High Rollers 113, Break Neck Betties 78

Titania, Twat, Mick!

Oh no! She misaligned the barriers!

JeLLyPiG!

The Docket

Incredible derby weekend ahead.

In fact, to paraphrase a line from Lou Reed's liner notes to Metal Machine Music, this weekend beats your year.

Friday night, April 16, Portland's Wheels of Justice all-star team clashes with Baltimore's Charm City Roller Girls at the Oaks Park Hangar, doors at 7, bout at 8. Portland, sixth in DNN's Power Rankings faces off with eleventh ranked Charm City in an inevitably tough bout against a gritty east coast team on the first leg of a Pacific Northwest swing, wherein Charm also meets Oly and Rat.

Bout is sold out, but if you didn't get tickets, you can watch a great live broadcast here on your computer, or live at Kay's or Buffalo Gap (info at the above link) in high def. And one must emphasize that these live boutcasts are extremely high calibre. Great stuff, RCR.

Saturday, April 17, sold-out last regular season Portland intra-league bout before the June 4-5 semifinals: Break Neck Betties v High Rollers.

Season standings are currently tight, and this bout will help determine the semi-final match-ups.

And in case you didn't get the memo, we'll clue you in: every day this RCR season is Anything Can Happen Day. Most competitive season ever. Best season ever. Either team can win on Saturday. Victory is assured for no one. 

Boutcast link forthcoming.

Sunday, April 18, The Rosebuds v Seattle's I-5 Rollergirls in a great youth benefit at the Hangar. Doors at noon, bout at one, love is all around. $5 at the door. And you can give even more.

Other stuff

Doc Snark has a post on last weekend's Heathers/GnR bout that seems to interpret the Heather's victory as sort of an inverted double one-and-a-half rope-a-dope with a twist. Good reading over there. Go spew in the comments.

Official RCR Fan Forums. Come play with us.

Official RCR Blog. Event recaps, announcements, Baconnaise. Go read!

RCR Newsletter. Subscribe to receive it by email. Interesting and informative.

HEATHERS POR VIDA!

Tuesday Heathers Googling

Boutcast archive is up.

Daily Ab hearts GnR and talks Baconnaise.

Grace Fell has some interesting shots up on Flickr from last Saturday night.

Dr. John Rudoff also has a set of shots up.

Syma had date night at the derby.

UPDATE: via Sharkey, Skippy Steve's shots from Saturday

LATER UPDATE: Sharkey's photos from Heathers v Guns

Baconnaise

Frenchie and Bro Train

The Line-Ups

Great thing I learned at the new Heathers Fan Forum is that Speed Bump posts the 14-player rosters for a coming bout on the bout's events page. Lots of information for this Saturday's sold-out bout embedded therein:

Heathers
Mobi Wan Kenobi
Mick U Cry
The Blast Unicorn
D Day
Fire Crotch
Knotty La Rue
Ruby Bruiseday
She Rex
Scratcher in the Eye
Skintastic Dynomite
Sol Train
Titania
Twat Rocket
Viagrra Falls

GnR
Cher The Pain
Mercyful Kate
Axl Blows
Blood Clottia
Boxcar Bethy
Evilia D. Stroiu
Fist O'Fury
Hard Knox
Knocker Brown
Miss Mel Mangles
Napalm Beth
Punchkin
Smack Ya Sideways
Sugar & Vice

Gee. I think I know who's going to win. What do you think?

Sol Train - Sol Boating

Nice li'l clip featuring Sol Train and some Whitewater porn from over at Northwest Livin' (click-thru to read the blurb).

Some Eye-Popping Stats Compiled by RCR Announcer, Rose City Roller Radio host Mike Chexx

via Mike's Facebook note

"This is obviously not a show post, that should come a little later this week. Instead, this is an update of the League Leaders.

Standard disclaimers apply, which is to say, I don't guarantee the 100% accuracy of the stats contained within this post. The league (and WFTDA) is constantly trying to improve the way that derby stats are taken, recorded, and reported. As this level of statistics is still in its infancy, there are bound to be some miscalculations, and possible database bugs that will eventually get worked out and corrected.

In other words, don't shoot the messenger. Thanks.

It should also be noted that, after much internal debate, I included the stats from the mini-bouts that were from the season opening tournament. If the wins and losses count toward the league standings, I suppose the stats should count as well. Anyway, here you go....

Total number of jams skated:

Chest-Nutz (BNB) 66
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 66
Licker*N*Split (BNB) 63
Mick U Cry (HH) 63
Layla Smackdown (HR) 61

Points (by jammers):

Scratcher In The Eye (HH) 178
SoulFearic Acid (BNB) 114
Licker*N*Split (BNB) 108
Cadillac (GnR) 97
Blood Clottia (GnR) 96

Points Per Jam (minimum 10 jams):

Scratcher In The Eye (HH) 4.56
Licker*N*Split (BNB) 3.72
Wreck Deckard (HR) 3.69
SoulFearic Acid (BNB) 3.68
Cher the Pain (GnR) 3.43

Lead Jammer Percentage (minimum 10 jams):

Licker*N*Split (BNB) 66%
Cadillac (GnR) 63%
Scratcher In The Eye (HH) 62%
Honey Hellfire (HR) 59%
Wreck Deckard (HR) 58%

Penalties In Minutes:

Mick U Cry (HH) 20
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 19
Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 19
Layla Smackdown (HR) 16
3 others tied at 14

Offensive Block:

Mick U Cry (HH) 21
Napalm Beth (GnR) 18
Layla Smackdown (HR) 17
JK Rolling (HR) 16
Cadillac (GnR) 14
Shove Me Tender (BNB) 14

Offensive Knockdown:

Mick U Cry (HH) 6
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 4
Hurricane Skatrina (HR) 4
Cadillac (GnR) 2
Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 2

Whip:

Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 20
Cadillac (GnR) 6
Sedusa Destroy (HR) 6
Domesticated Violence (BNB) 5
JK Rolling (HR) 4

Push:

Fire Crotch (HH) 3
Layla Smackdown (HR) 3
JK Rolling (HR) 2
Napalm Beth (GnR) 2
Titania (HH) 2
Madame Bumps-a-lot (HR) 2

Dozer (Mama Whale):

Fire Crotch (HH) 1
Leet Speaking Missile (BNB) 1
Heidi Go Seek (HR) 1
Sol Train (HH) 1
Ruby Bruiseday (HH) 1
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 1
Chest-Nutz (BNB) 1
Butcher Block (HH) 1

Total Jammer Assists (the 5 categories above, totaled):

Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 31
Mick U Cry (HH) 31
JK Rolling (HR) 22
Napalm Beth (GnR) 22
Cadillac (GnR) 22

1/4 Track Jammer Block:

Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 23
Layla Smackdown (HR) 20
JK Rolling (HR) 16
Hurricane Skatrina (HR) 16
Fire Crotch (HH) 15

Jammer Force Out:

Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 24
Mel Mangles (GnR) 18
Mick U Cry (HH) 15
Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 14
Napalm Beth (GnR) 14

Jammer Hit:

Mick U Cry (HH) 18
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 16
Shove Me Tender (BNB) 14
Mel Mangles (GnR) 13
Viagrra Falls (HH) 11

Jammer Knockdown:

Mel Mangles (GnR) 9
Licker*N*Split (BNB) 9
Mercyful Kate (GnR) 9
Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 8
Mick U Cry (HH) 6
Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 6

Blocker Assist:

Viagrra Falls (HH) 2
12 others tied at 1

Total Attacks (the 5 categories above, totaled):

Mobi-wan Kenobi (HH) 70
Mick U Cry (HH) 54
Mel Mangles (GnR) 52
Smack Ya Sideways (GnR) 39
Layla Smackdown (HR) 38

So, there you have them. I am willing to send individual skaters their individual statistics (as I have them tallied), if you care to see them. Email me, and I will email you back. Questions? Answers? Corrections? Feel free to send them my way...

Mike Chexx"

Great stuff, Mike! Thanks!

Public Service Announcement: Still Tickets Available for Heathers v Guns

Saturday's bout has not yet sold out. I just bought two more tickets my own self.

This bout will sell out, so get on the stick.


She don't skate no mo', but she blows a mean drill whistle.

That's Quite Some "B" Team.

From Axles of Annihilation on Facebook:

"Official Battle For the Coast roster now finalized! Heidi Go Seek-Captain, Viagrrra Falls-Captain, Butcher Block, Domesticated Violence, Fire Crotch, Goodie Twoskates, Punchkin, Shove Me Tender, Twat Rocket, Viva Vendetta. Including Guest skaters: Sol Train, Smack-ya Sideways, Boxcar Beathy, Textine. Special thanks to Speed Bump and Frenchie for offering their bench support!! Were gonna rock it May 1 & 2!!"

New RCR Fan Forums - Pretty Cool

Even though we haven't gotten around to memorializing last weekend's fun, including a Heathers 146-107 scrimmage win against Rainy City and friends (including TeqKillYa!), and the Betties' 107-93 victory over GnR (which you can relive here), we thought we should let you know that Speed Bump has created a public forum for RCR fans, skaters, volunteers, officials, and other interested parties, and it looks like it will be fun. We urge you to register, get your account validated, and start jibbering your jabber, as they say.

RCR has also provided this great directory of other RCR resources (including the humble old C.I.) on the web. Dive in.

Oh, and here's the latest work of genius from JeLLyPiG -

Potpourri for 1000

Skirmish: Heathers scrimmage v. tough ol' Rainy City. Unlimited roster. Friday night at the Hangar. Doors at 7. Roll at 8. $5 at the door. They're sellin' beer. Effin' A.

Bout: Betties v. Guns, Saturday night at the Hangar, door at 5, bout at 6. Trying to get a read on whether we'll see the return of Rhea and Marollin' this bout. Will report back.

Anyway, that stuff's sold out, so if you can't get in, watch it on the live stream or down at Kay's Bar or Buffalo Gap. Nice joints, both of 'em.

Fashion: Still diggin' on the tasty new Heathers uniforms. Word on the street is that Monacle Debacle had something to do with their design.


photo by Sharkey

Renegade: Twat Rocket has been getting in on some Bend renegade action. Skatie Kat was kind enough to link this vid in another venue:

UPDATE: Hoisted from the comments: Skatie Kat said...Both Twat Rocket and the newest HH, Blast Unicorn are featured in the video. Blast gets 2 grand slams! woot!

If I only had a heart...

Time for me to move away from watching Philly get beat by the Best of West on Dvd and throw some PiG crap at the blog. Yes, thanks to the efforts of Blaze Streaming Media you too can buy your favorite bouts from track 1 @ Wild West Showdown on Dvd. As you can imagine, I watch them like they are the Zapruder film.

Speaking of "back and to the left"…I’m not clear on which step of the grieving process I am currently on after the 112 - 113 loss to the High Rollers on Saturday. With all the money I spend on my Roller Derby Obsession, I can’t really afford the professional help I so badly need. Perhaps spewing it out in a blog will help more than the piles of empties around my desk...

I seriously doubt anyone thought for a second the High Rollers were going to go quietly. As the man on the mic, Mike Chexx pointed out in his podcast about the HR vs G’nr bout last month, the HR have depth. Entrenched in that depth is some highly skilled veterans, and a team that has proven they can play as a cohesive unit. The bout was always going to be a battle of capitalization, that is capitalizing on the mistakes of the competitor and not allowing them to capitalize on yours.

Starting off with a couple of quick jams, the Heathers went up, only to be down by a few points over the next couple of jams. Viagra’s nine point jam in the 7^th jam, with some monster Firecrotch blocking seemed to give the Heathers some momentum along with the lead. The Heathers seemed focused through the next five jams and FC’s 4 points capped it off with a 42- 23 lead. Not a wide enough margin against a team that posted a 45 - 0 run against the G’nr and as you would imagine the HR powered back. After a six point jam by Minstrel Psycho, Wreck Deckard took the line with 4 on 2 pack advantage and hammered in a 17 point run to give those High Roller MF'rs a three point lead. Follow that with an HR Power Jam and consistent four point runs and the High Rollers put away the first .5 with 59 - 51 lead over the Heartless ones.

And my “critical first ten minutes of the second half” theory?

I doubt the second half game plan was get Scratcher to the box in the first jam. BUT, two solid jams by Viagra sandwiched a four point Sol Train jam and took the Heathers to a 75 - 59 lead. After a down but productive run by Twat, Scratcher made a big run and took the Heathers to a 90 - 73 lead. At this point it became a series of little battles and the effects of penalties, which the High Rollers were winning. With about 10 minutes left in the bout, Wreck faced our Mobi at the line and hit big with 11 as MoB’s hit the box. Now down by 8, the pressure was on our ladies in blue to come back and they had ten minutes to get the job done. Unfortunately, Madame Bumpsalot made her post retirement debut, and the time off had zero effect on her skills allowing her to build a 108 - 92 lead.

With about five minutes left, my notes get sketchy when compared to my memory. I know Scratcher hit for double digits and got it close, Viagra took the line beating out Bumps and Heathers had the lead 112-108. Scratcher was back on the line in a Power Jam, because Bumps was called to the box as the jam lined up. Scratch gained Lead Jammer, appeared to be watching the clock wind down, almost playful threatening to call the jam and with 10 sec on the clock the fourth whistle blew and the jam was called. The High Rollers immediately called for the Time Out they had left…the clock rolled until Wench Warden straightened things out. Now with 10 seconds on the clock the last jam began, Scratcher again alone on the line. My eyes were fixed on Bumps who was up and on her way out of the box while the HR tied Scratcher up in pack. Bumps hit the pack with a vengeance, quickly assumed Lead Jammer, controlling the clock. Scratcher elected to play Jammer on Jammer defense at the rear of the pack, missed the block and Bumps was through racking up five points as the jam clock wound down and BOOM! By one point the High Rollers had that second .5 and the bout.

Now I am just a drunken yokel that has seen a few derby bouts. I couldn't tell you whether the annoying track barriers were set to the 5' WFTDA minimum standard or not. I do know Scratcher calling the jam with 10 seconds on the clock was a huge “Oh SH!T” moment. With time on the clock and Time Out in my pocket, even a Weed Seed like me would have called for a time out to stop the clock. Why, oh why the choice was made to call the jam and risk the Lead Jammer status you already owned is beyond me.The High Rollers used that poor choice as an opportunity to capitalize, which is exactly what they did. Don’t be confused though, the High Rollers won the bout, it was effort and team work that gave them the position they needed to be in to close.

Though my bout notes are written in mediocre teenaged penmanship and the numbers don’t quite all add up, the facts are close enough. Over three quarters of the Heathers offense and even more jams came on the backs of three jammers. Viagra Falls turned in huge numbers all the way around, Scratcher jammed enough for two people and Twat did one hell of a job as well, but the pressure was on those three. On the High Rollers side, they jammed 6, with NO WHITEY (To the Heathers 7 ) and got great consistent productivity from five of them, those five also shared pretty equally the number of jams jammed. Tired jammers make mistakes…the five Power Jams the HH allowed coupled with silly fouls and the call of the jam are evidence of that.

In the end I remembered my lesson from last season, this sandwich goes down easier with more Ketchup.

Thankfully Sunday gave me an opportunity to wash that taste out my mouth with some killer Buds. It was the Sisterly Smackdown with the Rose Buds paired up with their Derby Mommies. It was simple and pure Roller Derby Fun. From our Heartless Heathers there was D Day beaming like a proud Den Mother. Goodie was being all goodie. Scratcher…not calling off the jam out there. A rare appearance by the alter ego, Hard Candy. Mick U Cry was hiding out in a blonde wig in a vain attempt to avoid what no doubt feels like targeted officiating. The treat was recently retired and Original Eight HH skater…TeqKillYa on skates and out there trading blocks with the Rose Buds. The Barbie Breakers took the match up with a 140 - 133 win over the Jump Rope Mafia. It was a great reminder of just how fun this game can be to one of “those people” that takes it all to seriously.

And seriously, there’s a great match up on the 20^th in Rainy City as they take on Atomic City in Centralia. Our precious Rose Buds will (NOT) be playing a halftime bout there. Of course Rainy City will be here on the 26^th for a $5 scrimmage bout against our Heathers, followed by those Betties versus G’nr on the 27^th.

Until then…I'll be reading Tank's article in the Spring 2010, FiveOnFive...(page 16) and watching RCR vs Oly on DVD. At least up until it's 4:00 mins into the second half, because the game ends when PiG says the game ends.

Edited the Buds in Rainy City bit based on Creepy Stalker intel from the Social Networking site

Wow, another RCR blog

Not sure who does the "a game of brutal beauty" blog, but I certainly do enjoy it.

Somebody over there really likes RCR.

The Daily Ab also really likes Portland Roller Derby.

High Rollers 113, Heartless Heathers 112

Hard-fought, fun-to-watch bout.

Congratulations to the High Rollers and, as always, thanks to the Heartless Heathers.

Seemed like a tactical error in the heat of battle at the end, there, for the Heathers to call the jam when they could have run out the clock for victory.

But that's the fog of war for you.

The Mascot Who Shall Not Be Named!

Rich Wholesome Streaming Goodness

RCR's live stream will have the bout tonight. And if you're feeling sociable, you can watch it down at Kay's in Sellwood.

Some Betties will be there. I've met some of them and they're actually quite nice. Not at all the devils I had been raised to believe they were.