Derby Jones

Well, get over your derby jones. RCR derby is all about to start again and you won't know what hit you. Cherish the last precious weeks of relative silence until Portland derby cranks up again, and the joyous tumult of it all envelops and destroys your very being. Or something.

Special draft tonight. The Betty they call Frisky wrote about it yonder. RCR will likely have word on the deal at their weblog at some point.

I wonder what the future holds.

Local league season opener Jan 21 at the Coliseum.

Heathers skating some shooby-doo thing in Eugene the following weekend, listed thither. To wit:

Roller derby: Andromedolls vs. Heartless Heathers/Flat Track Furies vs. Church of Sk8in, 6 p.m. Jan. 28, 2012, Lane Events Center, 769 W. 13th Ave., Eugene. Admission: $12-$17. Information: www.brownpapertickets.com.

Big snaps to Amanda HugNKill for carrying on the GnR blog. See ya 'round the neighborhood.

I would credit this photo, if I knew who took it:



Cheerio.

9:13 PM DRAFT UPDATE:

(via FB) - "The Heartless Heathers would like to welcome: Toxic Haste, Moxie Roxem, Headache and Bella Constructor to the ice box!"

Frenchie!

Survival Guide to Feasterville

It’s that time of year once again to descend upon the sleepy town of Feasterville. I really enjoy this weekend, and look forward to it every year. It’s a very relaxing and stress-free vacation. So for those of you who are new to the Feasterville experience, I’m providing you with a Survival Guide to Feasterville.

Transportation: One of the beauties of Feasterville is that the shuttle bus transports you between your hotel and the Sportsplex, and runs every 20 minutes. So for a flat rate of twenty bucks, you can have unlimited transportation to and from your hotel all weekend (provided that you stay at one of the host hotels). A word of caution from an experienced Feastervillian – follow all of the posted bus rules!



Food & Drink: There is a huge pool on the grounds, and there is a pool party that goes on everyday from noon until 8:00 PM. The beer is good and cheap, and the barbecue is great! I take all of my meals at the pool party for the entire weekend. No need to go anywhere else. There is even a bake sale there where you can buy delicious homemade baked goods (and fresh apples for only fifty cents!)

Activities: The Sportsplex is a lovely place to spend a weekend. There is the pool, the soccer field, and a small trail through the woods to a nice stream. And if all of that isn’t enough, there happens to be some roller derby going on in the building across the parking lot from the pool. You might want to check that out if you get bored.

See you there!

Video archive of the Heathers/Betties bout

Slice and dice these performances, if you will -

How did we miss this?

Very amusing, long, detailed discussion of the Heartless Heathers overtime victory over Grave Danger at 17:40 of last week's Derby Deeds podcast.

They start talking about Rose/Rat 4x4 around 16:40. Derby Deeds is always a good listen.

Nice Jules Doyle still of a White Flight leaping start on that page too.

Oh, say, tonight the Wheels of Justice go against the Denver Roller Dolls at 8 p.m. Pacific. If you're not in Bremerton for the Wild West Showdown, you can watch a live stream at the WWS site or at DNN.

HEATHERS POR VIDA!

Babble on PiG. Babble on.

Perhaps it's the inspiration I feel on National PiG Day that has gotten me off my lazy blogger ass or maybe it's just being done with the loathsome month of February that has lit my fire. Either way it's been a while since I posted anything, so here we go.

Things I've missed:

Heathers lose to those High Rollers in Bout 2. I like to think it's early in the season and things will change. I pray we don't have another year of the Heartless ones being Gang Green's B!tch. Break the curse in 0'11!

WoJ whoops up on Detroit. Well...thank god! It seems to me, if they can dominate the crap out of the #1 from the North Central division, they should probably be able to take out the #4 which they did handily. This further illustrated that WooF Duh's divisional system is broken. You validate me. Thank YOU!

Heathers win in Seattle? EPIC! I had a huge dopey derby drunk grin on my face as I strolled through that arena after the big win against Grave Danger. As any long time reader knows, I think 30 minute bouts are for sucks, so in my mind I am waiting for the second half which will be played out here April 24th at the Memorial Coliseum.

Then we had handsome George's shitstorm. (Literally)

I didn't agree with George's take, as noted in the comment string but I do support his right to say what he needs to say. I will also admit that there were lulz, lots and lots of lulz as I read his post.

There seems to be a lot of a "Stay Positive", T-Ball-esque, groovy love vibe that surrounds derby. That makes sense if you are in a league or on a team. You are creating a supporting atmosphere to develop talent and create this unified thing. We are just fans. We buy tickets, craploads of merch, floor tiles and drinks, just not your always positive bullshit and hype. Though we all come together as Rose City fans for the All Star events, Intraleague play means some people I like...are rooting against my team. I get that. It makes sense to my dumbass. It's a sport with teams playing for a win and a record, for a place and bragging rights.

This blog is also not an Official Rose City Rollers blog. We are not brownshirts for "the League", we are just fans. I like to think of myself as a true sports fan of a REAL sport, Roller Derby. That being said, I expect to have the rights of any real sports fan. I want to call bullshit when I see it. I want to love my team and hate my team depending on what I see from my fans perspective. There needs to be a critical eye somewhere and though sometimes we may say things you don't like, someone has to say it.

This is a Fan Driven Blog.

As for George? Well, he stood by his statements and took his punishment from Scald herself. It doesn't look to me like she needs any help defending her honour.

The picture was stolen from Kanna, George's awesome Derby Wife, over on the social network. Hopefully that is enough vengeance for RCCC (Rose City Chest Crappers...read that comment thread, it's seriously kinky shit.)

The only other option we really have is Censorship...

Speaking of Censorship, Wild West Showdown is this weekend up in Bremerton. Our WoJsters will be playing three bouts over the course of the first two days, of this three day event. They take on the "classy" looking team from Denver Friday night. Saturday they do double duty taking on Philly @ 4pm and the Ratz @ 8pm. With two main tracks, 17 WFTDA teams in the house and a crazy challenge bout track, it is a mind numbing 3 day Derby overdose. Provided of course that you don't show up at the venue with a copy of Hellarad on your person.

Yes, the rumors are all true, some Kitsap County Commissioner with a stick up his or her ass found a copy of the d-bag rag last year and has banned the "Worlds Most Ignacious Skate Zine" from this year's event. Of course the ban is seen as somewhat of a challenge. You see, you can not have a copy of the zine on your person, but you can use your person to show some support of the Hella-crew without jeopardizing the SCRV or the event.

On Saturday March 5th, it's Hellarad Appreciation Day. If you have a Hellarad shirt? Wear it or buy one from Cruz Skateshop. You can hit up my friends at Flat Track Revolution for an awesome Hellarad hip bag. They will be selling their stylish wears at the event. Of course if you are low on dough, there is the Hellarad name badge game. They can ban the zine but they can't ban the lulz.

We'll play catch up after this weekend. Travel safe, Derby Fans.

Sudden Death in Seattle

Snaps to YouTuber StillFlame.

Tuesday Heathers Googling

A gentleman named Dave Hammargren enjoyed his night of derby at the Rose/Rat bouts, as he describes at The Blog Without a Name:

The bout of the night turned out to be the third match-up where Grave Danger took on the Heartless Heathers. Thirty minutes of derby action wasn’t enough for this one and “sudden death” was needed tied 82 all as regulation ended. The Heartless Heathers forced the overtime period with a miracle final jam and rode the momentum to another big jam in the “sudden death” to claim a hard fought victory. All in all, quite an exciting night of derby action.

Over at YouTube, emilybee1 uploaded a nice little clip of White Flight jamming against Carmen Getsome in the aforementioned match-up. Carmen takes a beating from Sol Train and Mercy before finally taking lead. Whitey is a joy to watch as always, leaping off the line, tailing Carmen closely and forcing a call with barely a pass.



And lest we forget, it's damn near party time.



Go show the Heathers all your hot monkey love.

Heartless Heathers defeat RCRG's Grave Danger 95 to 89!

Mercy!

HEATHERS POR VIDA!

Tonight's Rose/Rat 4x4 will be live-streamed at DNN

HERE!

HEATHERS POR VIDA!

If you go to one party this year,

make it this one:

From the Heathers' FB:

Love 'em or leave 'em with a night hosted by your favorite cold hearted ladies - The Heartless Heathers! Complete with full bar, music, dancing, skate-able floor, and the notorious games and attractions that have made these parties go down in infamy over the last six years. Don't miss the spanking booth, Human Wheel of MISfortune, Anti-Valetine's video studio, and much more!

$7 suggested donation at the door. 21 and over.

Sounds promising.

The action happens Saturday, February 26 at 9:00pm - February 27 at 3:00am at DUMHO Space (SE 2nd & Hawthorne). Very convenient by bus, by the way.

Big ol’ Betty Victory

Okay, I’m finally getting caught up on my blogging. Sorry for being so far behind…

Well, unfortunately I was unable to make it to last Friday’s Heathers’ scrimmage, but I hear that it was the total blowout that I was expecting. So I don’t feel too bad about missing it, but I did catch the Bettie vs. G’nR bout the following evening. This was yet another massive blowout. I wasn’t surprised, as that was what I was expecting. G’nR has been gutted of its star players by the Travel Team Only option that has also claimed our beloved JeLLyPiG and my lovely derby wife Kanna this season (or at least for the past weekend). Therefore I didn’t expect much from G’nR when I showed up at the hangar on Saturday. My expectations were confirmed soon after the first whistle blew. And man, did it ever blow!

I’ve been hearing MASSIVE amounts of hype surrounding Scald Eagle, so I was really curious to see what she was all about. Apparently Scald Eagle was originally on the Betties, but then switched to the Guns and Rollers amid some drama that derby girls are so well noted for. What I noticed was that Scald Eagle, much like her team G’nR, never misses an opportunity to miss an opportunity. What I mean by that is that there were so many times that she got lead jammer, yet failed to score a single point. Twice I saw her trip over what appeared to be her own skates, and once she fell after bumping into one of her own teammates (jam #13). All of those incidents took place after she established lead jammer status. Also, she receives way too many penalties to begin to live up to the hype that I hear people saying about her. Sorry, but in my opinion I don’t think that Scald Eagle is the magic bullet that G’nR needs this season.

The Betties defense was awesome (oh my god, am I saying a second nice thing about the Betties in the same day??? WTF?!?!). Even when G’nR would find themselves in a powerjam situation, the Betties would keep them from scoring. Take jam #15 for example – Harajuke Girl found herself in a powerjam situation with all four of her blockers. The Betties only had two blockers on the track. Yet the Betties kept G’nR from scoring that entire jam. And that didn’t just happen in Jam #15, either.

I’ll save you the pain of going through my notes jam-by-jam and describing how G’nR missed opportunity after opportunity. There’s no reason to beat a dead, smelly horse. Couple that that with the fact that the Betties were on fire that evening, and you have the makings of another epic G’nR ass whipping. Final score was Betties 209 to G’nR 73 (no, that’s NOT a typo). I chatted with a cool, calm, and collective coach Mr. DeRange briefly in the parking lot after the bout. He nonchalantly mentioned as he rolled a cigarette “George, I tried to hold back and take it easy on them and tried not to score so many points, but I can only do so much!”

So this Friday at the hangar we have our very own WOJ taking on the Detroit Derby Girls (8:00 PM), followed by the Heathers vs. the High Rollers the following evening (6:00 PM). I may let my lovely derby wife Kanna use my season pass for Friday, but you better bet your bottom dollar that I’ll be there on Saturday to see the Heathers take on the High Rollers. I have a shirt picked out for that evening already!

Heathers Por Vida!

What a season opener!

Okay, I know I’m a little bit late with this recap, but it’s just a busy time of year for me. The season opener at the Coliseum was phenomenal, in my opinion! I loved everything about it. If you were a photographer, you were singing the blues, but if you’re a volunteer you loved not having to set up the lights. Also, the location couldn’t be beat. I can stagger home drunk from there no problem. Anyway, on to the bout recap(s).

The first of the mini-bouts was the much anticipated matchup between the Heartless Heathers and the Guns 'n Rollers. G’nR is looking really bad this season (and I don’t mean “bad” in a good way), while the Heathers are looking great. So this bout was the total blowout that I was predicting. It started off with each team gaining a few points each jam, but G’nR trailing behind slightly. Then, as early as jam #5 the Blast Unicorn found herself in a powerjam situation and gained 20 points for the Heathers. What ensued after that was an ass kicking of epic proportions. The Heathers have such strong jammers and such effective blockers, that they made G’nR look like the Rosebuds out there.

When the Heathers say that they have successfully combined the new talent with the old, they’re not just feeding you a line of bullshit. It’s the truth! D-Day, TeqKillYa, and Sol Train are as effective as ever. Even the not-so-new-yet-not-so-old Heathers really shined. Blast Unicorn, Butcher Block, White Flight, and She Rex all looked strong. Some of our newest team members really impressed me that evening. Mercy had no problem getting lead jam again and again. She makes it look easy out there, and I expect her to emerge from this season as one of the Heathers’ shining stars.

The second mini-bout of the evening was the Breakneck Bettie vs. the High Rollers. This was a much more evenly matched bout. The Betties are looking really good this season. Mr. DeRange is their coach and in my opinion is doing an excellent job of honing the Betties’ skills on the track. This was a close bout with several lead changes. I need to mention that Layla Smackdown of the High Rollers was on fire that night! Her blocking was amazing! If she plays like that all season, she’s going to be tough to get around. Finally the High Rollers managed to win by two points in the final jam. It was a real crowd pleaser.

The third bout hardly even warrants mentioning. It matched the champion High Rollers against the sorry-looking Guns 'n Rollers. The final score was High Rollers 327 to G’nR 2 (and no, that’s NOT a typo). I felt that the High Rollers should have given G’nR a fighting chance by strapping skates on me and Kanna and sending us out there. We still would have won, but at least the score wouldn’t have been so lopsided.

The final mini-bout of the evening was the most exciting for me personally. It was our beloved Heartless Heathers vs. the Breakneck Betties. Sol Train is as amazing as ever. As early as jam #2 she was wielding her amazing ass and blocking like nobody’s business. But alas, the Betties were looking really strong that evening and pulled ahead early in the bout. There were a few lead changes and the score was close, which is always a great thing for a fan. The pace of this bout was much faster that the first bout that the Heathers played that evening. I felt as if the Betties were luring the Heathers into a speed skating game. Sol Train was tossed out in jam #15, but it wasn’t for anything “fun”. Just some boring technical reason like she had too many fouls or some crap like that. The Blast Unicorn was sent to box for elbowing (which I honestly don’t think that she did) in jam #18, and that really sealed the fate for the Heathers. I have to hand it to the Betties this season, they’re looking good (did I actually just say that??).

So there you have it, Heathers fans - an exciting season opener at a great new venue. Unfortunately these were just mini-bouts that have no bearing on the season standings. But it was great to see what the teams are going to look like this season. And I have to say once again – I LOVE THE COLISEUM!

Heathers Por Vida

Heathers v. Betties, January 15, 2011

Heathers v. GnR, January 15, 2011

For your enjoyment.

Looking strong in 2011

Well die-hard Heathers fans, the start of a whole new season is drawing near. This year we have new captains, new players, and a new venue to try out. I'm sure that I'm not alone in my excitement at the prospect of another great season of derby! In anticipation of this auspicious event, I had the opportunity to throw a few questions at one of our new captains, TeqKillYa. This is what she had to say:

George: You have a number of new players on the roster this season. What can the fans expect to see from the "rookies" in 2011?

TeqKillYa: We do have a number of new icy-blooded Heartless Heathers this season! Our “rookies” are a combination of ladies who are new to derby, as well as a couple of transfers from other leagues or, in the case of White Flight, a transfer from another RCR team. So, as a whole, the “rookies” are quite varied in skill. Even the newest ones have now been skating with the team and league for some time and are 100% up to speed. The fans can expect to see some really exciting play from these ladies – we have very tenacious jammers as well as hard-hitting blockers. I joked in the last draft that we got the biggest and the smallest draftees – Mercy and Bump’R Stick’R – and that is just one example of the varied range of skill, as well as body type and strengths. I’m excited to see them all in action and know our fans will love them! Our fans are truly the best!

George: Some of the Heather stalwarts retired last season. How do you see this changing the Heathers' style of play (if at all)?

TeqKillYa: Yep – as with the rest of the teams, we had our share of “retirees” last season – especially with the new league “travel team only” policy, where many RCR team skaters left their home teams to skate exclusively for RCR travel teams. We’re lucky however, because those skilled travel team players are still actively coaching the Heathers, and so I expect our tried-and-true strategies to still be in place - although infused with new perspective, energy and twists!

George: Being a Heathers fan may make me biased, but I think that the Heathers look really promising this season. How do you feel that you stack up against the other league teams?

TeqKillYa: OK, I may be incredibly biased as well! But, looking at our team – I think we’re pretty stacked with talent. We have skaters who have been with the team since the first bout in 2005 and tons of fresh skaters as well and the mix is just incredibly exciting to watch. This is a building year for all of the league teams and I think we’re no different, but building can be an opportunity to rise to the occasion and really come out swinging. We’re going to do well this season - it gives me icy chills just thinking about it!

George: There is a long-standing heated debate among your fans as to how to properly spell your name. We've seen it spelled Teqkillia, Ta Kill Ya, Teqkill Ya, and a half dozen other ways. How do you properly spell your name?

TeqKillYa: Ha ha – I’m glad THIS is what keeps my fans up at night (not wondering if I’m a robot, or if I bleed tequila or blue ice?). The true spelling of my name is TeqKillYa – but I’m not picky about it. I actually take the most pride in my name making many people unable to say the word “tequila” anymore. You don’t know how many times people come to me laughing/complaining about their bar experiences after they’ve tried to order a drink!


There you have it Heathers fans – all the makings of a fine season. It all kicks off Saturday January 15th at the Memorial Coliseum. Doors open at 5:00 PM, so don't be late to grab your seat at this exciting new venue!

Heathers Por Vida