Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Bootylicious Ringer at Inline Regionals

This mysterious item hit my inbox on Sunday from parts unknown:

On Sunday a sight rarely seen except by Noz appeared at the NW Regional Inline Speed Skating Championship. Our very own Ringer, though tired and bruised, skated for Team oaks in the mixed master relay and the women's master relay.

While Noz, Ma Ringer and myself had to sit through what seemed like hours of award presentations, back patting and unsupervised children running amoc to witness Ringer skate, it was quite an exciting afternoon. Most quad fans think inlines are lame. I am sure you've all heard the joke "What's the hardest thing about rollerblading?
Telling your parents you're gay". And while that may be true for the mustachioed males in cutoffs skating down Venice Beach, it is not so for speed skaters.

The races are fast, the skaters are amazing and the audience of 300lb speed skating moms (think overweight pit bulls in lipstick) barking at their poor children to skate faster are hilarious and depressing.
I came away from it with a new found respect for inlines and my own mother. But don't worry about Ringer betraying her derby roots. Ever the rebel, she sported her quads in both her races confusing and upsetting many die hard speed fans.

Her first race was the Mixed Master Relay (mixed meaning 2 men and 2 women, master meaning old people). Ringer was the 1st on the line for her team and beagn with a strong start thanks to her quads but the speed of inlines soon caught up. She was on the B-team for this race and her teammates were soon lapped and out of the running. Her second race was the Women's Master Relay. Again Ringer started for her team and this time they got 2nd place. Of course Ringer will say it is no big deal since there were only 2 teams competing but she skated well and they are still going on to Nationals.

Okay, now that we've gotten the races out of the way let's talk about the outfits! Team Oaks just recently ordered their new uniforms and man are they spectacular. As you can see in the picture they are skin tight and leave nothing to the imagination. They also tend to amplify the lower curves and since Ringer's got such nice ones I now call her Bootylicious. She's got back issues like National Geographic hiding under all those crash pads. J-Lo and Beyonce beware Bootylicious Ringer is in the house! While she was embarrased to be seen in this outfit and I know she is gonna kill me for posting the picture (Noz had nothing to do with it) she can at least be secure in knowing that spectators did not see where babies come from in the ladies uniforms, unfortunately for all that is not so true for the men.

All in all, speed skating is not as lame as I thought it would be and Ringer's done us all proud.


South City Shiner said...

O SNAAAAAAP! that is some bootaay!!!!! woot!

Miss Conduct PDX said...

I want to know--why is there no photo of Noz wearing the said men's outfit?

George said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! The mental image is too much! Too funny Miss Conduct!

Congrats, Ringer! And that is one fine ass!

Heathen said...

Wow! Ringer! Nice buns! Good job going to nationals. You are too cool for inlines.

scrappy said...

i had no idea ringer had so much booty! amazing!