!

Then, in jam #34 I saw something that I haven’t seen since Houston 2008. Derby Revolution’s Tonka Toy took a hit, doubled over, and puked on the flat track! This was a real crowd pleaser, to say the least. Not only did this garnish a collective “oooooooooh” from the crowd, but it served as a conversation topic for the remainder of Derby Daze. It was amazing, and I am advocating Tonka Toy as MVP of this bout based solely upon this incident. After the clean-up, we were just two more jams away from our 186 to 53 AoA victory.


I was lucky enough to get a post-bout comment from Texine regarding the performance of her team. This is what she had to say:

I am immensely proud of the way our team played last night. The majority of us have only been skating together for the last month or two, and finding cohesion with a new group of skaters can be really hard. Last night we came out with our game faces on, ready to have fun, and build on ourselves as a well-oiled machine. I thought it was beautiful how our skaters built and held walls, held the inside line, and were able to adapt strategically to whatever was happening on the track. Next weekend is a two-day tournament in Boise, ID called the Spudtown Knockdown, and our bout last night gave us the confidence to move forward and we have every intention of owning the track from here on out. F'n A, AoA!

So there you have it folks, another great Derby Daze under our belt. I don’t know about you, but I need a vacation to recover!!!

Derby Daze are here again!

I love Derby Daze! Plain and simple. It was during the very first Derby Daze where my lovely derby wife, Kanna, and I first decided to become derby husband and derby wife. So it holds a special place in my derby heart. Every year the event gets bigger and better, and this year is no exception. I enjoy hanging out and watching the scrimmages, riding the rides at Oaks Park, attending the Friday night jam skate, and of course the bouts!

This year we are treated to a Saturday night double header featuring Atomic City vs. Lava City, and our very own Axles of Annihilation vs. Derby Revolution (hailing from Bakersfield, CA). I sat down with Texine, new captain of AoA, for a brief pre-bout interview. This is what she had to say:

George: Tell me about some of the new faces that you have on AoA, and who we should be watching for.

Texine: Our roster currently has a great mix of new and old AoA team members. Some of our newer members are Bella Massacre, Deva Destrruxion, Frisky Sour, Joyride, Push La Tush, Skintastic, Slim Sheety, and The Blast Unicorn. As far as the new outstanding talent goes, watch out for Deva and The Blast Unicorn. All of the new members are great though! We’ve been practicing all summer and we’re looking really good! Of course, the AoA stalwarts are still here and going strong. We have Butcher Block, Goodie Two Skates, Minstrel Psycho, Twat Rocket, Viagrrra Falls, and myself rounding out the roster for this Saturday. We also have Speed Bump and Frenchie coaching for us!

George: What do you know about your competition, Derby Revolution?

Texine: Well, they’ve been a WFTDA apprentice league since last December. Being an apprentice league, they haven’t had the opportunity to be ranked at our level, hence it’s difficult to size them up based upon their rankings. They formed back in 2006, so they’ve been skating for a few years now. They didn’t have the best showing at the Battle for the Coast this past year. They lost to OC 89 to 51, and lost to San Diego 114 to 2.

George: So during the Hometown Throwdown, AoA was serving up some fine food. Will we be treated to some of the same delicious grub this weekend too?

Texine: Of course! Heidi Go Seek is making up another batch of her delicious pulled pork for pulled pork sandwiches, and I’ll be baking up another batch of my famous cookies! So bring your appetite. Remember, all of the proceeds go to help AoA, so don’t forget to grab a sandwich or cookie (or two) for a good cause! See you on Saturday!

So there you have it, derby fans. An action-packed fun-filled derby weekend right here in our hometown. It all kicks off with a Friday night opening barbecue at Oaks Park at 6:00 PM, so don’t be late. The open scrimmages start at 1:30 PM on Saturday and at noon on Sunday. The doors open at 5:00PM Saturday for the 6:00 PM double header bouts. A more detailed look at the weekend’s schedule can be found here. See you at the Friday night jam skate! (And don't laugh too hard at my skating ability…I'm no Dancing Scott by any means!)

All Down and Derby

Though I should be editing my very tardy Hometown Throwdown Day 3 post, I did want to get this little info nugget up on the blog. This Thursday at Powell’s there is a reading and book sign by Jennifer “Kasey Bomber” Barbee and Alex “Axles of Evil” Cohen, L.A. Derby Dolls and authors of the latest modern roller derby book Down and Derby: The Insiders Guide to Roller Derby.

It was a late add to my vacation reading list and I have to admit I really enjoyed it. It provides some great history of the sport from its conception to the second coming. The reader gets a complete glimpse at the process of becoming a skater, the complexity of league politics, along with insights into the birth of the new traditions and some great profiles.

As one of the Heartless Heathers Hardcore my favourite quote from the book, in the section about the pitfalls of announcing, was:

There is a huge potential to get things wrong. You might say “That was a fantastic block by Viagra Falls”, when it was in fact Ruby Bruiseday who made the hit.

Funny to me because I can remember confusing Via with Ginger Binger during the heat of battle…back in the day and shit.

If the travel gods treat me right I should be home for this event but encourage you to go check it out for yourself.

Thrown down in the Hometown Day 2

Saturday was the second coming of that magical day I call Double Derby Day. It was an epic day of human endurance. A day when two of my passions in life merge to spawn the question, "How drunk was he? Was he Derby Drunk?".  I spent the first part of my day soaking up the sun, many beers and the fantastic jackass-ery that is the PDX Soapbox Derby, followed by a full evening of Roller Derby action.

Of course the recap would have to begin with...

When my cab pulled up to the Hangar, I was loaded for a full evening of All Star Roller Derby.

First up was B.A.D. vs Rat City. After the Friday bouts and my recollections of the Wild West Showdown, I sort of thought I had a good idea of how this would play out. I was of course wrong and treated to my favourite bout of the weekend.

B.A.D. jumped to a quick 3-0 lead on the back of an Astronaughty jam. Much to my surprise B.A.D. would prove they had the juice to carry and build on that lead through the first half. With the B.A.D. Pack Monsters in full effect, they were able to hold the Rats scoreless through a five jam run. After giving up 8 points, then 4, B.A.D. shut Rat down again for six jams building their lead to 63-14 after 16 jams. It was awesome! When I wasn't being mesmerized by Demanda Riot, I was being impressed by the play of Windingo Jones, Aunti Christ and Velveteen Savage of B.A.D.

Rat found a boost in their focus after Carmen Getsome hit for 14 during a Power Jam in the 17th jam, despite starting with a two on four pack situation. That was followed by a 10 point Primp Daddy jam which brought it to 63-38 Seattle. A scoreless jam brought us to half time with B.A.D. riding a 25 point lead.

I expected B.A.D. to run out of gas. I thought the Rats would come back with a fierce second half game plan. It took Rat three jams and some more Carmen Getsome magic to really gain any traction against B.A.D.  After four jams into the second half the score was 77 B.A.D./ Rat City 55. Little gains for both teams over the next few jams led to a monster Rat jam for 25 points. It was now 88-83 Rat. My cellphone was blowing up and I failed to note who the hell had the big jam. B.A.D. didn't let the Rats keep the lead for long, taking a 96-88 lead in the next jam. Four more jams and one goat later Rat was up again with a 102-99 lead.

Without any time outs left to calm the team, B.A.D. managed to came back with a quick five points as Demanda drew Carmen Getsome into a major back block for some Power Jam time. It was beautiful. After a scoreless jam, B.A.D. hits again for four and the 108-102 lead. Rat called for a time out, formed a plan, executed and added five to the board. Two fierce scoreless jams later we had our final,108-107. B.A.D. had picked up a hellarad one point win.

I was psyched and felt like the night was full of possibilities. And again, I was...

We all knew Gotham was going to be a tough bout. After the Rose City loss to Rat the night before, I expected to see a single minded, unified WoJ defend their home track like never before. When Bonnie Thunders faced Rhea and racked up a 7-0 lead for Gotham in the first jam, I was convinced that WoJ would overcome. The next jam Sully put the first WoJ point on the board after squeaking out past Suzy Hot Rod for the lead jammer. Two jams later Rhea would hit big against Hyper Lynx and WoJ was only down by two, bringing it to 13-15. Gotham held WoJ for the next few jams until Rhea hit again for four, but the Bonnie Thunders/Suzy Hotrod jammer rotation had left us with a 17-52 point differential.

For the next six jams, Gotham showed what great pack play, tight defense, coordinated transition strategies paired with creative jammers can do. Racking points and holding off our jammers, Gotham stretched the point margin to 72. It was 17-89, Gotham at the half.

I had to abandon my clipboard for the second half. I could no longer just sit and watch this bout. So from the Beer Garden, peering through the crowd and enjoying the summer breeze tainted with the lofting scent of the Honey Buckets, I watched the second half play out.

It was fast paced, hard hitting and Gotham looked like they were digging it. Want to play the slow game? They could play that too. Not to diminish the abilities of our hometown heroes, but Gotham seemed to have an answer to anything WoJ would throw at them. Though the Wheels would find more offense in the second half, so would Gotham, ultimately building their margin of victory to 127 points. The 190-67 loss to Gotham should serve as another wake up call to our ladies in purple. Hopefully they see some of their short comings, the things that must change and the corrections required before we get to Sacramento in October.

All I could do was call for a ride home and wonder what day 3 of the Hometown Throwdown had in store for me and my hometown heroes.

Some love for the Super fan!

Before I get cracking on a Hometown Throwdown post, I wanted to take a moment and give a Happy Birthday shout out to our very own...Handsome George! You are one of my favorite Roller Derby characters and I wish you the Happiest of Birthdays! (And no, I am not giving you my Mobi jersey as a present!)

Friday the 13th

Ah, the first night of Hometown Throwdown. Now, I am not a superstitious man by any means, but it does give me a reason to pause for thought when a bout takes place on infamous Friday the 13th. But there are few things in this world that I enjoy more than weekend full of roller derby, especially when it involves a bunch of top-ranked teams and it takes place right here in Portland!

The first bout of the evening featured Bay Area vs. Gotham. This was a fast paced game that saw quite a few more penalties from Bay Area than from Gotham. Gotham pulled away early in jam #9 when Suzy Hotrod gave Gotham a nine point lead. The lead kept growing, and Bay Area never recovered after that. Suzy Hotrod definitely deserves MVP for her jamming performance. At halftime Gotham was leading 63 to 46. The second half saw more great performances from Suzy Hotrod and Bonnie Thunders, and by jam #21 Gotham had a 53 point lead. Bay Area’s Astronaughty put in a great effort at jamming, and she staged a minor comeback late in the game, but in the end it didn’t do much to save them from a 189 to 58 point loss at the hands of Gotham.

The second bout of the evening featured our Wheels of Justice versus Rat City. I went to the hangar last night quite complacent and fully expecting an easy Wheels victory. I was not prepared to see Rat City play so well. As early as jam #12 it was clear that I had a reason to be concerned. Primp Daddy had a nine point jam to give Rat City a 41 to 33 point lead over the Wheels. The following jam saw Ann R. Kissed pull out another nine points for Rat, and the lead kept growing from there. Rat City wasn’t only on top of their jamming game, they showed some stellar defense also. At halftime, they stood with a 77 to 34 point lead over our Wheels of Justice.

The second half saw that point gap grow even further. Rhea DeRange, Soulfearic Acid, and Scratcher in the Eye (who broke a plate on one of her skates!...Friday the 13th again?), put in valiant jamming efforts, but in the end Rat City’s defense combined with our penalty box time prevented any serious comeback by the Wheels. The last three jams of the night saw the Wheels gain more points than any other stretch of the bout, but it was too little too late, and Rat City stood with a 155 to 111 point victory when the final whistle blew. I can’t help but think that if the bout lasted another ten minutes or so, that we could have pulled out a victory. It seemed like we were really starting to make some headway, but the clock was against us at that point.

Tonight on the lineup we have Bay Area vs. Rat City, and Gotham vs. our Wheels of Justice. The doors open at 5:00 PM, but unfortunately I won’t be able to be there due to a prior engagement. So I’m a hopin’ and a prayin’ that JeLLyPiG will give us a Saturday and Sunday bout recap and tell me what I missed!

Hometown Throwdown

Time to wake up from your summer slumber, derby fans! Because just in time to save us from this recent lull in derby action, we have the Hometown Throwdown, and it's shaping up to be one hell of a weekend! Four great teams over three action-packed days. On Friday the thirteenth we have Bay Area vs. Gotham, followed by our Wheels of Justice vs. Rat City. The following evening, Saturday August 14th, Bay Area takes on Rat City, followed by our Wheels of Justice vs. Gotham. Finishing up the weekend on Sunday we have Gotham vs. Rat City, followed by our Wheels of Justice vs. Bay Area. This is going to be one amazing weekend of derby at the hangar!

Sadly, I have to miss the Saturday night bouts, due to a conflicting engagement. So I'm hoping that JeLLyPiG is in attendance that evening and he gets the urge to give us a bout recap. I want to also take a moment to say that 5 seasons ago when I started following RCR, I only dared to dream of seeing a tournament with teams of this caliber playing at the little ol' hangar. I continue to be impressed with how far the league has come in a few relatively quick years, and I think that we as fans are lucky as hell to have derby of this quality in an awesome venue like the hangar!

So get your tickets if you don’t already have them (because they're almost sold out!), and get ready for some great derby action!

What's Your Weapon of Choice?

Hey Derby Kids! Both "the League" and our Heartless lovelies are doing a Fan Favourite survey. Votes for both contests need to be in by Friday 7/30 @ Midnight with Winners to be announced on Saturday.

 Cast you votes today!
Heartless Heathers

Rose City Rollers 

If you haven't checked out the FUNd raising activities scheduled for this weekend, hit the RCR site to learn all about Skate O'thon and the WoJ WaSH too!

Roller Rama this weekend!

Does this recent summer lull in derby activity have you feeling down, like me? Tired of watching hours and hours of archived bout footage on-line just to try and fill the void? Well, head on down to Salem this weekend and get your derby fix! Cherry City is hosting Roller Rama this Saturday. It’s a roller derby event where Cherry City is introducing their four new home teams (the Dolls of Anarchy, the Panty Raiders, the Rydell Belles, and the Thrill Kill Kittens), and it sounds like it’s going to be a blast!

I sat down with Edie Disorder, captain of the Thrill Kill Kittens, and asked her a few questions about this weekend’s bout. Here is what she had to say.

George: What is the format of the bout going to be like? Are all four teams going to play against each other?

Edie Disorder: It’s going to be one regulation bout. We’re combining the Thrill Kill Kittens and the Panty Raiders into one team, and playing against a combined team of the Rydell Belles and the Dolls of Anarchy.

George: Are the teams pretty evenly matched, or are there any noticeable strengths/weaknesses that either team has?

Edie Disorder: We’re pretty evenly matched. A generalization would be to say that the Thrill Kill Kittens and the Panty Raiders are jammer-heavy, and the Rydell Belles and the Dolls of Anarchy are somewhat blocker-heavy, but that’s just a generalization. We’re on a pretty even playing field skill-wise, I would say. The league has its share of experienced hockey players and speed skaters, as well as girls with not that much experience. It’s a diverse group.

George: Will we see any familiar faces from RCR at this bout?

Edie Disorder: Butcher Block and Smack Ya Sideways will be coaching the combined team of the Rydell Belles and the Dolls of Anarchy, and Viagrrra Falls and Skatie Kat will be coaching the combined team of the Thrill Kill Kittens and the Panty Raiders.


So there you have it derby fans – a place to get your derby fix this weekend! I always enjoy going to Cherry City bouts. The venue at the fairgrounds is great, and they have a GIANT screen with instant replays. It’s awesome. I catch myself staring at the screen more than the live action sometimes. It spoiled me, and now I want instant replays at every roller derby bout! Also, this weekend there will be a classic car show going on right outside of the bout, so that’s even more of an incentive to make the journey down to Cherry City and get your summertime derby fix. I’ll see you there!

Entering our "Terrible Twos"

I couldn't allow the day to pass without reminding everyone that today marks the second anniversary of the birth of this here blog. It's hard for me to believe it's only been two years. Rummaging through the old posts, I am amazed at some of the great content I had forgotten about and amused by some of the stupid sh!t I have said over the last two years.

Speaking of stupid sh!t...DNN Power Rankings for July were announced yesterday. It appears the Easties have elected to bump Philly up three spots, past two teams they lost to earlier this year. Philly's win over Denver came with a cost in position to both Rose City and the Ratz. A bitterly ironic move given the fact that our WoJ-ster's had beaten Philly, AGAIN in a scrimmage at ECE a week before the rankings . Needless to say, controversy out West followed quickly.

As a rule, I like the concept of the Power Rankings and what the charm-ing "East Coast Focused" folks at DNN have been trying to bring to the sport. From their very beginnings they have attempted to elevate awareness and activity around the sport. They have also not given much press to the West. When I said in one my previous posts that we were "blessed" with DNN coverage at the Wild West Showdown...I was being a passive aggressive d!ck.

Though I am a financial contributor, an avid reader and a lover of the online derby bouts on DNN, I'm also a realist. They have taken on a big job, trying to cover a sport with 555 registered leagues Worldwide with no major budget and a handful of people. In the olden days, if we wanted West Coast news, we turned to Elwood's blog. Hell even the folks at DNN turned to Elwood's blog until they burned that bridge.

I realize that they're stirring the pot a bit, which drives site traffic for them and feeds their sustainability. Frankly, their rankings are only good for water cooler chat and flame wars. All that really matters is getting into Regionals and being one of the Top 3 when that tourney ends...which is a tougher task if you play in the Best Division or as WFTDA calls us, the West Division.

Hopefully this "Dis" from the mighty DNN will help motivate, focus and drive our ladies in Purple. They have some big bouts ahead of them. The Hometown Throwdown in August with BADg, Rat and Gotham followed by Regionals in October.

As that unfolds, hopefully our boy George will treat us to some more of his awesome updates like he did at ECE.

Saving the best for last

I witnessed a lot of great bouts this weekend, but the final bout of the weekend was far and away the most exciting. Forget the fact that I live and breathe Rose City roller derby. Forget the fact I’ve been building up this bout in my mind all weekend. Forget the fact that I believe that all Rose City bouts are monumental. Putting all that aside, this stands out as one amazing bout to end a weekend of amazing bouts.

The first half was rough for a Wheels fan to watch. There were stretches of 5 jams or more where the Wheels didn’t score a single point. I was doing the text boutcast for DNN, and was overwhelmed with trying to type updates, respond to people’s comments, drink the boxed wine that was provided by DNN, and keep up with the bout. That’s way too much multi-tasking for George. Nine minutes into the first half, Boston was starting to pull away, and I was starting to get nervous. This bout was another one that had fast-paced packs, like so many other bouts that I saw this weekend. Eighteen minutes into the bout, Wheels made a small comeback and I started to feel a little more at ease. But that soon proved to be a short-lived comeback. Boston killed a couple of our power jams with excellent blocking, and then took advantage of some of our time in the penalty box. By halftime, the Wheels were down 53 to 23.

The second half proved to be even more of a nail-biter. A couple of Cadillac jams and the Wheels were back to within striking distance of Boston’s lead. Add a few jams by Scratcher and Wreck, toss in some great blocking from Mick, Mobi, and Smack Ya, and top it off with some great pivot work by Blood Clottia and Rhea, and the Wheels were within 15 points of Boston’s lead. At this point, Scratcher decided that she had enough of this goofing around and went out there and put us to within 6 points of Boston’s lead. That set up Soulfearic Acid to pull in some points and cause a lead change in the score. Boston never regained their lead after that. All it took was a power jam by the amazing Wreck Deckard to put the final nail in Boston’s coffin. Shortly thereafter, the Wheels were skating a victory lap with an 86 to 61 point win.

They managed to come back from a 30 point halftime deficit and win this one in a BIG way! What an amazing end to an amazing weekend. The Wheels of Justice truly are my superheros. I'm sad to have to leave tomorrow, and I can't wait to come back to Feasterville next year!

Go Wheels!

WOJ wins early morning scrimmage!

Now, I’m not a religious man, and I'm not the type of guy you would find in church on a Sunday morning, but what I attended this morning was definitely my version of worship. I had the privilege of sneaking into a closed scrimmage between Philly and WOJ. And when I say closed, I mean CLOSED. Besides the skaters, there were refs, a scorekeeper, a barebones crew of non-skating officials, and four fans (consisting of Draggin’ Lady, Mike Chexx, Amy, and myself).

The Wheels started off slowly and looking groggy (it was, after all, 5:00 AM Portland time). Philly had us down 10 to 1 in the first three jams. Then, in the fourth jam, it was as if Portland’s morning coffee started working, because the Wheels started to turn! Cadillac took lead jam in the fourth jam, Sully Skullkicker took lead in the fifth, Scratcher took lead in the sixth, Soulfearic Acid took lead in the seventh…you get the idea. We gained a two point lead by jam seven, and never looked back from there. The Wheels jammed Cadillac, Sully Skullkicker, Scratcher, Soulfearic Acid, Blood Clottia, Rhea DeRange, Wreck Deckard…am I forgetting anybody? Oh yeah, the jammer panty got passed to Smack Ya in the second to the last jam. By halftime, the score was Wheels 44 to Philly 29.

The pace of the pack was incredible. It was like speed skating derby. Very little of that “slow pack strategy crap” (as I refer to it as) was used in this bout. It was clear that this was a bout between two teams of highly skilled skaters. Philly’s Teflon Donna and Elle Viento scored the majority of points for Philly. There we few penalties during this scrimmage. It was overall a pretty clean bout. Thirty-two jams into the bout, the final buzzer sounded and it was Wheels 120 to Philly 88. To further the joke of only having four fans in attendance (who had to sneak in to this closed bout past a crack security team, mind you), the Wheels lined up and skated a victory lap, slapping our hands. There was almost a 5-to-1 skater-to-fan ratio. It was hilarious!

Okay, this self-imposed break is almost over. Back to the Sportsplex for more derby action! Don’t forget to tune into the live action today at 3:30 PM Portland time (6:30 PM Philly time) and catch the Wheels vs. Boston. I’ve been asked to do the live text-cast of that bout for DNN tonight, and I reluctantly accepted. So if you’re watching the live text-cast in conjunction with the streaming video, and the text part is three jams behind and everything is misspelled, then you’ll understand why. Until then keep tuning in here for more updates. Go Wheels!

“Carolina” you say? “No problem” I say!

Out of the 34 jams that made up this bout, the Wheels of Justice had lead jammer all but a handful of times. The Wheels relied heavily upon Cadillac, Honey Hellfire, Sully Skullkicker, and Soulfearic Acid as their jammers. They had no problems breaking through Carolina’s defense. I mean no problems whatsoever. Many times our jammers would be just getting into turn #2, and the lead jammer whistle would sound. To the contrary, the Carolina Roller Girls seemed unable to break through our blockers at all. Carolina’s Holly Wanna Crackya and DVS were two of the only jammers that were successful at scoring any points. When the halftime buzzer sounded, we were ahead 107 to 12 (no, that’s NOT a typo). The second half proved to be more of the same. There wasn’t a huge amount of penalties on either side. As a matter of fact, the lion’s share of the penalty box time was done by the Wheels. When the final buzzer sounded, Wheels stood victorious at 189 to 31.

Two other bouts this day stand out in my mind as being a bit closer. The D.C. Rollergirls took on the Nashville Rollergirls in a sanctioned bout this morning. This was a good matchup because both teams have a fast, agile style. The pace of the pack was incredible. The score was close the entire bout until the last seven minutes, where Nashville pulled ahead to win it 117 to 86. An even better bout than that was Tampa Bay vs. Minnesota. During that entire bout the score didn’t differ by more than a few points, and at halftime the score stood at 52 to 53 Minnesota. The last 12 minutes saw Tampa up by 17 points or so. Then, in an amazing final 1:45 left, Minnesota staged a dramatic comeback to beat Tampa 98 to 96! The crowd went wild, to say the least.

Our old friend Slaybia is here with her Bay Area team. They destroyed Rhode Island 234 to 65. In other interesting news, Gotham’s Fresh Meat (referred to their Meat Packing District) took on Jersey’s first-string all star team, and CRUSHED them! Fresh Meat beating an all star team??? How often do you see that?

I learned that tomorrow’s scrimmage against Philly is at 8:00 AM Eastern time, not at 10:00 AM as I originally heard. So I’ll be getting up extra early to make my way to the Sportsplex to catch that one, for sure. Tomorrow’s sanctioned bout against Boston takes place at 6:30 PM (that’s 3:30 PM Portland time). So tune in here to watch our Wheels take on the Boston Derby Dames live. For now, I need to get some rest because I have another exciting 13 hours of derby tomorrow!!!

How Swede it is!

The first day here in Feasterville started off with two evening bouts. The first of which was a regulation bout between Philly’s Independence Dolls and Gotham’s Wall Street Traitors. It was a close bout early on, but Philly’s defense proved to be quite strong. Philly was pulling ahead at halftime, and the score was Independence Dolls 47 to Wall Street Traitors 22. In the second half, Wall Street’s penalties were killing them, and the Independence Dolls’ defense was even stronger. Anne Frankenstein of the Wall Street Traitors put forth an amazing performance, but in the end it still wasn’t enough to save them from a 62 to 112 defeat at the hands of the Independence Dolls.

Next up was the Bout that I was anticipating to be a bit more competitive. Windy City took on Gotham in a sanctioned bout. Swede Hurt, who used to play for Rat City, is now playing for Gotham. She was no slouch when she played for Rat City, but she has really groomed her jamming skills while playing for Gotham. As a matter of fact, Gotham has a host of amazing jammers. Carmen Monoxide and Bonnie Thunders racked up the points jam after jam. But it was Swede Hurt that got the nod from me for the MVP of this bout. The halftime score of Gotham 86, Windy City 14 not only underscores Gotham’s jamming skills, but also their amazing blocking abilities. Beyonslay is back playing for Gotham, and she is blocking better than ever! Windy City’s Jackie Daniels put forth an amazing performance (especially in the second half), but in the end it didn’t save them from a 191 to 50 loss to Gotham.

Tomorrow (Saturday 6/26) the Wheels of Justice take on the Carolina Roller Girls in a sanctioned bout. Also, I learned from Rob Lobster tonight that our Wheels are going to take on Philly in a 10:00 AM scrimmage on Sunday. It’s not on the schedule, and it won’t be on any webcast, but I’ll be there reporting on it. So keep checking back here to get exclusive details on that bout! Until then, let the derby freedom ring!

East Coast Extravaganza!

Ah yes, it’s that time of year again. The championships are over and it’s time for me to start packing my bags and get ready for travel season. So it’s off to the East Coast to watch our Wheel of Justice team compete in the East Coast Extravaganza located in beautiful Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Looking at the schedule, I strongly suspect that our Wheels aren’t going to have too many problems. There are only two bouts that they are competing in this weekend. The first one takes place on Saturday night at 7:00 PM (that’s 4:00 PM Portland time) against the Carolina Roller Girls. Carolina is currently ranked 6th in the East Coast division, and fails to get a national ranking by DerbyNewsNetwork (the WFTDA no longer keeps track of national rankings, only rankings within each division). The second bout isn’t until Sunday evening at 6:30 PM (3:30 PM Portland time) against Boston. Boston is currently ranked 13th nationally, and 3rd in the East Coast division. I’m guessing that this will be the better of the two bouts to watch…but that’s just speculation on my part.

The whole thing kicks off Friday evening with a pair of bouts featuring Gotham vs. Windy City, and one of Gotham’s league teams vs. one of Philly’s league teams. Of course there will be a lot of challenge bouts to watch throughout the weekend in addition to the sanctioned and regulation bouts on the schedule. So if you can’t bring yourself to withstand the sweltering humidity of Philadelphia, then you can watch the whole weekend live right here from the comfort of your own air conditioned home. As for me, I’ll be suffering the heat and humidity to bring you updates, bout recaps, and interviews from the City of Brotherly Love. My writing won’t be as eloquent as that of JeLLyPiG or the Coroner, but whose is?

So keep checking back here throughout the weekend for more updates. Go Wheels!!!

It's Just How We Roll

I'm still trying to decide whether I had the "Best Birthday" or the "Best Birthday Ever!". It was one hell of a derby weekend and the Semi's certainly didn't disappoint. I'll spare you most of my usual derby dribble and get to the point-

My dream season ending was always to have our lovely Heathers face off against those pesky High Rollers. A dream soon to be realized...

For two seasons now, those HRMF'rs have dealt our Heartless heroes losses. Don't waste your time arguing the 30 minute season opening silly bouts, you just sound like my fundamentalist relatives try to explain dinosaurs to me. The facts are really simple, in full fledged, 60 minute bouts, for the last two seasons the Heathers have been the Gang Green's Bitch. Check it out for yourself: 5/10/09 , 6/07/09 and lastly the heartbreaker that was 3/17/10 .

If I may be so bold as to suggest, '10 Heartless Heathers this streak needs to end this Saturday @ the Expo Center!

I won't bore you with my superstitious sports fan theories that connect this losing streak with that unholy, demonic and cursed T shirt that makes our boy George the poster child for this event. I will suggest that WE, the Icebox Cadavers go old skool and bring the noise!

You know what I'm say'n.

Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers! Hea...thers!

If for some bizarre reason you don't have tickets yet, they are doing Cheap Ticket Night at some fine drinking establishments. The link is.............................HERE

An old Heathers fan makes his voice heard...

I "snapped" this pic of a surprising Heathers fan way back when...during the HH 2006 Championship bout, but last night's amazing victory inspired me to put it out there once again.

As Axel says, Heathers Por Vida!!!

Semi Awesomeness!

Okay kids, the Coroner has left the building and the inmates have taken over the Asylum. Looks like it's just you and me now. Yep you're stuck with the man, the myth, the PiG. So let's talk derby.

Our wacky and wild RCR Intra league Season 5 is drawing to a close and this weekend is the beginning of the end. Our lovely Heartless heroes sit atop the number one spot and now face off against the 4th place G'Nr. The trash talking has been going for a little over a week now, over on the RCR Fan Forum. Our boy George has been doing a wicked job of shaking cages, riling the rockers and generally spouting some hilariously Heather-centric propaganda.

I chimed in too, playing my usual role of the cat turd in "the League" sandbox.Honestly, from the beginning of the season I expected the Gunz to be a force of nature. Early on I was spewing drunken bar babble about "The Four Horse Woman of the Roller Derby Apocalypse" to anyone that wasn't listening. Ironically, looking back at my bout notes for the G'Nr this year, most of the names that pop up were not the players I thought would be the biggest impact on the line up. Mercifully, I was 25% right, which is still a higher percentage of rightness than any of the 24 hour news networks. Cohesive pack play still seems inconsistent for the G'Nr and behind that kind of pack even great Jammers prove ineffective. I find it ironic that some of the best jams for them to date have been on the backs of lines up that I would not expect. The beautiful thing here is, I have a new appreciation and definition for the real work horses of the G'Nr.

When the Heathers faced those Buttrockers in the regular season, it was a nail biter. Oh sure, the HH held them scoreless for the first five jams and lead for the first eight, but those Gunts also served up a four and then a nine jam run that didn't add squat to the Heathers scoreboard. Those runs left the Heathers down by 24 at the half. Hell, they didn't reclaim the lead until the 13th jam of the second half, BUT... they DID come back. They also built their lead with 2 on 3 packs which says tons about the Heathers Pack Monsters. (MōBs is my Hero this year.)

It took the entire 60 minutes and a healthy slathering of Baconnaise, but our Ice Princesses took the 96 to 86 win. Now they face the GN'r again, in the battle before the battle. It's "Win and Advance" time and I can't think of a better obstacle between here and the City Championship.

I won't babble on about the value of team play (Teamwork only makes your ass look bigger if that's what you want it to look like) or what I think are the keys to taking the G'Nr out of their game. Every Heather and Ice Box Cadaver already knows this shit and if you don't read the blog archives.

I will tell you the story of two little boys. Two boys that for years thought their lives were complete, until one day...five years ago, they saw an RCR bout. They fell in love with the sport and not in that creepy "get over on chicks" sort of way either, just pure passion. Through some force of destiny those boys both became Heathers fans. As their love for the sport grew so did their belief in their team. These boys would bleed blue for you, if they only had a heart. They not only share an admiration for the sport, it's players and this team, they also share a birthday and that day is June 4th. (I know, nothing worse than evil Gemini boys but stay with me on this one.) These two only want one thing for their birthday this year, and no it's not another Polly Pocket or an E Z Bake Oven, it's a Heathers victory. They would love a Championship but are only asking for one thing...one more win!

Of course that's on the 4th and I don't know anyone with a birthday on the 5th, so I guess the #2 High Rollers and #3 Betties ;,) will have to find their own inspirational story for motivation. That could be a scrappy match up and of course feed us the next opponent to face for our Heartless lovelies for whatever sort of final battle that will be the season ender.

You can check out more Semi blogging on "the League" site with a great piece "From the Crash Zone" by the latest addition to RCR blogosphere Amanda HugNKill.

Of course we'll see you Friday at the Hangar.

Until then, stay golden Pony Boy and yes...

Heathers Por mf'n Vida!