Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Semi Awesomeness!

Okay kids, the Coroner has left the building and the inmates have taken over the Asylum. Looks like it's just you and me now. Yep you're stuck with the man, the myth, the PiG. So let's talk derby.

Our wacky and wild RCR Intra league Season 5 is drawing to a close and this weekend is the beginning of the end. Our lovely Heartless heroes sit atop the number one spot and now face off against the 4th place G'Nr. The trash talking has been going for a little over a week now, over on the RCR Fan Forum. Our boy George has been doing a wicked job of shaking cages, riling the rockers and generally spouting some hilariously Heather-centric propaganda.

I chimed in too, playing my usual role of the cat turd in "the League" sandbox.Honestly, from the beginning of the season I expected the Gunz to be a force of nature. Early on I was spewing drunken bar babble about "The Four Horse Woman of the Roller Derby Apocalypse" to anyone that wasn't listening. Ironically, looking back at my bout notes for the G'Nr this year, most of the names that pop up were not the players I thought would be the biggest impact on the line up. Mercifully, I was 25% right, which is still a higher percentage of rightness than any of the 24 hour news networks. Cohesive pack play still seems inconsistent for the G'Nr and behind that kind of pack even great Jammers prove ineffective. I find it ironic that some of the best jams for them to date have been on the backs of lines up that I would not expect. The beautiful thing here is, I have a new appreciation and definition for the real work horses of the G'Nr.

When the Heathers faced those Buttrockers in the regular season, it was a nail biter. Oh sure, the HH held them scoreless for the first five jams and lead for the first eight, but those Gunts also served up a four and then a nine jam run that didn't add squat to the Heathers scoreboard. Those runs left the Heathers down by 24 at the half. Hell, they didn't reclaim the lead until the 13th jam of the second half, BUT... they DID come back. They also built their lead with 2 on 3 packs which says tons about the Heathers Pack Monsters. (MōBs is my Hero this year.)

It took the entire 60 minutes and a healthy slathering of Baconnaise, but our Ice Princesses took the 96 to 86 win. Now they face the GN'r again, in the battle before the battle. It's "Win and Advance" time and I can't think of a better obstacle between here and the City Championship.

I won't babble on about the value of team play (Teamwork only makes your ass look bigger if that's what you want it to look like) or what I think are the keys to taking the G'Nr out of their game. Every Heather and Ice Box Cadaver already knows this shit and if you don't read the blog archives.

I will tell you the story of two little boys. Two boys that for years thought their lives were complete, until one day...five years ago, they saw an RCR bout. They fell in love with the sport and not in that creepy "get over on chicks" sort of way either, just pure passion. Through some force of destiny those boys both became Heathers fans. As their love for the sport grew so did their belief in their team. These boys would bleed blue for you, if they only had a heart. They not only share an admiration for the sport, it's players and this team, they also share a birthday and that day is June 4th. (I know, nothing worse than evil Gemini boys but stay with me on this one.) These two only want one thing for their birthday this year, and no it's not another Polly Pocket or an E Z Bake Oven, it's a Heathers victory. They would love a Championship but are only asking for one thing...one more win!

Of course that's on the 4th and I don't know anyone with a birthday on the 5th, so I guess the #2 High Rollers and #3 Betties ;,) will have to find their own inspirational story for motivation. That could be a scrappy match up and of course feed us the next opponent to face for our Heartless lovelies for whatever sort of final battle that will be the season ender.

You can check out more Semi blogging on "the League" site with a great piece "From the Crash Zone" by the latest addition to RCR blogosphere Amanda HugNKill.

Of course we'll see you Friday at the Hangar.

Until then, stay golden Pony Boy and yes...

Heathers Por mf'n Vida!


George said...

Heathers Por mf’n Vida indeed JeLLyPiG! Excellent pre-bout analysis, as usual. Also, a very happy birthday to you and Swag. I’m sure that your birthday wish of a Heathers win will come true!

josh bomb said...

as a fellow gemini sir, i also have a birthday wish! unfortunately for you & your heathers, that birthday wish is for GnR WORLD DOMINATION.

rock on!

JeLLyPiG said...

Big J Bomb, your name has been added to my list of "Gemini Men that Love Roller Derby"...even if root for the wrong team at times. You know we are in good company, Jerry Seltzer is also a Gemini, June 3rd and "some would say" a Heathers fan. LoL!

Effy said...

outsiders reference ftw