Axles of Annihilation in Cali

Battle for the Coast starts tomorrow, Saturday May 1, 2010.

Said Battle is a roller derby tournament in Ventura, California, where Perry Mason creator Erle Stanley Gardner had a law practice and did much of his early writing. Incredible, I know.

Live Coverage at DNN, starts Saturday morning at 11. Apparently, AOA is scheduled to compete at 3:30 and 6:45 p.m. on the first day.

DNN says one thing about the Axles' roster, and the Axles' Facebook Page says quite another, but we'll go with what the Axles tell us:

Heidi Go Seek-Captain
Viagrrra Falls-Captain
Butcher Block
Domesticated Violence
Fire Crotch
Goodie Twoskates
Punchkin
Shove Me Tender
Twat Rocket
Viva Vendetta

Guest skaters:
Sol Train
Smack-ya Sideways - UPDATE - Smackya out due to injury. Feel better!
Boxcar Bethy
Texine

Speed Bump and French Tickler doing bench support.

Go, Sports Team!

AoA will Derby for Food...

TONIGHT! Come out and support the team as they earn their way to the Battle for the Coast. You can lay a solid base for a long night of carousing and carrying on, with proceeds going to help the Axles. Thanks to the good folks at the Hawthorne Burgerville

(Conveniently located across from my favourite Liquor Store. That there is some one stop shopping!)

Here's the det's:

Tonight!

5:00pm - 8:00pm

Burgerville 1122 SE Hawthorne

The best way to start off your Saturday night 5-8! Help us out by showing some support on helping your lovely ladies Annihilate some California ass!

Wheels of Justice's very own coach, DJ Lobster, will be spinning some dancing tunes followed by Napoleon Blown-Apart's new band, Pocketknife!! This is a free event but please feel free to donate for our travel costs. Also, 10% of Burgerville's sales for that evening will go to the team!!

Just so that you know, Burgerville purchases all there own hormone free meats, dairy and produce locally to continue to support the Portland, OR community.

Hope to see you all there!!

Viva La Vom!

So the DRaFT results are in...

Heathers: Vominatrix (returning)

GnR: Rolla Reina (returning)

High Rollers: Mia Feral (fresh meat)

Betties: Fran Checkya (returning)

Thanks to Texine I can just copy and paste.

The Final Jam Commences

High Rollers 113, Break Neck Betties 78

Titania, Twat, Mick!

Oh no! She misaligned the barriers!

JeLLyPiG!

The Docket

Incredible derby weekend ahead.

In fact, to paraphrase a line from Lou Reed's liner notes to Metal Machine Music, this weekend beats your year.

Friday night, April 16, Portland's Wheels of Justice all-star team clashes with Baltimore's Charm City Roller Girls at the Oaks Park Hangar, doors at 7, bout at 8. Portland, sixth in DNN's Power Rankings faces off with eleventh ranked Charm City in an inevitably tough bout against a gritty east coast team on the first leg of a Pacific Northwest swing, wherein Charm also meets Oly and Rat.

Bout is sold out, but if you didn't get tickets, you can watch a great live broadcast here on your computer, or live at Kay's or Buffalo Gap (info at the above link) in high def. And one must emphasize that these live boutcasts are extremely high calibre. Great stuff, RCR.

Saturday, April 17, sold-out last regular season Portland intra-league bout before the June 4-5 semifinals: Break Neck Betties v High Rollers.

Season standings are currently tight, and this bout will help determine the semi-final match-ups.

And in case you didn't get the memo, we'll clue you in: every day this RCR season is Anything Can Happen Day. Most competitive season ever. Best season ever. Either team can win on Saturday. Victory is assured for no one. 

Boutcast link forthcoming.

Sunday, April 18, The Rosebuds v Seattle's I-5 Rollergirls in a great youth benefit at the Hangar. Doors at noon, bout at one, love is all around. $5 at the door. And you can give even more.

Other stuff

Doc Snark has a post on last weekend's Heathers/GnR bout that seems to interpret the Heather's victory as sort of an inverted double one-and-a-half rope-a-dope with a twist. Good reading over there. Go spew in the comments.

Official RCR Fan Forums. Come play with us.

Official RCR Blog. Event recaps, announcements, Baconnaise. Go read!

RCR Newsletter. Subscribe to receive it by email. Interesting and informative.

HEATHERS POR VIDA!

Tuesday Heathers Googling

Boutcast archive is up.

Daily Ab hearts GnR and talks Baconnaise.

Grace Fell has some interesting shots up on Flickr from last Saturday night.

Dr. John Rudoff also has a set of shots up.

Syma had date night at the derby.

UPDATE: via Sharkey, Skippy Steve's shots from Saturday

LATER UPDATE: Sharkey's photos from Heathers v Guns

Baconnaise

Frenchie and Bro Train

The Line-Ups

Great thing I learned at the new Heathers Fan Forum is that Speed Bump posts the 14-player rosters for a coming bout on the bout's events page. Lots of information for this Saturday's sold-out bout embedded therein:

Heathers
Mobi Wan Kenobi
Mick U Cry
The Blast Unicorn
D Day
Fire Crotch
Knotty La Rue
Ruby Bruiseday
She Rex
Scratcher in the Eye
Skintastic Dynomite
Sol Train
Titania
Twat Rocket
Viagrra Falls

GnR
Cher The Pain
Mercyful Kate
Axl Blows
Blood Clottia
Boxcar Bethy
Evilia D. Stroiu
Fist O'Fury
Hard Knox
Knocker Brown
Miss Mel Mangles
Napalm Beth
Punchkin
Smack Ya Sideways
Sugar & Vice

Gee. I think I know who's going to win. What do you think?

Sol Train - Sol Boating

Nice li'l clip featuring Sol Train and some Whitewater porn from over at Northwest Livin' (click-thru to read the blurb).

Some Eye-Popping Stats Compiled by RCR Announcer, Rose City Roller Radio host Mike Chexx

via Mike's Facebook note

"This is obviously not a show post, that should come a little later this week. Instead, this is an update of the League Leaders.

Standard disclaimers apply, which is to say, I don't guarantee the 100% accuracy of the stats contained within this post. The league (and WFTDA) is constantly trying to improve the way that derby stats are taken, recorded, and reported. As this level of statistics is still in its infancy, there are bound to be some miscalculations, and possible database bugs that will eventually get worked out and corrected.

In other words, don't shoot the messenger. Thanks.

It should also be noted that, after much internal debate, I included the stats from the mini-bouts that were from the season opening tournament. If the wins and losses count toward the league standings, I suppose the stats should count as well. Anyway, here you go....

Total number of jams skated:

Chest-Nutz (BNB) 66
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 66
Licker*N*Split (BNB) 63
Mick U Cry (HH) 63
Layla Smackdown (HR) 61

Points (by jammers):

Scratcher In The Eye (HH) 178
SoulFearic Acid (BNB) 114
Licker*N*Split (BNB) 108
Cadillac (GnR) 97
Blood Clottia (GnR) 96

Points Per Jam (minimum 10 jams):

Scratcher In The Eye (HH) 4.56
Licker*N*Split (BNB) 3.72
Wreck Deckard (HR) 3.69
SoulFearic Acid (BNB) 3.68
Cher the Pain (GnR) 3.43

Lead Jammer Percentage (minimum 10 jams):

Licker*N*Split (BNB) 66%
Cadillac (GnR) 63%
Scratcher In The Eye (HH) 62%
Honey Hellfire (HR) 59%
Wreck Deckard (HR) 58%

Penalties In Minutes:

Mick U Cry (HH) 20
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 19
Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 19
Layla Smackdown (HR) 16
3 others tied at 14

Offensive Block:

Mick U Cry (HH) 21
Napalm Beth (GnR) 18
Layla Smackdown (HR) 17
JK Rolling (HR) 16
Cadillac (GnR) 14
Shove Me Tender (BNB) 14

Offensive Knockdown:

Mick U Cry (HH) 6
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 4
Hurricane Skatrina (HR) 4
Cadillac (GnR) 2
Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 2

Whip:

Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 20
Cadillac (GnR) 6
Sedusa Destroy (HR) 6
Domesticated Violence (BNB) 5
JK Rolling (HR) 4

Push:

Fire Crotch (HH) 3
Layla Smackdown (HR) 3
JK Rolling (HR) 2
Napalm Beth (GnR) 2
Titania (HH) 2
Madame Bumps-a-lot (HR) 2

Dozer (Mama Whale):

Fire Crotch (HH) 1
Leet Speaking Missile (BNB) 1
Heidi Go Seek (HR) 1
Sol Train (HH) 1
Ruby Bruiseday (HH) 1
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 1
Chest-Nutz (BNB) 1
Butcher Block (HH) 1

Total Jammer Assists (the 5 categories above, totaled):

Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 31
Mick U Cry (HH) 31
JK Rolling (HR) 22
Napalm Beth (GnR) 22
Cadillac (GnR) 22

1/4 Track Jammer Block:

Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 23
Layla Smackdown (HR) 20
JK Rolling (HR) 16
Hurricane Skatrina (HR) 16
Fire Crotch (HH) 15

Jammer Force Out:

Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 24
Mel Mangles (GnR) 18
Mick U Cry (HH) 15
Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 14
Napalm Beth (GnR) 14

Jammer Hit:

Mick U Cry (HH) 18
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 16
Shove Me Tender (BNB) 14
Mel Mangles (GnR) 13
Viagrra Falls (HH) 11

Jammer Knockdown:

Mel Mangles (GnR) 9
Licker*N*Split (BNB) 9
Mercyful Kate (GnR) 9
Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 8
Mick U Cry (HH) 6
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 6

Blocker Assist:

Viagrra Falls (HH) 2
12 others tied at 1

Total Attacks (the 5 categories above, totaled):

Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 70
Mick U Cry (HH) 54
Mel Mangles (GnR) 52
Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 39
Layla Smackdown (HR) 38

So, there you have them. I am willing to send individual skaters their individual statistics (as I have them tallied), if you care to see them. Email me, and I will email you back. Questions? Answers? Corrections? Feel free to send them my way...

Mike Chexx"

Great stuff, Mike! Thanks!

Public Service Announcement: Still Tickets Available for Heathers v Guns

Saturday's bout has not yet sold out. I just bought two more tickets my own self.

This bout will sell out, so get on the stick.


She don't skate no mo', but she blows a mean drill whistle.

That's Quite Some "B" Team.

From Axles of Annihilation on Facebook:

"Official Battle For the Coast roster now finalized! Heidi Go Seek-Captain, Viagrrra Falls-Captain, Butcher Block, Domesticated Violence, Fire Crotch, Goodie Twoskates, Punchkin, Shove Me Tender, Twat Rocket, Viva Vendetta. Including Guest skaters: Sol Train, Smack-ya Sideways, Boxcar Beathy, Textine. Special thanks to Speed Bump and Frenchie for offering their bench support!! Were gonna rock it May 1 & 2!!"