Thursday, August 20, 2009

More Derby than you can shake a stick at!

In a previous thread, I read our boy George gently jabbing the Coroner about the lack of blog activity.

Since I'm a "Contributor" who really enjoys running his mouth but has been trying to stay out of harms way lately, I thought perhaps I'm due to chime in. You know, get out there, lend a hand and get my nose away from the grindstone. Given all that has happened since my self imposed exile and all the events coming up this weekend, there is a sh!tload of crap to spew.

Actually, I have been on derby overdose in August with some drunken derby love "Canadian Style" up in Terminal City on the 8th. I followed that up with some Mid Western derby jackassory in Killamazoo last weekend (Jackie Daniels from Grand Raggidy is an ADM:Awesome Derby MACHINE!). Both of those events will pale to the derby buffoonery that awaits me this weekend as my two "Derby" loves clash on Saturday. I see the need for a liver transplant in my very near future...

But first...the Draft.

I won't attempt to explain a process I barely understand, despite having had it explained to me several times by several players. Tuesday night some fresh meat was added to the Intraleague Rosters. Our Heartless Heathers welcome to the team, Hard Candy and Knotty. Given my tendency for drunken emailing, I contacted Ringer for some insight to the freshies talent. Since I'm not sure her responses were intended for broadcast, I'll paraphrase and give my own take on her response, despite my low comprehension scores.

Hard Candy has been described as a fit, motivated and aggressive long legged athlete. Comparisons were made to Sump Pump i.e. Jammer. (Click the button!) From the sounds of it, she will be a quick start no doubt hitting the player rotation first game of the season.

As for Knotty? Well, "She looks like a Heather" stands out from Ringer's reply. Be still my Charlie Brown heart. She's been pegged as an overall good fit for the team, a mid size lady who is coming up fast and "get's it done". Sounds like she is a utility player capable of pack and Jammer roles. As for a comparison to an HH stalwart, Sol Train was mentioned.

As one the Heartless Heathers hardcore Cadavers, let me say "Welcome Knotty and Hard Candy. Your souls have now been stained blue with the irony of being called Heartless. HPmfV!"

And the other talent acquired by the non Heathers teams? Those Betties scooped up Frisky Sour, GnRrrrr picked up Suki Hana, and the HRMF'rs got Penny Dreadful. I've heard good things about all of them through various derby channels.

Now here is the weird draft news; Merciful Kate goes to the GnR and Viva Vendetta goes to the High Rollers. Wow. How much more quality veteran talent do those High Rollers need? On the other end, I can see a powerful one-two punch called the "Merciful/Nepalm Bomb" in the GnR's arsenal. My first speculation was that this was some how a trade thing, but after cornering that poor Candy Warhole at Beulah last night, she explained that they were free agents. I was too busy getting my fun on to question the "Free Agent" concept and how the hell that works, but that is what the comment section of the blog is good for...someone splain!

And if all that is not enough derby happ's to blow your mind, this weekend is Rose City Rollers "Derby Daze". A weekend long event with several spectator oppurtunities...

The core of this event is a Derby Camp, there will be on and off skates workshops with some of the finest skaters around both Saturday and Sunday.

Saturday there's an open scrimmage from 1 to 3pm, with a mini bout event from 3 to 4pm. My understanding is that these bouts are open to the public. Of course 6pm is the start for our Wheels of Justice taking on the Duke City Derby. This is a sanctioned bout between two ranked teams, so missing it would disqualify you as a hardcore roller derby fan.

Sunday there will another open scrimmage from noon to 3pm, with a benefit BBQ from 3 to 6pm. Click here to figure it out.

Not to dissuade anyone from attending all of these events BUT (the PiGz big but) first "DERBY" love will also be taking place Saturday at Mt Tabor Park. Yes, indeed the stereotypical slacker event of the summer, the PDX Adult Soapbox Derby. Lucky number 13! If you have heard about this event and never seen it, take a few minutes Saturday morning and stop by, learn the true meaning of "dumbass". For me this means PBR's for breakfast, a day in the sun and fun, quick change and hopefully coherent enough to have a memory of the Duke bout that evening...for the record I'm NOT attending the After Party.

So there you have it. Just as the headline said...more Derby that you can shake a stick @!


Jack said...

Hope the Derby Daze is a great time. And when you get a chance, check out a couple of the roller derby-related videos at There are four fun stories, including this one -- -- about a young woman who credits roller derby for saving her soul. Pretty cool.

Thanks --

George said...

Damn Coroner, that really IS more derby than I can shake a stick at! Thanks for the info and the updates! Welcome back, and see you this weekend!

George said...

Sorry, I meant thanks "JeLLyPiG". I just now noticed that you posted this. Excellent job!